I find it incredible that you think it's OK for people with PTSD to react to their partners with anger and hostility and NOT expect more than just....I'll go for a drive while you calm down. Oh. Very helpful. LOL...let me know how THAT works out for ya, because that only works with rational people.
Has worked out wonderfully for us. My husband knew I was going nuts working through issues and symptoms. I was very angry and hostile when I never slept, was a prisoner in my own home, and in my own mind. When things escalated is when he would either let me go lock myself away in my room or load everyone up and leave to give me space. I would calm down and he would talk to me.
I have for the life of me never understood the things discussed as setting boundaries with day to day PTSD life. If PTSD is not controlled many symptoms can't be. My husband and I opted to work on PTSD in therapy to get rid of those "annoying habits" (yes, term used loosely). But my opinion on this has never been a secret here before.
Damiea, Not an argument as such, just a hot topic. Lively debates are good as it helps PTSDers learn how to argue a point without making them self ill. If someone gets sick from this post (and PTSD does make you sick when others only see anger) then they know they still have work to do.
Name calling - Therapists. An outside party intervening. If someone cannot cut it out then you are being emotionally abused. Anyone being abused should not stick around.
Cheating - You have to be a very forgiving soul for this. While somethings may not be forgivable to some it is to others. On this topic my opinion is any spouse, PTSD or not who cheats will likely do it again (not 100% but I think it is up there). Especially if the partner says oh you better not do it again... To me this should be treated as you would if the person has PTSD or not. I will say poor impulse control does play a part and impulse control will improve with therapy and healing. But how do you know if that is the case and will feel remorse and never repeat it? They may just be a louse PTSD or not. Not everyone who has PTSD was a good person before.
Drinking - Therapy. It is a process. If the person becomes abusive drinking then see above under abusive behavior. If they are drinking and not harming anyone else (just annoying all to hell) give therapy time.
Generally argumentative. I was the queen of this one. I yelled, slammed things, broke things, cried, it took time and patience. My therapist helped, but Anthony did most of all, making me face what emotions I was stuffing up that would then manifest into anger. I had too many stressors. It took a couple years to fine tune my needs to make me lovable. The average carer does not have this capability. You need someone with PTSD who gets it to help and most certainly a therapist.
The talking so many speak of is after everything cools down and/or they are sober tell them you need to discuss (insert issue here) But just ONE issue. More than one can be overwhelming. Take name calling or drinking as to me drinking can lead to name calling so maybe it needs to be worked on first as if they are drunk at the times they do this to me it would be more important to start there. If they are emotionally abusive sober then start there. Ask what are they feeling when it happens. What led up to this? Try to see if you can see a pattern of stress building. Now how can "we" as you are a team work on this to defuse long enough for therapy to work?
Some behavior I have seen carers do or claim is good would have resulted in my marriage being shattered. My husband would have crowned anyone who acted like me. But he loves me and has the patience of a saint with me normally. He has had his moments that in turn leave him running to do damage control in the past though. He learned if things got so bad he was pissed off too then he needed to leave and cool down as snapping or yelling at me would have been like WWIII coming.
That is us. That is my experience. Abuse should be tolerated as much as it would in a non PTSD relationship. If you love your PTSD friend or partner understand you too will need to learn tongue biting and patience until therapy progresses well. We are much happier for it.
That does not mean flareups won't happen even when doing a lot better. I have been having flareups for a few days now and I am doing all in my power not to behave as a 2 year old around here! Does not help that I am sick and have lost my voice. So right now I cannot relate my feelings, emotions, or needs well.
I should not even be on the forum right now!
