What keeps me up at night is the thought that when things get too good, they run. I know it is not a supporter's fault, but in a sad way it is. Had we left them alone, it wouldn't be on our conscience. I don't want to feel guilty for this, and I don't want her to either. The feeling of complete joy to the feeling of total and complete rejection that fast.... it really does break you down.
I studied, and I was ready for the rough patches, but not that. I thought we would talk, I assumed too much.
My heart was in it 100%. My brain saw the signs. The silence has awaken me to the reality of it all. I realize some things I may have done that caused stress, what I allowed her to do and say. I know what I would do differently. At first I really wanted her back and to know she was ok. Now I really just want her to be ok, and I struggle to believe what we had was even real.
It is that heart vs brain battle. I do remember the moments of when she really was there for me. Part of me thinks I started to go 75 to meet her 25. I was ok with that, but never again. She must come 100% and I will walk beside her at the same 100%. Should we waiver, I will stop and communicate. If she can't do that, then I can't stay. And you shouldn't either.