Relationship What's the best response?

[1confusedgirl]

I posted my situation recently but the short story is. My boyfriend and i got in an argument last month. we've been together 2 years, and lived together. I didnt know he had ptsd till that argument. So, he broke up with me and told me to leave so i grabbed some things and left. Its been about a month since then. Right after the break up i really tried to reach out to him to try to figure out what was going on, but i havent tried again recently. It was radio silence for about 2 and 1/2 weeks. But now he's started texting. Everytime he tells me that he's still mad , and he's can't get past being mad at me. That his brain won't allow him to get past it. He doesnt trust me. He always says he wants space and to be left alone. But then he texts me all these negative things... He'll say he loves me but it cant work out. But then he'll say he just needs time... And always, no matter what i say it's the wrong thing in his opinion unless its short responses agreeing with him.

I'm trying to be there for him, I'm giving him "space" but how do you give space if they still text? And how should i respond when all the texts are so negative? Is there anything i can say that would help? He also won't go to any treatment, if i even bring it up he gets mad, so ive stopped doing that.

Any advice helpful..

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you want to be with an untreated PTSD sufferer?

This may be the best you get.

I understand the temptation to change to make him happy, but I urge you to not lose yourself in the process.

I urge you to set boundaries.

ie if your texts are overly negative, I will take a break and stop responding.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I would get out now, write him a kind goodbye that you will not be communicating with him until he seeks out therapy.

 

[Akhos]

I say this as a male so please dont take it the wrong way

I would walk away whilst you can. Its not fair on you.

 

[Snowflakes]

@1confusedgirl I read your post several times. You asked for advice. This is what I think. He is an adult....give him what he wants. He tells you he doesn't trust you, he wants space, he wants to be alone, it can't work out, and you're always wrong. My advice, since you asked, is believe him.

You asked how to respond if the texts are always negative. You don't have to respond. If someone doesn't want to be with you and is always texting negative things that is causing you grief, my advice is to ask him to stop texting you. If he doesn't honor your request, then my advice is to use the block function on your phone.

Hope this helps. Take care of you.

 

[A concerned spouse]

Hmmm. I'm a little different. The way I see it is that he's tracing out. That pull and push thing that PTSD does when it overloads the brain and emotions.

Every time he texts something negative, I would reply with "I'm sorry you feel that way". It validates his feelings but doesn't allow him to pull you into a fight.

 

[Buttercup]

I agree with @A concerned spouse but I would first figure out what you really want with him. Considering that he's untreated, plus the prison time you know nothing about, I think you should get clear on this first.

Until you know what you want, i would not engage in those negative conversations. It seems clear to me that he will continue to reach out as he works through this, so i wouldn't worry that he won't reach out again.

If you decide this is who and what you want, then you need to wait until he can talk more clearly about things.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I posted my situation recently but the short story is. My boyfriend and i got in an argument last...

Sounds like he's reaching out for help but doesn't know how to get it. Try suggesting some help for him, and maybe you can suggest that you both go. I get that same behavior sometime and I give space when needed.