When treatment providers laugh... too much? or not?

[Justmehere]

I use humor to cope - mostly offline. It’s fun to have others laugh out loud with me. Makes my days easier. My doctor is pretty jovial and humorous, and the two of us together, we joke a lot. Today, I mentioned I needed a certain type of exam I’ve been avoiding. I happened to mention the last time I had it done was... 5 years ago. (It should be done annually.)

My doc and I were already joking around, and when I said it’s been 5 years, my doc laughed so hard tears came out. She had to pull out another Kleenex box.

Sigh.

So. Uh. Like I’m happy I make people laugh. As a rule I don’t make fun of other people, but I’ll joke about broken systems, government, and myself. I laugh at myself a lot.

Recently I told my physical therapist “I’m clinically ill-coordinated.” No. It’s a thing. This PT burst out a stuttering laugh, trying to hide it. I giggled too...

But then... it’s like uh, I wasn’t totally trying to be funny.

It’s a problem in therapy, it’s a good thing with friends, I think.

I’m confused at the moment about it. I don’t want to stop joking around, as I like that people feel happy around me every now and then.

But uh, maybe it’s gone too far if my doc is laughing to tears about my avoidance of a triggering medical exam?

Or maybe that’s ok? I feel awkward. I wasn’t meaning to be funny in either circumstance. Lighthearted, sure... but not that. Maybe it is ok?

 

[Sweetleaf]

But uh, maybe it’s gone too far if my doc is laughing to tears about my avoidance of a triggering medical exam?

As someone with a very triggering scary medical procedure about to happen, I think it is -extremely- insensitive that she's even laughing - also, to me it screams "I don't understand PTSD well enough!"

 

[EveHarrington]

As someone with a very triggering scary medical procedure about to happen, I think it is -extremely-...

I see things differently as the OP has a pattern of making treatment providers laugh.

OP I think that it’s up to you to change this dynamic. I think that your providers are meeting you where you are——this is exactly what they are supposed to do. Many people use humor in order to get through situations. It’s not up to providers to determine that this humor is “too much” given that they see you relatively little in the grand scheme of things——perhaps with the exception of your therapist who sees you a bit more....but at the same time I think it’s up to you to bring it to your therapists attention——and if she can’t meet you where you are and work on minimizing the humor in session, this is a fault of hers.

 

[whiteraven]

But uh, maybe it’s gone too far if my doc is laughing to tears about my avoidance of a triggering medical exam?

Or maybe that’s ok? I feel awkward. I wasn’t meaning to be funny in either circumstance. Lighthearted, sure... but not that. Maybe it is ok?

I'm sorry...NO, not ok!!! Oh my gosh, I'm just so sorry this happened to you. My therapist and I laugh a lot, but he's never made light of something that was "off" or that was bothering me. And if I'm laughing about something that clearly is a worry for me, he always very gently points it out.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I see things differently as the OP has a pattern of making treatment providers laugh.

Laughing to tears though? About a medical exam? That seems a bit much, even if most people get that shit done yearly.

@Justmehere you're perfectly valid in feeling upset or however else you feel about it.

You can try taking to you T about it, if you feel like that's something you could/want to do.

I do want to say though - with my old T, I made her laugh all the time. But she also laughed at things she shouldn't have, and those things she laughed at were signs that she didn't understand my PTSD. Like, my pdoc has PTSD and doesn't laugh at those same things. If she's laughing at that, to the point of crying, then perhaps she doesn't quite understand how horrible and triggering doing certain medical exams can be for someone with PTSD? That is my train of thought.

 

[mamachick]

justmehere, I understand as I use humor as a coping mechanism too, and its a darn good one much of the time. I have used humor in therapy and with other medical professionals as well, but there is a time that they need to take the lead and become more serious.

Putting off an annual exam for 5 yrs is not really funny. If you used humor in explaining this, even a good friend might laugh with you about it initially, but then see what they could do to help you get through this. Clearly there is an avoidance going on here.

