What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Mandy Tad]

OMG, that person needs to see a psychiatrist..

 

[treble.maker]

Oh my gosh Movin'On, I've gotten that one too! What is it with these people?! Geez! I'm sorry that was said to you.

Mandy, I can't believe a good doctor would tell you that. So I guess he was a bad doctor. You are also most definitely not to blame! You did everything you could, and I don't think she is a very good friend (or person) for telling you that.

 

[Violet03]

This is such a great post thread. I have heard just about all of these comments at some time, but the one that really surprised me was, "I think you should stop having flashbacks". That one was by my ex-therapist. Really? Don't you think if I could control that I would have stopped having them a long time ago? Some other personal favorites are: "nobody is build to deal with what you are going through" and "you just need to focus on the future and quit thinking about the past".

 

[Mandy Tad]

Hi Violent 03, I personally do not think that the one - you just need to focus on the future and quit thinking about the past".is all that wrong. To move on we do need to focus on the future, what has happened is our past and we cannot change it, we can only learn and understand that it will be our past. It is not easy, I am struggling cos there are many things that remind me of my past but I would like to share this with all. This was given to me by my psychologist.

My feeling is that when we drive ourselves mercilessly and ignore our emotional needs in an effort to "get over it", we end up abusing ourselves - recreating our experiences. In such a situation, the bully wins - we continue to suffer as they intended.

When we give ourselves time and space to heal naturally and listen to our bodies with compassion and gentleness, the brain has a chance for real, sustainable recovery.

This little poem was given to me from her. It's about treating ourselves with acceptance and love.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you have ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

 

[shadowchaser]

While in a full blown panic attack my aunt walks in and asks whats wrong. I tell her not to worry just one of the panic attacks.

"Well I don't know why you don't get over it. I was raped when I was 17 and I'm fine. The only reason your like this is because you want to be"

So sorry auntie that your one time at 17 by someone who was prosecuted and jailed is the exact same in your mind os my several years and a couple times a week by a person who is still out there and smiles and waves every time he sees me. Didn't realize I was being so stupid as to want this.

 

[Abstract]

So very sorry shadowchaser. Even if her trauma was the same as yours it would still be an appalling thing to say.

 

[sydney550]

I live with my sister and she often sees me at my worse when I have panic attacks (usually at night). She always comes and sits in my room and tells me everyone has stress and has to deal with things, like it's this small inconvenience I should get over.

Does anyone else feel like people just want to fix you? They don't want to emotionally understand what you went through.

 

[Shellbell]

I nearly laughed when someone who knows my multiple trauma history, knows how severe my PTSD and depression are, and yet tried to compare my 30 years of trauma induced insomnia with nightmares throughout - with her baby not sleeping well for a year resulting in sleep deprivation. She said 'Oh I know exactly what your insomnia feels like'. Erm, nope you don't.

 

[Tanishq]

She always comes and sits in my room and tells me everyone has stress and has to deal with things, like it's this small inconvenience I should get over.

It can be irritating and disappointing for who is suffering from ptsd. You can't make them feel they are left alone or they are similar to others. Everyone has different things to deal with. I think accepting the situation and sympathizing can help in such matter.

Lot of people told me like this. I was in hostel 11th std. and I cried in front of my family members. I was not able to handle all things by myself. I was learning those days and I was 16 yr old. They were my mother's relatives. They told me they had to deal with the same difficulty and they dealt pretty good. I felt like they don't understand me. Mine is not same like them.

After some days I learned they ridiculed my crying incident. I felt very bad.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Sydney 550, Sometimes people even if they know you are suffering do not know the right things to say, it does not always mean they do not care for you. I feel when we are so vulnerable everything seems a big thing. I too feel it and cry a lot when someone says something to me. I had a friend who told me, if you can do your normal work around the house you are okay, just get off your butt and go and find work. I cried and cried and cried. Later I sent her a message and a page on PTSD. Today she is very supportive. Vent it out to them how you feel and if you think they are not supportive still find someone else who will be supportive.
I have lost many friends when I told them I have PTSD and found many new friends as well. Big hugs to you.

 

[Tanishq]

Comparison is whole stupid thing. It's man made who are hungry and glory hunters. Thank god, one burden got reckoned and I am deciding not to compare anyone with myself nor with anyone. Let's see this way. You compare yourself with me. Either you will win or I win. That doesn't make sense to me.

I think those who are suffering from PTSD, never tell/act below things.
- Never compare
- Never tell them the things which triggers them (if you know triggers)
- Never show yourself you are hero/heroine of life. Oh wait, PTSD and other people who suffer from mental injuries are hero/heroine,too. They are in making.
- Never tell anything you don't relate with them. This can throw them off or may make them feel uncomfortable. Be honest with them.
- In the least don't say anything bad to them. They are looking for support, motivation and love.

 

[Tanishq]

I have lost many friends when I told them I have PTSD and found many new friends as well.

Mandy I have lost many friends right now. I think those right people may be coming in my life and I am in search of them.