When You Dissociate, Where Do You Go?

[oasis2003]

I lose track of time ......

 

[Tinyflame]

I wonder if it has to do with the type of abuse.

And/ or one's personality & the options to deal with it?

I don't notice features of my surroundings or I get 'lost' in what I'm 'supposed' to think, feel, or do, or where I'm to go (& how to get there). Although maybe that's overwhelm, Idk.

 

[Lucycat]

What a strange question. I thought I went to the same place as everyone else. Out the window. It was only when reading the other replies that I see there is an alternative or two!

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @Lucycat , 'out the window' sounds so much better than what I experience! ;) :hug:

 

[littlelostchild]

I go inside to a quiet place that is closed off to others. It's where I can soothe myself as best I can until it is safe to come back.

 

[Tinyflame]

Just curious, a related question, is it dissociation if we are aware? And also, do you 'fake it' if there are witnesses? For example, if I am 'lost' lone in familiar surroundings I get panicked & in tears. But if I am in public & can't remember where to go etc I 'act' cool about it, like 'no problem here', though in both cases I still can't remember where to go.

Also, if I can't do something, like I try to light a candle but I'm shaking too badly, if I try to keep trying & there are witnesses I start to zoom out, so I find it's best to abandon trying & that stops it or it progresses. As soon as I give up I feel more 'removed' but I am partly still there. Does that make any sense whatsoever? :confused:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I float out the window just floating. Sometimes I am standing at a window looking at me-waiting-for what I don't know. The part of me that dissociates is a young child. So sometimes I am adult me observing the young girl dissociating.

 

[shimmerz]

is it dissociation if we are aware

I can be aware but dissociative. I just can't seem to do anything about it if my dissociation is causing me, or other people, grief. That is just myself. Dissociation to me is a spectrum. The longer I am in it the farther I go.

And also, do you 'fake it' if there are witnesses?

Yes, I do. And then when I get to safety I go so deep that people couldn't get to me for days afterwards. It was a brutal form of behaviour management.

 

[littlelostchild]

I can be dissociative and aware - it's like a continuum for me. Once I pass a certain threshold, though, I can't easily get grounded and may get lost entirely in the dissociation. It depends on how overwhelmed I am feeling.
I tend to fake 'normal' and then crash after the situation has resolved itself.

 

[illusionist]

Shimmerz.....spectrum describes it perfectly! I learned to bring myself out of it, because I had to. Recently I've had the freedom and the need to go into the depth of it. At the moment it feels like an addictive drug but know it's keeping me safe, for now....until certain things in my life at the moment move on.

 

[shimmerz]

At the moment it feels like an addictive drug but know it's keeping me safe, for now

I have to tell you Richter, when I first started gaining control over it I remember actually yearning to go diss. WTF? I couldn't believe it! I actually played a part in this thing that I was trying to kick!

It was like a cheap drug that one gets addicted to. However the cost to me has been very high. I don't dissociate now at all anymore - not in a pathological way, and OMG, the problems I now face because of the dissing. OMFG. But I am not going back there. Not for anything.

 

[Glenn R.]

When I disassociate, the energy of my emotions get trapped within, and I go numb. This is a particularly uncomfortable place for me. I get muscle spasms, lose my sensitivity toward others and get bombarded by a deluge of negative thoughts. My inner critic/persecutor starts to beat the crap out of me, as well!