When Do You Know It Is Time To Find A New Therapist?

[Fadeaway]

I am not sure my current therapist is helping me.

Before I started seeing him, I had a therapist I loved. He was wonderful and genuinely seemed to care. Due to moving I had to find a new therapist. He will literally nod off while I am talking. It bothers me a lot but I don't know how to say anything. I don't feel like I can communicate this kind of thing to him. I am worried if I find someone else I will feel guilty for not sticking it out.

 

[ellienad]

It's time to find a new therapist when they start nodding off while you're talking ;) By finding someone else, you aren't "not sticking it out". You are simply doing what's best for you!

 

[WillyKat]

Agree w/ ellienad. Remember, they work for you so you're no obligated to keep them employed if they fall asleep while on the job.

 

[Changing4Best]

My therapist will sometimes stifle a yawn, but her eyes are alert and on me and she seems attentive, so I stay with her. She also says things that let me know that I am being heard. Your therapist probably is not doing any of those things, is he? Really, the fact that you have written here and questioned his actions is enough for me to recommend that you find another therapist. You might want to suggest he have a sleep study done on your way out the door though. He might have sleep apnea. What he's doing is a symptom of that. In fact, do him a favor and let him know he's doing that, as he may not even be aware of it. THEN find another therapist!

 

[Notsowild]

Yikes nod off. I'd ask for my money back.

 

[franciemarnie]

It will be a great sign of health to discontinue with this T and not waste anymore time talking to yourself and paying someone for it.

 

[Seasounds]

Yep, I'm with the others on this. Therapists, who can stay awake, have a chance to be therapeutic. No need to worry about the therapist. Good luck!

 

[Justmehere]

It is terrible he is falling asleep in sessions. There is no excuse for falling asleep in the job, any job.

It bothers me a lot but I don't know how to say anything. I don't feel like I can communicate this kind of thing to him. I am worried if I find someone else I will feel guilty for not sticking it out.

I don't know how a therapist who is sleeping can help much. If he is sleeping - there also might be something to look at in what you all are talking about. It sounds like you are scared to tell him how you really feel, which makes sense if he is so checked out he is nodding off. It also sounds like you may be caretaking him somewhat - trying to protect him from very valid feedback that is appropriately critical of him. I think this may be a good opportunity to practice taking back your voice and letting go of trying to protect him, and tell him exactly how this is impacting you and the therapy and/or leave, and be proud of doing either or both.

 

[digger]

He will literally nod off while I am talking.

Now. Now is the time to find a new therapist! Right now!

 

[BloomInWinter]

One of my male therapists kept doing that when I was in college. After a big yawn, I told him I didn't need him anymore.

I left and didn't trust anyone to try therapy again for a few years. Now, looking back, I can see that I wasn't actually letting him know anything about my inner world. But he didn't have the qualifications for the type of therapy I needed.

It ended up working out for me because I have never wasted my time in therapy any more. My therapists will stifle yawns, and when I listen to the recording of that session, I feel like yawning. Usually, it happens when I'm dissociated and speaking in a quiet monotone. Honestly, I don't know how my they stand it.

But I know I matter to them. I know my needs are being met, even when they are tired. I don't take it personally because that's what happens to me sometimes. But it's very different because they have both been, and my current trauma therapist continues to be there for me and apologizes for yawning. If there wasn't any acknowledgement, I'd have moved on.

We also meet at the end of the day. I'm tired, too.

You deserve to demand and receive their full attention. A simple "am I boring you?" or some other comment might do wonders to help you practice standing up for yourself.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Sadly, I had to dump my therapist because all of the fingers pointed at me in regards to everything that was not only going wrong in my marriage but I couldn't say anything right. She knew I had PTSD but played it off as though I can't make up my mind on what was right and wrong! At the end of the session, I feel even worse like nothing was done except me being blamed while my soon to be ex has felt vindicated in his crap.

I lost it during my psychiatrist and blasted my soon to be ex because of his constant mental abuse and impatience with me. I was bawling and I lost it there because I felt like no one was listening to me and my psychiatrist had to pull me in and try to calm me. I said point blank, "My <ex> is a TRIGGER and he doesn't get what is going on with me! He thinks I'm a hypochondriac and a nut!" Who needs to be near that?

Needless to say, my medication was increased and although I felt better, my <ex> was beyond pissed off! He said, "You made me look like an idiot in there." I said, "You make me feel like an idiot every f**ing DAY especially when I'm with our therapist! Now you know why I don't see her anymore!!!!"

Wow. After a while, you just get fed up with lousy therapists who don't understand you, who look at you as another source of money, and just think that cognative therapy is the easy way out. Who are they kidding?

 

[Hashi]

He will literally nod off while I am talking....

I'm wondering, how would you respond if someone else told you their therapist did this?