What Scares You And How Do You Deal With It?

[Rydia]

It doesn't help that people have yelled at us and thrown stuff at us out of moving cars before, either. But we're both convinced we're going to be shot and I don't know where we got that idea.

Oh my gosh, people can be so horrible!
I think for me, when the whole LA riot stuff was going on and they were talking about drive-bys, I was scared to death as a child that it would happen to me. I kept imagining it over and over again.

 

[yellowfields22]

- Poison, or unintentionally poisoning myself (no freaking clue, really annoying)
- Having a heart attack (I have a genetic disorder that puts me at risk for one)
- Strobe lights or flashing lights (afraid I will have a seizure)
- When places or situations remind me of something bad that has happened before. It usually comes on like ...this feeling like I'm getting a premonition or something. I used to think it was a premonition, and now I realize that it's just this intense fearful "syrupy" deja vu, where I become disassociated and feel like I'm re-living the event/am simultaneously super present and hyper vigilant in the moment.
- Turning into my mother (or anyone else who was abusive to me)
- Going out alone (I feel like I'm acting weird and everyone is staring at me, or I'll get lost)
- Being abandoned (afraid I won't be able to survive on my own, afraid of the pain)
- Getting cheated on or deceived (no way to prevent or control it, another type of abandonment)
- Being lied to (this puts me in an extreme rage and panic where I can't even function and often lose control)
- Bombs (every time I hear a plane or hellicopter go by, I panic because it sounds like a falling bomb. I have never been in a war situation, so I don't know what the deal is with this)
- Garbage trucks (no idea why, they just terrify me)
- The dark, or long dark hallways (I feel like a monster will come up the hallway. I always have to run down them, it feels like something might chase me and grab me from behind. I can barely sleep with the lights off)
- People talking about me behind my back, making fun of me (my mom would always lie to others about things I was "doing")
- People throwing up, or seeing throw up, or hearing the noises (puts me in an extreme panic and rage. My mom was bulimic, and puke spells corruption to me)
- Fireworks (I'm afraid people will stupidly shoot one at me)
- Lightening (I used to only be able to hide far away from windows with my heart pounding in my house until it was over. Now I can sometimes go outside if it's lightening)
- Gunshots (ex committed suicide, I'm afraid to see a movie where someone shoots themselves in the head. I'm also afraid of someone shooting me from a car, like a drive-by.)
- Losing my mind
- Being alone (I'm afraid I won't be able to function and I will lose my mind)
- Having an allergic reaction to something
- Volatile people
- The government being crazy
- Ghosts and psychic vampire types
- "Something bad happening."
- The idea of feeling like I'm totally right about how I'm perceiving something, but being totally wrong and out of touch, basically acting irrationally and not perceiving reality right, due to my past, and losing opportunities and people I care about as a result I'm pretty much in constant fear of losing the few things I have that make me happy.

God, what a head-case. I deal with this by not getting too down on myself when I fail to be anxiety free. I understand why I have most of these things, just not completely. I'm figuring it out as I'm learning more about myself. It's important not to focus too much on it, or to label myself as an anxious crazy person. I find that trying to analyze everything only makes the problem bigger, and it's better to just keep myself occupied by other things, and do things that make me happy. It's better to go out even if I feel anxious, and the more I stay inside, the more closed up and anti-social I feel-- the bigger the film becomes between me and society. If I'm out all the time and keeping very active, and doing a lot of projects, then I feel 10x stronger and am much less shy and nervous. I don't feel like I'm just some fragile thing that can get taken advantage of at any second, I feel like a tough B***h that can handle anything, while still being sweet and having a good sense of humor.
When I'm having an attack, I just breathe: in (count 1...2...3), out (count 1...2...3). Over and over, and it goes away. If it's really bad, I get a glass of water or orange juice and tell myself I need the hydration or the sugar. Sometimes it just is that, and that always calms any health fears, or fears of fainting that I have. Other times, just going on the computer and zoning out helps too, especially if I'm alone. I just chat with people online and it makes me feel much better :) I used to take benedryl and that would make me go to sleep or calm down, but then I started worrying that it would put strain on my heart, so now it just makes it worse. God. I hate living in fear all the time.

 

[Reclusive]

Oh my gosh, people can be so horrible!
I think for me, when the whole LA riot stuff was going on and they were talking about drive-bys, I was scared to death as a child that it would happen to me. I kept imagining it over and over again.

Yeah. My ex-t said it was because my fiance and I look like victims. That might be the case now, but back when it was happening we were the punk kids everyone was worried about, so I don't think so. And I like it's my fault that people throw stuff at me as they're driving by. Man... I'm glad I'm not seeing that t anymore.

Edit to add: Why all the fears about getting shot? Maybe because it seemed so 'common' for awhile?

 

[Rydia]

Yeah. My ex-t said it was because my fiance and I look like victims. That might be the case now, but back when it was happening we were the punk kids everyone was worried about, so I don't think so. And I like it's my fault that people throw stuff at me as they're driving by. Man... I'm glad I'm not seeing that t anymore.

Edit to add: Why all the fears about getting shot? Maybe because it seemed so 'common' for awhile?

I'm glad you're not seeing that therapist anymore either! Sounds like s/he gave some pretty bad advice.
And yeah, possibly because guns were common back then. I also think my Mother is terrified of guns and I got it from her.

 

[Sethe]

-that 'something bad will happen.'
-not being 'important/loved' by anyone.
-that I really am 'worthless.'
-driving over bridges.
-being a passenger in a car when someone else is driving.
-people walking behind me.
-sleeping.

That's all I can write.

I always drive myself and I started talking to myself as I drive over the really big bridge.

I am always looking using my peripheral vision and am incredibly aware of who is 'near' me (could be very far away, but I tend to know).

