When Is The Right Time To Leave The Forum?

[anthony]

2quilt, I will actually say that you own your reaction if you interpreted 2 months ago and didn't ask for clarification. This forum advocates clarification, to ask questions, to question what someone's meaning is. Regardless being Nicolette, you own your decision to leave the forum, nobody else. You own what you felt, you own your actions and nobody else.

From what I am reading above, you interpreted a lot, considering none of what you interpreted for yourself was actually stated. When I wrote this article, people asked me questions about it, about what I meant, to clarify anything they were unsure what I meant, to reword as to whether what I meant was said, or whether their interpretation of what I said was wrong. If you have been carrying around for two months a feeling of being hurt, then that is just silly IMO. Has this forum taught you nothing?

 

[Nicolette]

2quilt....here is the link to my post [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/showthread.php?t=13592"]Why Are You Still Here?[/DLMURL]. I still can't understand what I said to upset you? Please explain.

 

[This Ends Now]

Just my opinion, but we can only keep what we have by giving it away. This forum has helped me more than years of traditional therapy and has been a wonderful add on to my current wellness plan. Yes, I still need lots of emotional support here and in real life. I had planned on stopping by even after most of my symptoms had become manageable so that I could share what worked for me, check up on the latest research, reach out to those who are still suffering very severely, write in my journal (which is a good thing sick or well), and talk to those who I consider friends (another good thing sick or well). I do not spend nearly as much time on here as I did when I first started, but I would like to stick around for a while. I would say it is best to judge your forum time (or time in any activity for that matter) by the result of that activity. If posting here improves your life in any way then please do. If you feel like you are caught in a trap and being dragged down or running in circles then maybe your time would be better spend else where. I think this is something that will vary from individual to individual.

 

[anni]

Hi 2quilt,

I don't know if you remember, but I'd had a shame/guilt/dreck reaction to an article about length of therapy time. You replied very concisely and kindly and because of it and a few others I stayed here.

It's tough, I know. I had a discussion with another member about how PTSD manifests in various sufferers. You do seem to have the same general reactions I do, and it sucks, I know. I'm not sure why some people have the judgement/guilt/shame/dreck thing going on and others seem to have aggression, and still others different manifestations all together but it's striking sometimes, isn't it?

Please do not go away. I'd actually been wondering where you'd been, and am sorry you'd had this time of it. I know exactly how you feel because I'd had the same reaction for the same reason, although a different post. I was in a better 'space' when Nicolette posted that question, and although ( because I do the same 'thing' ) reacted badly at the title, read it through and realized it was cool-she was curious. I'm writing this because I REALLY wanted you to know that one of the reasons I was able to even be this clear-sighted was because of you! :) I'm quite serious. I'd been feeling terribly guilty because I had had 5 years of therapy when the articles said that was excessive. You posted saying your expereinces, in a really sound manner. It helped. I realized I AM working hard, had a long term, crappy, horrible unspeakable trauma, and it's going to take more time. I don't talk about it to anyone outside here, have a fairly successful life and now pretty much am resigned to figuring out how to live with the dreck that's left. Being here is hugely helpful, mostly. I don't live on the forum, but making myself check in here reminds me to go take care of the major things I try like hell to avoid every day and also gives me the comfort of knowing I'm just not alone.
Is there a limit? Probably, but I'm not planning on giving myself the guilt of going to look for it. I know what's working for me at the moment. Everyone's different and this is me. That's pretty much what you said to me, too.

There's a ton of different personalities, manifestations of this dam PTSD, takes on whatever-subject here, too, I know. I'm getting an awful lot better at just not dealing with the threads and posts which seem a tad too-robust- for comfort. Please do hang in there.

Hope you're feeling a little stronger!

Anni

 

[k.c. gregory]

Your point is well received here. I spent years in therapy before during and after diagnosis and felt a twinge of guilt hanging on for quitting therapy. I just couldn't drag it all out anymore. It was time to start living with the tools I had leaned without the paid "supporter".

