When You Dissociate, Where Do You Go?

[shimmerz]

T-doc used to ask me all the time whether I would ever see myself from up top or in the corner or from another part of the room. He seemed really surprised that I went inside. Deep, deep inside.

I do recall one time only when I dissociated and saw myself from 'above me'. The circumstances of that were different from most and I didn't actually realize at that time that I had been dissociative most of my life.

I am just wondering. When you dissociate, can you feel yourself observing yourself from somewhere? Do you feel like you are 'outside' of yourself or 'inside' of yourself?

 

[sun seeker]

Inside.

 

[illusionist]

I go deep deep into myself....can only describe it as deep into my soul.

 

[oasis2003]

Inside.

 

[Kintsugi]

Deep inside here as well. Way, way down inside. I even have a room there. Really, I do. It's a cellar. It's not a nice room, but it's where I go.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I go outside. I can see myself and my T from the side. Whenever I am vulnerable I am outside looking down, or to the side.

 

[Chava]

To a still functional degree I go a few inches outside myself. Totally gone I probably go deep inside but it feels more like nowhere, like every piece of me turned to ether and evaporated. I feel empty on inside, like a vacant body where a person used to be. Also not situated in time, not "here" in terms of space or time.

 

[Tinyflame]

Not present. I don't know. 'Removed'? If it occurs (not really sure) it would be inside. 'Away'.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I retreat inside. There, depending on the level of disconnect, it's either a fuzzy reeve from where I am or complete silence and complete darkness. I feel fuzzy and warm and protected. It can go on for minutes or hours until someone pulls m out, and every time this happens, it's such a painful rupture.

 

[shimmerz]

it's such a painful rupture

This is an incredibly succinct way of putting this. Thank you Shadow.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Wow, I thought most people left their bodies. It's interesting and I wonder if it has to do with the type of abuse.

 

[shimmerz]

wonder if it has to do with the type of abuse

Yes, I have wondered that myself. It would be interesting to investigate. I thought I went inside because I didn't have a sense of my body at the time of the original trauma.

ETA: Mods is there a way of converting this into a poll? I didn't think of that before I posted this.