When are you ready to return to work?

[Daph]

Has anyone ever been told what they need to show /prove to be cleared for returning to work by their T or doctor? When do you know you are ready? I cannot seem to get a straight answer.

I am losing my patience as I thought I would be back by now after about 8 or 9months. However, every inconvenient life event seems to be happening during this challenging time to set me back.

There is a part of me that would like to quit treatment and hope I can get on with my life/work. I am at a "I don't care what I need" point as I do not feel I matter so I may as well work and just accept this. Maybe it is the thought of having something that is a normal part of life that is or will be comforting.
Plus, being able to work would take one of the stressors (financial) away and I feel horrible leaving my partner with constant randoms.

Yes, my work will expose me to triggers as a first responder. But I cannot stay off forever either...

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi, is your ptsd a result of the job?
:hug:

 

[Daph]

Hi, is your ptsd a result of the job?
:hug:

Yes

 

[Friday]

For myself?

- When I need something to DO... Becomes both an every day thing, and an enduring thing. Enduring? Meaning that doing "something" for a single day -or even a few hours in a day- doesn't completely wipe me out.

- When "this"? (Ie work) Is my peace. It's what grounds me, centers me, and helps lift me into the rest of my life... More often than not. Meaning that there will still be bad days, and exhausting days, and TGIF days... But most of the time? Work is a very good, and very strong, piece of my life. It builds me up a helluva lot more than it tears me down.

A lot of this depends on the type of work that I'm doing // not all kinds of work are equal. Not by a long shot. And, with PTSD, one thing that I've found is that I have a lot less wiggle room for soul-killing work than maybe most people. Probably having to do with finite levels of stress. I cannot do work I hate for very long without completely losing my shit, unless it's an emergency. Then the emergency will carry me a lot longer than the work itself. And I can't fail at work that I love, without the same effect.

Something you might consider when you think you ARE ready? is either volunteering in your field, so it takes the pressure off of 24;48 or M-F, but still let's you keep your hand in as you can / let's you practice your stress management in a very limited setting... Or returning to work outside your field, in something you don't give a damn about (aka can be fired for not showing up, or similar learning how to work again lessons), without it affecting your employability inside your chosen field. Alternatively? Going back to school for the higher level of what you did previously. Whether that's a 2 year paramedic course, or specializing in an area you haven't studied... As a way to both test the waters for how you'd be returning to work, and to start building skills outside of a job where you need to be on your A-game, all of the time.

 

[EveHarrington]

If it's something that will trigger you, is the cause of your ptsd, and you haven't yet healed, I think it might be wise to consider a career change.

 

[Daph]

For myself?

- When I need something to DO... Becomes both an every day thing, and an enduring th...

Funny you bring up volunteering in my field... I tried too but many of the opportunities that would even allow me to be in uniform and fun to test myself out, my employer states it or I could be a liability issue. They said when I am "clear" this is something they could look at allowing and scheduling me to do, on my off time of course, during a "possible" gradual return. All of these opportunities are outside of work so we would normally do on this on our own time as workers, so I thought this would be a good start/ allowable- even my T was disappointed by the response.
I had a couple one day gigs I found and the rest of the steady volunteering I have is from the community/unrelated. Because I did not get the gov't support with their silly tests and forms, I have less or zero employer support on disability. And again, an gradual may not be in the works.
i have thought about going back to school, but nothing so far jumps out at me. As well, I am still paying off my previous student loans for this field and am just getting by.
Serving coffee sounds peaceful but would not support me and doing that/ testing that out I understand that I would lose disability/ my job attachment.

If it's something that will trigger you, is the cause of your ptsd, and you haven't yet healed, I...

Fair enough...but I also had thought going back would allow me overcome more of the PTSD and try out new coping strategies. I disliked school so much with the essay writing etc lol.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Hopefully this is helpful in some way. I was in a different scene than you, for over 13 years, that I happened to luck into to begin with, working in the vocational rehab arena, minus all the college degrees and certifications one needs to advance in that field.

I received the highest regards from my "superiors" and my students the first 10ish years I was there, and absolutely loved what I did. However, having it be a state agency, the systems (shit-stems) one must follow leaves a lot to be desired, both as an employee and as a client. Seeing what others are allowed to get away with that will effect another for the rest of their life sickened me.