 

[k.c. gregory]

Hi 2quilt,

I don't know if you remember, but I'd had a shame/guilt/dreck reaction to an article about length of therapy time. You replied very concisely and kindly and because of it and a few others I stayed here.

Drecks? Threads? Posts? Is there a book I should read. I new into accepting diagnosis. Looking for new tools.

 

[Brontie]

This is a very good article and very true. I’ve been on many forums and this is the first one to encourage people to leave when they feel ready. Others I’ve been on want to keep their boards busy because they are all about adverts and making money. Thank you for this very honest approach. I agree that it’s like therapy and that the longer you are in it the more you come to depend on it. I know it seems like I have been in it for some time but I haven’t. I have spent long spells working through stuff on my own on and off over the years. I plan to tell psych-doc that I’m done for now. So I think I’ll stick around here for a little while longer for some support while I see how I manage on my own.

 

[Abstract]

I like that members are encouraged to be independent and agree that too much exposure to truama stuff can just make us sicker at a certain point. As does introspection taken too far, eventually.

I question the six week therapy issue.
I think for those who dissociate or have trust issues it can be near impossible to discuss what needs to be discussed and it can be a very slow process.

I agree that staying in t once someone has processed everything is sure to just to be about not taking responsibility for ourselves and not using tools but there can be so much more involved than this.

I can sit through an entire session and only be able to say three sentences. If I am totally dissociated or unable to speak I can sometimes draw and that helps but it is slow.
I also have had interpersonal issues, an eating disorder etc and even though these were surely triggered by trauma they need specific treatment in and of themselves. The average time for recovery from an eating disorder is seven years and that is if there is no significant trauma complicating things.
.
I work really really hard and am dedicated but have probably had seven years of therapy or more and over a time. On top of that I have worked hard for more years inbetween on a working site similar to this one but for one of the other issues I have.
I have still not managed to get near some of my trauma stuff.
My progress is exponential and at least knowing what I am feeling and thinking is a big help. I am close to the end but I could not have done it any quicker and have only found a relatively stable place in the last two years.

I imagine complex trauma experinced in childhood which affects development is a different issue to adult trauma. ?

 

[anthony]

Yes... adult trauma is vastly different to complex trauma. Childhood and military often fit into complex trauma, depending obviously on duration on both counts. Duration is the key to complex trauma, not just being a child. Children are actually proven extremely resilient to heal mental health far better than adults, as they don't have the complicated understandings of adulthood.

The average trauma therapy is 12 weeks... that does not mean you are all better, that means that you should be taking all your skills and learning and then applying them yourself, not relying on a third party for constant answers. Trauma therapy is about education, being specific to your situation... it should pass you the skills needed to help yourself, because that is the only person who can help you, being yourself. Always has been that way... and I dislike therapists who encourage longevity counselling or those who just allow a person to continue coming back for years, taking their money. It is deceptive at the foundational core of knowledge in becoming a counsellor in the first place.

 

[Abstract]

I too agree that therapists who are not ethical and take advantage of clients by making them dependent are contemptable. I also agree that people not using skills to help themselves and waiting for others to fix them is not helpful to them.

Found the following which I thought was interesting:
http://www.traumacenter.org/products/JTS_Oct_09_Cloitre_et_al.pdf
although I do remember reading some research on resiliency that mentioned some aspects of imaturity being a little protective I believe early onset affects development more from what I can remember reading). Shall have to dig those out and see!

It would also be interesting to see research on how the type of trauma affects someones ability to relate in therapy. Whether interpersonal trauma/agressive acts from someone one knows result in differences in this respect to when one does not know the person or another human being is not involved.

 

[Abstract]

There appears to be problem with the link linking up directly from this board but copying and pasting it and searching will link to it without any problem.
"A Developmental Approach to Complex PTSD in adults and children".

 

[anthony]

I fixed this already.... the link works.