My daughter is 22, just starting her own healing from PTSD and drug abuse. She was in another city for a few years, because I had a job offer here where my husbands family lives, and was sick of cold winters where we were. a couple of years prior to the move though, I was on disability for stress, ptsd starting to show itself then I know now.. and she was 13 and just out of control, doing drugs, not coming home, promiscuous, etc. I (and her step father who had health problems) could not handle, control her, she lied, stole, you name it. .totally acting out. I had lived with several alcoholics and drug addicts in my life before this, and was really triggered by all this.
I was so overwhelmed, she was a very emotionally disturbed/hard to care-for child all her life from her own early abuse (during visitations with her birth father when she was young-added trauma for me as well). I got her all the help she would accept, tried so hard to help her,. anyway, I had to end up calling child and family services, she went to live with my mother first (yay), but they couldn't handle her either. She ended up in foster care, and we gave her plenty of notice that wewere going to move, that we wanted her to come, but she had to get help first. She refused to get help, she was still using drugs heavily, and was almost 18. so with a very heavy heart, we moved, I started work here and she lived there (in very nice foster homes, a bad group home, and later with friends). She did not have an easy time of it, but the main problem was the drugs, she just could not quit. It ended quite badly in 2009, when she had an abusive partner, had to end a pregnancy, etc. So she came out here to start fresh, has made some major changes, but still has a way to go emotionally..we were emeshed for many years, just the 2 of us, and with all her (and my) problems. I'm working hard to set boundaries with her, but its not working lately..
My problem is: she is very angry with me, mainly for moving, no matter how much we talk about it, I apologize, explain, ask for forgiveness, etc. Lately this is coming out as total exasperation, judgement of me..she can't or won't understand that I'm depressed, my PTSD shows itself differently than hers. She basically said I don't "want to have fun", I want to be unhappy and won't help myself.. i feel sorry for myself, won't fight the PTSD. I should exercise like she does, go to AA mtgs like she does, etc. I told her to worry about herself, stop judging me, but she doesn't get it, won't stop.
So I guess I have to say clearly that I won't put up with this, it upsets me, stresses me out, and I have to avoid that right now. right?? give me some feedback if you could..:)
Brenda
I was so overwhelmed, she was a very emotionally disturbed/hard to care-for child all her life from her own early abuse (during visitations with her birth father when she was young-added trauma for me as well). I got her all the help she would accept, tried so hard to help her,. anyway, I had to end up calling child and family services, she went to live with my mother first (yay), but they couldn't handle her either. She ended up in foster care, and we gave her plenty of notice that wewere going to move, that we wanted her to come, but she had to get help first. She refused to get help, she was still using drugs heavily, and was almost 18. so with a very heavy heart, we moved, I started work here and she lived there (in very nice foster homes, a bad group home, and later with friends). She did not have an easy time of it, but the main problem was the drugs, she just could not quit. It ended quite badly in 2009, when she had an abusive partner, had to end a pregnancy, etc. So she came out here to start fresh, has made some major changes, but still has a way to go emotionally..we were emeshed for many years, just the 2 of us, and with all her (and my) problems. I'm working hard to set boundaries with her, but its not working lately..
My problem is: she is very angry with me, mainly for moving, no matter how much we talk about it, I apologize, explain, ask for forgiveness, etc. Lately this is coming out as total exasperation, judgement of me..she can't or won't understand that I'm depressed, my PTSD shows itself differently than hers. She basically said I don't "want to have fun", I want to be unhappy and won't help myself.. i feel sorry for myself, won't fight the PTSD. I should exercise like she does, go to AA mtgs like she does, etc. I told her to worry about herself, stop judging me, but she doesn't get it, won't stop.
So I guess I have to say clearly that I won't put up with this, it upsets me, stresses me out, and I have to avoid that right now. right?? give me some feedback if you could..:)
Brenda
