What he said in the email really resonated with me. I think that was the truth. I think he's not happy with things the way the are, but he's afraid they can't get better. The problem with actually TRYING is if you fail....... That's a very scarey place. A very dark, and very scarey place. The thing for him to do, of course, is take the chance. Easy to say from here!
I've been sitting here, looking back, wondering what might have made a difference to me, when I was in those situations. The thing is, the few people who've ever showed they cared about me? Most of them DIED. Now, rationally, I know that wasn't connected to me at all, it just happened. At my better moments, I get that. At my LESS good moments....... Sometimes I really think the best thing I can do for someone I care about is walk away before they die.
Having said that, I'm still trying to think, what could someone have said or done that might have gotten me in to therapy faster than I did? I don't know. Maybe if they'd said they knew I was a mess, but they loved me anyway? Maybe it they'd even said they were scared too, but they were willing to hold my hand so we could both feel better..... I don't know.
Here's the thing, you have to decide for yourself what you can deal with and what you can't and you have to look out for your kids. Although some of what he's done is difficult to deal with, I really don't think he's TRYING to be manipulative or abusive. And, MOST of time, in these discussions, I tend to tell "supporters" to bail. Sometimes people ARE abusive and manipulative and we all need to stay away from them. In THAT case, I think he'd have sent the email to YOU. I think he's trying to say something and let you off the hook at the same time. And I suspect you're right in what you said in your last post. If it was me, I'd want someone to track him down before he decides to pick a drastic solution to his problem.
