What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[TeddySue]

I used to just cut loose and say exactly how I really felt...but that didn't go down too well with most people.

That's me right now. The triggers open up a huge outpouring of word vomit that I have no control over. Yes, people are not too happy with me, knowing how I do react quickly and violently. Which leaves me more lonely than ever. I just can't find the way to be accepted and normal.

 

[Philippa]

I would tell the truth, only to get slammed for it, making me not care if I told the truth or not. They desensitized my conscience in such a way that damaged my character, leaving me to live one lie after another because it did not pay to tell the truth.

That is totally understandable, and it could go a long way towards understanding why some people lie compulsively. There are many instances in society, on a daily basis, that if people were to really delve into that persons story, and suspend their judgements for a second, they would find a perfectly reasonable explaination for that persons "anti-social behavior...and it would usually stem back to their f*ckheaded parents.

I don't believe it does much good to sit around and blame parents...but at the same time, they need to be held accountable for when they f*ck up! They are the ones who are supposedly teaching their kids to own up to any wrong doings...and they can't even do it themselves.

 

[Philippa]

That's me right now. The triggers open up a huge outpouring of word vomit that I have no control over. Yes, people are not too happy with me, knowing how I do react quickly and violently. Which leaves me more lonely than ever. I just can't find the way to be accepted and normal.

I think it's really good though.

Do you feel relieved when you say exactly how you feel teddysue?

I always felt a sort of cleansing occur at the time, it just felt instinctively...right. Even though it chased people away, I felt so good, I didn't even care.

What if you could learn to accept yourself more, and not rely on having to be accepted by them? What if you could give up trying to be normal and accept that no one really is normal. How do you think that would feel, to just accept that without fighting it anymore?

What do you mean you act violently? When you are saying how you really feel, you also act out in violent ways? Is that what you mean?

 

[rowean]

Rowean, I wanted to say that I don't think it matters if you never say what you said to them...as long as you get it out of YOU, that's all that matters.

You can even have conversations with them, as though they were right in front of you, when no one else is around...and say EXACTLY what you want to say, and let nothing hold you back. Be as radically honest as you possibly can, and see how that feels...if you want to that is?

I do this a lot, my dogs sometimes think I am talking to them. I have to be carefull though because I have been known to talk myself into an angry place and then do something stupid like punch a wall. Gotta remember to use the punching bag instead.:rolleyes:

 

[Philippa]

Punching bags are great.

I've been meaning to get one for ages, and the last wharehouse I lived in there was one and some gloves too, which no one used. When I go back there to get the rest of my stuff, I'm going to ask them if I can have it or buy it.

Staging a mock Greek wedding is a creative way to deal with your anger.

Buy some cheap plates from the salvos...and throw them one by one at the wall to expell your anger...then collect all the pieces and make a neat little mural out of the pieces...or something artistic.

That's just me though...I'm pretty creative. Anyone can do this though, and I think it is a fun way to "do" anger management.

 

[Dethuan]

All these were things I heard at the time of my trauma and afterwards, with commentary on what I wish I had the courage or inspiration to say at the time.


"Why didn't you fight back?"
You don't think I tried that? Kinda hard when its three or more against one.

"When someone picks a fight, be the better man and walk away,"(this was when I was little before my diagnosis but it still hurts). Tried that too, apparently turning your back on someone gives them an opening so they can just beat you up again.

"So your best friend hurt your feelings. Its not that bad"
Feelings not so much> him and seven of his new buddies beating me to a bloody pulp was physical the last time I checked.

"O get over it. Stop being a wuss."
Would if I could.

"Why didn't you go to a teacher or the principal?"
Like the thought never occurred to me! In the beginning I did try. But it seems that defending yourself in a 'schoolyard fight' earns you a ticket to detention along with the people your trying to defend yourself against. Just so you can 'fight' some more after school.

To name but a few.......

 

[rowean]

On the fighting "You are just as guilty, don't pick a fight with him and this wouldn't happen." Yeah, cuz I went out of my way to antagonize my brother until he would be so angry he would beat me to a pulp.

 

[TeddySue]

What do you mean you act violently? When you are saying how you really feel, you also act out in violent ways? Is that what you mean?

My violence is verbal and only recently have I seen several people back up and change THEIR ways. I'm being heard. It's a long road ahead, but at least there are a few people who are taking the time to listen to what I'm saying. It's such an uncomfortable feeling right now; these are the very first people who have ever NOT thrown me away after a word tirade. I call it violent because of the screaming that even scares me. I get tunnel visioned and then when I'm done and as I walk away, I'm so pumped up that I did get my say and it was all truth.

 

[Garblefraz]

I'm pretty sure there's not one thing that could be said that I couldn't interpret as threatening me in some way--not just things said to me, but to other people as well.

 

[Red Feather]

"This world is an illusion."
"You are identifying yourself with your suffering!"
"All you have to do is change your thoughts and be happy!"

-My mother.

( Really helpful when you have chronic dissociations... :eek:)

 

[want2cope]

What gets my blood pumping is when someone says "I think you need to stop trying to control everything". Also, one person made the mistake of telling me that I should just suck it up and put on my big girl pants. Yeah, your right to think I hang round a lot of people never will understand what staying in a constant "fight or flight" state for 5 years.
.

 

[TeddySue]

WHO in their right mind would want to hang out with people who treat them like shit?

I've truly tried to hang with "those people." And in the end (which is only about a month into the trying), when their obvious claws are digging into my flesh, I just can't believe I've fallen once more for their trap.

To be treated like s*** is MY fault because nothing has changed. They contact me, and in words dripping with sweetness they tell me they FEEL they should do something and OH how nice it is to be back in contact. And just the moment I defend myself against my dead, so-called parents, it hits the fan: DON'T blame your horrible life on MY family!

And then I'm given the speech of just how bad I was, bringing up such petty things, plus lies that they heard from my so-called parents spewed for years as evidence that I am to blame for everything.

It's like when Lucy tells Charlie Brown that she will hold the football so he can kick it, and of course she drops it and Charlie Brown falls flat on his face once more.