I use LOTS of self-talk to try to reassure my Inner that the critical voice is wrong.

The insomnia one- I don't know how to deal with it yet.

 

[Gamereign555]

Riding in a car (no accidents, for some reason my nervous system REALLY does not like this) I feel that I have gotten better with this, through exposure to it and other things that bother me.

Crowded places ( all the people walking around each other trying to avoid one another, the voices and possible interactions) Otherwise I'm okay socially, but get me in a crowded place and I want to run away. I believe this one is going to be the hardest to get used to, it has such a profound effect on me.

People driving or walking closely behind me ( even before PTSD this drove me nuts but now I dont even tolerate it, I will pull over and let them drive or walk by me) Another tough one for me, haven't had much luck with this.

Hyperventilating ( after PTSD fear of this has lead to panic in the past, it is also of course closely related to my onset of PTSD ) Breathing exercises like counting and mindfulness and meditation is helping this and I don't fear it quite as bad anymore.

 

[Lynx]

I am afraid of:
Disappearing - sometimes I worry that I will walk out of the house and no one will see me and I will simply blow away forever.
Pain - I've had enough, thank you.
Strange, unexpected noises
Unfamiliar people
Being found out - since I feel like an alien a lot of the time
Clowns - okay it is more of a creep factor, in my 20s I spent about two years where I could barely go two weeks without men who worked as professional children's entertainers hitting on me (usually in costume). Apologies to anyone who works as a clown.
Crowds - although I am doing much better with this
Angry people, especially those drunk/drugged-out - reminds me of my father

How I deal:
Slow breathing - something called 'breathing in a square'
Stopping and finding a safe spot to retreat to, let the world go by and seeing that nothing bad is happening
Hiding behind my husband (he's a foot taller, and an alpha male)
Go back to bed, try again in an hour
Dancing - I turn off the lights in the living room, turn on the stereo and start moving. No audience, no judgment. I think this works the best.

 

[Mercy]

I go through serious suicidal thinking every dusk to dark. This is the time when trafficked children are prepared for their guests, enimas, ipicack, vaginal stretching. It was and still is a time of great anxiety, not knowing what will happen that night, and if I will live through it. I have terrorizing memories but in place to keep me from ever telling. [see early diary entries] I can't cook, remember where I am sometimes, I feel like I am failing my family by needing to isolate just in the times when they are home together. Will it ever end, very down....

 

[incongruent]

I have a lot of 'normal' fears- but I think my biggest fear that is related to PTSD is my fear of unknown men. It used to be subconscious, things I'd do without even realizing it. I'd go in longer lines when shopping, if it meant not having a male cashier- and not having to stand behind a guy. I'd suddenly realize that I'd forgotten something if one went to stand behind me in line. I don't order for myself at restaurants if the waiter is male. I mentally size up every guy within a certain distance of me- and if I couldn't take him in an unfair fight- then I do my best to keep a large distance. If I'm out with guyfriends, I always have to be holding one of their hands. A lot of it is scent based as well- I'm hyper aware of guy scents. It makes my friends laugh because I can tell which one is coming up behind me by smell alone, and I find their smells comforting. But on the other hand- I had a male coworker that I'd literally start to freak out if I knew I was to work on the same floor as him, and then one day we were in the hub, something changed about his smell- and now I have no problem working side by-side with him.

 

[AuraBunny]

I have several fears that are:

Public Speaking,
People getting too close to me,
Being manipulated/betrayed,
Abandonment,
Typical guys,
Heartbreak,
Sexually violent behavior,
Violence from anger because my adrenaline and heart starts racing,
People raising their hand and raising their voice very close to me, even if they are just doing that in class,
Having the realization that everything you believed was true iswrong,
Everybody you care about ignoring your feelings,
Failure

I'm currently on a workout plan and learning to do more things for myself to help build confidence. I spend lots of time with my sister and only talk to her and my bf about my ptsd. I have few friends here and there, but I disassociate with certain kinds of people so that I can be at peace from all the garbage that led me to this. Since my bf grew up in domestic violence, he also knows what it's like to have ptsd and has gone a long way to make a successful future despite what people said he couldn't do. I want to follow in his footsteps to make a better future. In time I will find a better solution to deal with social anxiety and post traumatic stress. Having a passion in life for my goals in life is what's keeping me on the right track to bettering myself.

 

[cat]

A while ago I would have had a long, long list to write! However, I'm gradually working through them & finding new confidence in myself as I tick them off.
My biggest fear is being abused again, even though my abuser now lives abroad I still wait for that moment. That fear also goes to other people if I see/hear people arguing.
I also fear red meat, I'm trying to work through it but with christmas coming up I feel myself worrying about it more.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Aggression
Perceived aggression – sudden moves, raised voices, people arguing near by
Drunk people
Unexpected loud noises
shadows
Mental illness in others
Dogs
Losing my mind or sense of reality
Being manipulated, signs of grooming, psychological bullying (the quiet stuff)
Feeling trapped physically or psychologically
Authoritarian men
My reactions and not knowing how I will react - making a fool of myself, or letting myself be abused out of fear
Not knowing what people think of me and the idea that there are people who wouldn’t care if I was harmed
People talking about me to others
Being misunderstood
Getting worse and losing control
Therapy
That darn tree outside my front door :eek:
I could be here all day

I don't take medications. Things that are outside, like dogs, I tend to avoid places where I feel in danger of being attacked. I avoid making friendships and I don't date anyone or go anywhere that might encourage interest in me. But obviously, people arguing in the street, shadows, or the tree that always looks like someone standing outside my door, I can't avoid. But they are quick frights and I can usually deal with it by breathing out and in until I'm ok, or putting the TV on and watching something light. But some of these fears, I just don't know how to deal with yet.