Relationship What Would You Like To Hear From Your Sufferer?

[Bilby]

That's really nice to hear. I'm sure the effort you have gone to has most certainly been noticed, felt, and appreciated! :)

 

[here4him]

I would just love to hear, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." It would take a huge weight off my shoulders because I look at all the things he did and the only conclusion I can come to is that he must absolutely hate me for some reason, but I didn't do anything and we didn't fight. I'm the same girl he was curled up on the couch with the last time we were together. He's hurt me so much and, in my heart, I know that wasn't his intention, but hearing those words would make a huge difference in how I feel.

 

[celia]

You are preaching to the choir Here4Him....I don't even have to post because you said it all. Be well. Don't wait. I have started seeing a grief/loss therapist and it helps. I do sometimes get anxiety about the fact that...is this ptsd or is it me? Seeing all of the post with so many in common things here on this site, is my only validation.

 

[HollyB]

The fact that you asked the question speaks volumes.

For me, I'm someone who needs words of affirmation, so I would like to explicitly be told that he appreciates me, that he values me, that he's thankful for having me in his life, that he's sorry for any pain he's caused me.

He has said these things in the past, but I need to be reminded occasionally with words. He's bigger on actions. I try to focus on his actions as "speaking" to me, but I still need the words.

More long, bear hugs couldn't hurt either. ;)

 

[confusedcaregiver]

Just two days ago my sufferer called me from her treatment center (she has been there for 2 months). During the conversation I mentioned I had given up everything to psychologically support her (and as a codependent I literally did for 3 years) and she just scoffed. "Support? What support? Like worrying we need to break up? Protecting me from my triggers is not support."

She keeps on saying that when she gets out of the treatment center she will be totally alone again, with nobody to support her. Every time she says that it is like she cuts out my heart and feeds it to my dogs. I wish she would just say "thanks for trying" even once. Even if I just failed her.

I gave away everything - my friends, my job, my ambitions and self care, to be a failure for 3 years. It hurts enough without it being grinded in :(

 

[99Phoenix99]

@confusedcaregiver even if it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, I'd like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me hope that there ARE people who care.

I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. It's not easy on a supporter. Not at all. That's something I've learned since I've been on this forum and I'm ashamed to say something I've never once ever really considered until these past few months.

Someone as kind and as giving as you deserves to be happy so please take care of yourself. And please be kind to yourself.

 

[confusedcaregiver]

I broke down just reading that. Thank you so much.

 

[Bilby]

Confusedcaregiver, I'm so sorry to hear what your sufferer said to you. That's awful and I can only imagine how hurtful it was. I wish she would acknowledge you too - you deserve that.

 

[Yellowaura]

I would like him just to be true to himself. I want him to be happy with or without me, but he has to see he is pushing everyone away, and I would just like him to call his mum. I suppose it's acknowledgement.