Maybe you could explain this to your therapist as she may not even realize. It saddens me to think that professionals let you get by with this. Humor is a great tool, but it can be covering up much pain or fear as well.

 

[Swift]

Yeah, I'm in the habit of considering my appointments a success if I can make the provider laugh. I don't want someone with no sense of humour.
That being said, I don't see anything particularly appropriate about laughing *at* you, instead of laughing *with* you.
It is not your job to make sure the provider has a good time in your appointment. It's not your job to make them laugh, even if you like doing it, there's not some rule that says you have to.
One of the things I struggled to explain was why it was ok to laugh at some things and not others.
Like, I've just broken my hand, and my friends are laughing/taking the piss and some of that is funny, and some of it isn't. I'd be super annoyed if my therapist laughed off my legitimate concerns, rather than chuckling at a joke I made.
It's okay to not know quite where your lines are about that. I don't tend to until somebody crosses them.
The facts are she laughed and that was upsetting to you. It's okay, in fact good, to feed that back.
(When I was new to therapy and a pretty unstable person, my T laughed at the wrong time. I told him "I don't have to listen to this shit", and got up and left. I went back, he apologised, I apologized, all good.)
Be protective of yourself.

 

[gealach]

medical practitioner perspective

I think I'm going to be the dissenting voice on this one. (I'm cringing already)

Are these medical providers used to laughing with you? it seems like they are, and if they are, then they likely weren't being ignorant or insensitive, they were behaving in a way that has been acceptable in the past. They aren't mind readers, and wouldn't know that these particular conversations were different (as in, actually serious, not joking) than previous conversations. They need to know/be told when/if the rules of a conversation have changed. Something like, "I need to be serious for a moment....", then if they laugh it is definitely inappropriate and worthy of a strong correction.

Also, these practitioners probably weren't viewing the conversations through the lens of a ptsd sufferer. There are literally thousands of physical and mental health diagnoses, and I'm not sure it's fair to expect every practitioner, at every interaction, with every patient/client, to view the interaction through the lens of the diagnosis/diagnoses of that particular person. Unless it's defined that way beforehand (e.g. I'm here to discuss ptsd symptoms, and the practitioner is supposed to know something about how to provide ptsd-sensitive care), there's just no way for a non-specialist practitioner to perform to that exacting level.

"you should have known" is just not a realistic expectation.

Anyway, my 2 cents (or is it 5 cents, since we don't have pennies anymore?)

ETA: I saw the doctor (family GP?), and the physio were laughing with the OP, but I missed the part where the therapist (P-doc?) was laughing. Psychologists/psychiatrists are specialists and must know when it's time to be serious.

 

[Swift]

medical practitioner perspective

I think I'm going to be the dissenting voice on this one. (I'm crin...

Wise words.
I was trying to say a similar thing far less eloquently - it's ok to go back and tell them that the laughing at that time felt bad.

 

[mamachick]

@brokenEMT well said.
I agree with the case of the P-doc as well.
Laughter is great medicine. Im sure the p-doc recognizes that too.
I would just hope that she would re-direct when there is something more serious to address, and OP did not say that she does not.

 

[Still Standing]

I'm agreeing with brokenEMT. Could it be that the way you delivered the statement about the delayed medical procedure was said in the familiar pattern of humor? I could see myself replying in a less than serious tone, yet, knowing that I was trying to bring the subject up so that it could be seen in a more serious manner? I would suggest at your next session that you simply say something to the effect, "Hey, about that medical test that I have been putting off, and I am being serious now....." This way, the laughing from last session can be placed to the side and you can approach the subject on your terms. If your T still makes light of your issue, then you can reevaluate the relationship and make a better decision about it.

 

[ILoveLife]

I've had the same problem.. old T used to laugh a lot, at the most innapropriate things too. This last T was calmer and more reserved, we shared laughs but she only laughed innapropriately once. I think we instintively know when it's too much laughter, and we are absolutely in the right to point it out to them. People are people, trauma is hard to hear about, it's not like they are making fun of us or anything, just that their emotions can't handle it all the time.