Childhood What Was Taken Away From You As A Kid?

[shimmerz]

-My soul

-My childhood

-Me

Yes,
Yes,
and Yes

But I am NOT letting them keep these things. I am claiming them back as mine. I don't care what it takes.

 

[Tinyflame]

Being a child, a feeling of security, a sense of safety, the ability to relax, comfortableness with dependence or interdependence, hope, sleep, an ability to be carefree. Those are some.

 

[Teasel]

Health
feeling like a part of the human race
confidence
trust
boundaries
feeling visible
Manners and other things kids are taught
was already being scapegoated.
Love n attention

 

[Ronin]

My friends. The thing I'm still not quite dealing with. Everything else? I can regain, even if in another form. Them, I can't. Even though it can be said they're always with me, and the mindset I've upheld most of my life, I believe they are.

 

[shell]

My childhood, sense of self, self respect, self worth, sense of safety, ability to relate, truth, honesty, my potential as an adult, my health and my family of origin were all taken, and somethings just can't be changed no matter how much you try, and there is only acceptance.

I have received precious things in return, compassion, empathy, and an appreciation for the simple pleasures in life, gratitude, a sense of humour, and a willingness to work hard, and a real appreciation of my life now, and the progress and support of others. I take nothing for granted anymore, and can find pleasure in the smallest of things.

 

[Gadgie]

My childhood was taken away from me as a child, never go much to time to go out and play. Had to do jobs first, and had to them well, or you copped a slap around your ear.

As soon as I learned to count, I had to serve behind the counter at our shop, to all hours.

My first job, at the age of three, was to sit on the front step and shout Shop, if the person stood at the counter of the shop, rather than go into the small cafe that my parents had as well.

Washing and polishing floors, taking in coal, lighting the fire, hoovering the landing and stairs, cutting the grass, making the beds, loading / emptying the dish washer,.......and many more, were all some of the jobs we had to do, before we went, or came back from school.

Weekends, were just the same as work days, we never ever sat at the table to eat as a family, apart from Christmas Day, even then, we had our dinner with the lodgers, at the same table.

I was thrown out when I was fourteen, but allowed to sleep in the same room as the lodgers, some of who were long times boarders, and a few lorry drivers who were just passing through.

When I joined the Royal Navy, I was the only bloke in our class, who could sew on buttons and badges, wash my own clothes, make my own bed, polish my own locker, and polish my own shoes, so I suppose looking back, it wasn't all that bad.

Yet, it cost me my childhood?

 

[void]

The belief that "it won't happen to me".
Youth feel immune...invincible...not me, I knew that if it was bad it would certainly happen to me.

 

[psychgirllost]

I've been thinking about this very thing this week! I told one of my friends i felt like my life had been stolen from me and that I was broken. So what has been taken?

1. Safety. But not in the strict sense of the word. I manage myself pretty well. In fact I come across as really strong when I'm really not. It's a defense mechanism. What I lost was the ability to be vulnerable. It's affected my having a career as well as intimate relationships. Oh and I don't mean sex. That's different. What I mean is my ability to share my inner most thoughts with a boyfriend. To let him know who I really am and that I'm dying to feel safe and why.

2. Feelings. My mom robbed me of my ability to feel anything but anger, quite honestly. Oh sure. I have glimpses of happiness and I laugh but I barely know what love is. I barely even feel real physical pain. it make a trip to the doctor interesting. "How much pain are you in?" "Um, I don't know". The worst is love. I want to know what it feels like. I've gotten glimpses but I've stuffed it right back down.

3. A sense of self worth. I think that's self explanatory. When you're told you are bad and worthless, you tend to believe it.

3. Then there's the "little" things. Family because I can't get close enough to anyone. A good night's sleep because I'm always having nightmares.

I don't know. I just feel robbed. My parents should have been teaching me how to become an adult (my dad kind of was but he died when I was 12 and I got stuck with "mommy dearest").

I've had years of therapy and so I've been slowly teaching myself a lot of the things that got stolen from me. I have great friends who are like family. I have learned some self esteem (I used to think I was stupid).

But here's the deal. Here's what being abused by both of my parents GAVE me.

1. A freakishly uncanny ability to read people and know if I'm safe or not. (And whether they are lying to me). In fact, I cherish this gift.

2. Compassion and empathy. Again, seriously. I somehow managed to come out of this with an unrelenting need to help people so they don't go what I went through. Meet me in a bar and you can tell me your life story. And I will listen. And I will not be faking interest.

3. The ability to fight for what I believe. I don't know how that happened. I just grew up completely pissed off.

4. And amazingly enough, I've never lost hope. It's hit rock bottom many times. But I never lost it. It's GOT to get better than this, right?

 

[psychgirllost]

Mm mm. I forgot one. My mom put me on strict diets starting when I was three and the constant degrading me has never stopped whether I've weighed 145 or 245. I gained weight to defend myself against her. She told me no one would love me If I was fat. I proved her right and became bigger and bigger. But the problem was I've always felt the same. My mom robbed me of my ability to love my body not only as an overweight person but back when I was actually thin. (I can see now that I was, but back then I had no idea). Anyway. That's all

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I've never had the chance to live quietly, without fear cycling over and over in my brain. I've never had the chance to just be, to chose things based on what I want or what is developmentally appropriate, to chose my future and my self for myself. My childhood was robbed from me - static, frozen memories that zoom in and out, memories that aren't always accessible or are so accessible I feel like they are happening in the moment. The normal way of recalling a childhood like a past memory was stolen from me ...

 

[psychgirllost]

@GWhizz I can't figure out how to get this to quote what I wanted to, but I've been in counseling of some form for close to thirty years. Sounds frightening but your comment about reaching your maximum potential, I think that might be what I've been mourning the most lately and apparently enough that I commented on this thread twice not even realizing I said the same thing both times. But I guess at least my thoughts are consistent. lol. I said it better the first time.

the first thing I got back in therapy was my self esteem. (Not self worth, still working on that one). I learned that it was okay to be myself, that I was actually smart. And that's also when I came around to believing that is gained something from all this hurt and hate. Hope faded a lot and I would go into deep depressions. I failed a ton of classes but I persisted.

I often wonder how I even kept going. I think I was somehow born with a persistence of hope. It faded drastically sometimes and id end up in the ER but that is behind me. All that is left now is learning to feel and walking away from a mother who continues to emotionally mess with me without feeling like a bad little girl. It pisses me off that I've had to teach myself to be an adult. It's been hard work relearning and undoing and finding myself. But it comes. It will come.

 

[PreciousChild]

Thank you so much for this thread. I've been lurking on this forum for some months, but only just discovered this specific board on childhood. I relate to the posts and threads here. Experiencing trauma as a child when it shapes you developmentally makes life really challenging. I really appreciated reading and relating to what people feel they have lost as a result of a traumatic childhood, and admire so much your lists of the positives that resulted as well. Yes to many of what has been said - self-esteem, trust, potential, connection to others, etc.. I related to some of the positives as well - more compassionate, empathetic, being able to read people.

When I was a teen, a lot of my anger at how I was raised surfaced, and I did things I regret. So one thing that I think was taken away from me was, sort of like time, my history. I have to live with behaving and acting badly at times and that is now part of who I am. For me, it's harder to live with the things I've done sometimes than the things that were done to me. I have never done anything seriously harmful (never hit anyone, or intentionally targeted anyone for abuse or bullying). But my anger bubbled over at times when I didn't intend it, and I am ashamed to have said that was me.

Another positive thing that came from my experiences has been the ability to forgive myself and others. I still struggle with it, but I've come a long, long way.