When Ambition And Desire Run Away

[watundah]

I've always been ambitious and productive, lots of interests, hobbies, and so on. I lost my job a while ago and enjoyed the freedom to hike, read and make art. I've been in several shows and sold pieces and that felt good.

The novelty of no longer working lost its shiny veneer but I don't care to go back to work. I still love my freedom.

The problem is, I think, is that I have upped my sessions with my T to twice a week and we have been hitting the trauma stuff pretty heavily over the last several months. Many forgotten abuses have come to light and I have lost interest in a lot of things and have become a major putz around the house woman, and that is so not me. I cannot get myself to do much and hours of gazing at the internet is happening. The one thing I have right now is a trainer twice a week who kicks my butt around the gym. I keep thinking about making art and it won't happen. Aside from waiting for things to settle down, how does one light the fire again?

 

[Friday]

No answers, here. Right there with ya.

 

[henamedmeowl]

I have to keep going back to the purpose of why I am doing what I'm doing. For who...what the goal is...what it feels like ...sometimes I even have to jump start it like force myself to start even when I have no desire even when I don't want to...then it just goes.....I keep looking for inspiration daily...I catalog it in a notebook full.of quotes random desires and dreams and look at it frequently. Lastly we all need down time ...to process..hope this helps.

 

[angel2write]

A time when you are doing a lot of heavy trauma work is not a time to put a lot of expectations on yourself to be creative.

All that mental and emotional energy is going inward, to heal the injuries of the past. It's like recovering from surgery. You're doing little mini-surgeries on yourself at each appointment. Then you spend the days after healing. When you get through with the process, I think what you'll find is that you're A LOT farther along. You'll have more freedom, more hope, more energy, more ability to be creative and take on challenges.

But you can't expect that to be happening when you're doing heavy duty work. Does that make sense?