What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Pencil]

I expect you to "get over it, PRONTO.........because all the misery I caused you, is making me feel just a little bit uncomfortable

Cirche, this is one of my favourite posts on this forum!

 

[AS1975]

I am still waiting for my miracle, still waiting for my sufferer to seek help, still waiting to be wanted as a supporter.

Discarded I feel for you, but some people are never going to make it, see it or get it. Miracles happen, but they rarely happen when someone is waiting for them. You do deserve happiness, but you have to be realistic, this person is not the person you used to know and never will be again.

As for him having hit rock bottom, he may 'think', even believe he has done so already. I strongly suspect that if he is not sorry and not willing to seek/accept treatment, then his rock bottom moment is yet to come. Believe me, when people hit rock bottom, they are truly ashamed of how they have treated others, but if you continue to prop him up, he ain't gonna get there.

I say that with as much sensitivity as a (1) bloke; (2) former reservist; (3) current firefighter; and (4) sufferer can actually say anything. You have been hurt too much, this person is not going to change unless they have no option and they realise what they have lost, but they have to experience that loss, the rejection and the pain. You cannot go on feeling it for him and being his punching bag.

 

[discarded]

Thanks AS1975. I know you are right and the more I hear it from everyone on here the more I believe it. Tomorrow is our 28th wedding anniversary and the first since I left him to sought himself out 5 months ago. I took my wedding vows seriously, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I used to joke and add, "as long as the Army permits", but I think "unless one of you develops PTSD" would suit better these days. I love him despite everything but he has nearly destroyed me and I need to be here for our daughter, to be as well as I can be. I honestly thought I was worth it, but I now realise PTSD is stronger than his love for me will ever be.

 

[AS1975]

The person you loved is hidden away mate, he isn't coming out until your man sorts his shit out. You need to look after you, your daughter and that is the unfortunate truth. I've nearly wrecked my marriage with PTSD, I was lucky, I also know what rock bottom is (and without his mates, he'll get there sooner rather than later). You take care of you, hopefully he comes to his senses at some time, but like they say, a watched pot never boils.

 

[ms spock]

Mean things aren't helpful either.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It seems as a supporter I have done everything wrong

I don't know why it seems that it is acceptable for sufferers to be abusive to their supporters. I get edgy every so often, but I don't abuse my family, I go into my room and take a time out. I have severe PTSD from complex trauma, and I'm highly symptomatic but I don't use it as permission to be abusive. I feel for you, this has to be so hard on you.

 

[dms]

Discarded-I'm praying for you.

 

[Pencil]

I don't know why it seems that it is acceptable for sufferers to be abusive to their supporters.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, and yet I know that I am verbally abusive. It's not that I think it is acceptable, I simply 'explode' without being able to control it. And I feel SO crap about it, not only afterwards - a part of me is mortified while I'm doing it.

 

[safenow]

I suffer with complex PTSD from multiple traumas, and I always tried to go to my room or outside to certain places when I'd get too angry. I don't believe that just because you have PTSD it gives you the right to abuse other people.

When I get triggered I have so many different reactions, that I know I can't be around people, so I get by myself. Those who are brave enough to stick around soon understand why I ask them to leave, or I leave. I have two that have seen it all and still love me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have ptsd and I have learned not to be abusive. I get alone and deal with things myself. Your husband has no valid excuse to be abusive and act like a jerk.

You are doing very well with your daughter. I am sorry it hurts so much. I hope you do something kind for yourself on your anniversary.

 

[Hashi]

Hang in there.

I think other people have said in this thread that a phrase that's a big "no" for some people is actually helpful to them. This is true of this one for me.

For me, it's recognition that this is tough, and saying that the person is rooting for you. I think it's understanding that at the moment it's a struggle to get through the days, and not urging me to get over it/move on. If someone said this to me, I would feel they were validating and supporting me.

gizmo, I will try to remember that you don't like it! I'm worried now, because I use this phrase to other people sometimes.

Could you say why you don't like it? It might help me be more careful with it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hashi,
I hate this phrase and I use it too. It just reminds me that the person is going through a rough time. I think hang in there, is something that is hard to do when the person is at the end of their rope. I know it is meant to be encouraging. Mabe it is just me. It just seems like a lame thing to say to someone who is desperate. I hope this helps you to understand where I am coming from.