I had ptsd issues heavily triggered and brought to the forefront in my attempts of trying to hold them accountable for multiple unethical issues I directly observed, and had evidence for. I took a break by going on short-term disability for a bit and thought I was ready to go back, even applied for a job in a different dept. to try to help rid me of the immediate triggers I kept tripping over before, and got it, and loved it...for a minute.

However, all it served to teach me was that regardless of the department or job title, it's ultimately the same puppeteers pulling the strings and the results of trying to "do the right thing" would forever receive the same piss poor responses. I'm not one who can just suck it up, buttercup, and continue to foster an environment based on bullshit, so I had to resign. It came down to having to choose my health or my job that I thought for sure would be what I'd continue doing until I reached retirement age. Health won.

 

[EveHarrington]

Funny you bring up volunteering in my field... I tried too but many of the opportunities that would even a...

Hmm maybe yes but I'm thinking mainly no?

I know that trauma re-creation is common as we want to co queer the trauma. It's why sexual assault/rape victims put themselves back in dangerous situations, and I don't want to comment too much on other types of traumas, but yes there is a draw to go back and conquer the trauma as we think it will make us feel better. Sadly it usually ends up putting us in a worse situation. I think you're risking taking your PTSD to levels which will be even harder to heal from. Yes it's an exposure therapy of sorts but an uncontrolled exposure therapy----and that's not really a good thing.

 

[Daph]

Hopefully this is helpful in some way. I was in a different scene than you, for over 13 year...

Actually this is very helpful! I have to remember it is the same puppeteers. I had tried a transfer to another dept as well, but was unsuccessful numerous times and job given to a newbie. I went to a meeting recently regarding contract negotiations, just hearing the same old politics left me in tears and sick to my stomach. Some get favouritism, while others are unethically pushed over their limits when they are really good/ caring employees. And I did not want to say before, but I had failed return when pushed to go back, when I said and knew I wasn’t ready, by the gov’t. The response first day was to “figure it out or just go home” by my superiors. I guess going back seems easier than leaving too... with all that I put into this career, I want to believe there is more in it for me to learn etc. I never chose the career, when discussing with my T- it was something I seemed naturally good at and was encouraged by well meaning people.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I innerstand. I was hired for a p/t food related position prior to being recognized for my natural talents that I hadn't been made aware of by anyone else before, and was being supported and nurtured along professionally by being given chances to go to classes, workshops, etc. to increase my understanding and skills, or at least I thought that's what it was. Then I lucked into a salaried position because I had interviewed for it a week before someone retired, and I had been the 2nd choice candidate. The supervisor requested the 2nd choice be given the position rather than go through the whole process again. *Whew!* The sparks were ignited and I was on fire for many years.

In hindsight, it seems I was the least qualified on paper, so they knew I'd try even harder to "prove" myself among the ranks of other highly qualified (on paper) folks to show I could do just as good of a job. I'd jump on any chance to serve the students and volunteered for things left and right. Worked myself right out of a job, I suppose. Whenever openings would come up for other positions I longed to fill, I was told I wasn't qualified enough to fill them, even though I helped create much of the criteria that was the foundation for some of the damn things in the first place.

 

[Freida]

There is a part of me that would like to quit treatment and hope I can get on with my life/work

@Daph I was just thinking the same thing! Trying to weigh the risks of going back with the need to survive

Meaning that doing "something" for a single day -or even a few hours in a day- doesn't completely wipe me out.

@Friday yep. Each time I get back on my feet and think I'm ready....my body gives out

I think you're risking taking your PTSD to levels which will be even harder to
heal from. Yes it's an exposure therapy of sorts but an uncontrolled exposure therapy----and that's not really a good thing.

@EveHarrington I need to post this on my laptop so I see it every time I think I'm ready.

 

[gealach]

hi Daph,
are you still on disability? GWL? if so, they can arrange a gradual return to work, with a set number of hours you can work per shift/tour.
if not, your doctor can dictate a gradual return with the same terms. This would allow you to test the waters in a controlled way, and gradually build up your tolerance to being back on car. This is/was a policy specifying how many tours you have to be 3rd on car, based on how long you've been away, the union should be able to help you find that policy and help advocate for you. Metro also has a reintegration team for practitioners who have been away ill or injured, you could get access to this too (depending on where you are).