My fiance is my biggest supporter and I'm very lucky for that, but when it comes to PTSD he's walking around in the dark. I'm having a hard time making him see that despite how much I love him, there will ALWAYS just be some things I'll never share with him. Trouble trying to make him understand that I'm attracted to him but sometimes would rather just not be touched, and that he may see me hurting and know something isn't okay but when I say 'its nolthing', that's my final answer and it's time to walk away. Anyone else have these issues? If so, how to you approach the problem?
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
What They'll Never Know
- Post starter Calypso
- Start date
- Status
Bees Are Awesome
Silver Member
I have been trying for quite a while to respond to your post but I can't say things right.
My husband and I struggle similarly. It sucks. Relationships are very frustrating for me.
My husband and I struggle similarly. It sucks. Relationships are very frustrating for me.
I no longer say its nothing. I've found in my marriage of 24 years that got old pretty early in the relationship. Men like to fix things it's in a lot of their nature. I disclose things in therapy much easier than when it's just us two. What I did to build trust with my therapists my husband and pdoc was to ask them a lot of semi personal questions. Knowing a lot about other peoples vulnerabilities has truly changed me and my ability to trust others. I feel like I'm on equal footing vulnerability wise and find great comfort in that and that's what helped me to trust more. It took time so be kind to yourself.
D
Deleted member 1860
I think that maybe saying "its nothing" can be part of the problem. Well, because it has a dual meaning in that you can say "its nothing" and have it actually mean that there is nothing wrong, or you can say it and have it mean that there is indeed something wrong but you just want to be left alone.
I tell my guy "I need space" when I don't want to be touched. Sometimes this means he can just lie inches beside me and not touch, and other times he will give me much more space and we will do separate things in different rooms. It all depends on the exact situation.
I think that you should find a phrase that works for you that lets him know that you just need a bit of "me time". The phrase "its nothing" can be a loaded phrase, so I hope you can find a better, more accurate way of conveying your needs.
I tell my guy "I need space" when I don't want to be touched. Sometimes this means he can just lie inches beside me and not touch, and other times he will give me much more space and we will do separate things in different rooms. It all depends on the exact situation.
I think that you should find a phrase that works for you that lets him know that you just need a bit of "me time". The phrase "its nothing" can be a loaded phrase, so I hope you can find a better, more accurate way of conveying your needs.
littlelostchild
Platinum Member
My husband and I are coming up on 34 years together, but we probably would have split up if I hadn't had my breakdown. Working through my PTSD stuff and learning to communicate has brought us closer together than we have ever been. My point being, if you can come up with a way of communicating that you need space, but will talk about something that is bothering you later, that may be the best.
It scared the shit out of me to share stuff with him that he now knows, but he understands what I went through and why certain things are so difficult for me. He comes into my therapy sessions and has learned how to prompt me to stay grounded, complete thought records, acknowledge my trauma as the past.
I'm just sharing what we did as an idea, not a template. I now believe that the more you can communicate and involve your partner in the healing process, the better. This is a 180 degree turn from what I used to do! It is not easy, but it has been worth it.
Just my two cents,
LLC
It scared the shit out of me to share stuff with him that he now knows, but he understands what I went through and why certain things are so difficult for me. He comes into my therapy sessions and has learned how to prompt me to stay grounded, complete thought records, acknowledge my trauma as the past.
I'm just sharing what we did as an idea, not a template. I now believe that the more you can communicate and involve your partner in the healing process, the better. This is a 180 degree turn from what I used to do! It is not easy, but it has been worth it.
Just my two cents,
LLC
@Calypso
I try not to tell too much to my husband because when I do, he tries to find a way to "fix" me. I understand also about not wanting to be touched. If they have not been through the trauma, I guess it is just impossible for them to understand. Sadly it leads to problems, arguements, misunderstandings. So we take a time-out from each other once a month. He goes to his mum's place for a few days at a time and gives me some me-time. It is what keeps our marriage working, I think. Hope things work out for you.
I try not to tell too much to my husband because when I do, he tries to find a way to "fix" me. I understand also about not wanting to be touched. If they have not been through the trauma, I guess it is just impossible for them to understand. Sadly it leads to problems, arguements, misunderstandings. So we take a time-out from each other once a month. He goes to his mum's place for a few days at a time and gives me some me-time. It is what keeps our marriage working, I think. Hope things work out for you.
Last edited by a moderator:
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
@Cadiche If you have any forum/staff related questions then ask in the help desk and not by changing the topic on someones thread. You were warned for quoting a whole post and it had nothing to do with the contents of your post.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
