When You Dissociate, Where Do You Go?

[shimmerz]

Brain scans show most of the brain shuts down.

Yes. Creepy tons. Interesting though. I didn't know the brain went offline. I know it feels like it .... I didn't know it did it though. Thank you for this.

 

[Chava]

About the wife's response when presented a script reminding her of the trauma during brain scan (Van Der Kolk is calling this both dissociation and depersonalization): "She responded to her trauma script by going numb: Her mind went blank and nearly every area of her brain showed markedly decreased activity. Her heart rate and blood pressure didn't elevate. When asked how she'd felt during the scan, she replied: 'I felt just like I felt at the time of the accident: I felt nothing.'"

nearly every area of her brain showed markedly decreased activity = very tricky to work with. I appreciate Van Der Kolk's humility in mentioning he sometimes prayed for the sessions with blanked out patients to be over because they were so lifeless. But the scans helped him appreciate that struggle and approach his work with these patients differently.

I sort of want to know if antipsychotics actually help anyone with this...like does it activate the rest of their brain? I assume NOT. Because when I went really blank years ago my therapist said I needed more help (true, true) but the hospital put me on anti-psychotics and I just slept all day and was in a thick bubble for weeks. WTF. It was very wasteful. Sorry, this isn't really a question. I'm just bitching. I hope more people in psychology and medicine read this book. So far I'm seeing good data and easy-to-follow summaries of meaningful trauma research.

 

[shimmerz]

@Chava, this is super helpful stuff. Thank you so much! I know what the anti-psychotics did to me (all two days of them). I find it super interesting about the brain scan. Can you keep us posted if you see anything else on it that you feel would be helpful?

 

[Chava]

Yes, and you would really like this book. I also got "Healing Developmental Trauma" (read about ten pages then started "The Body Keeps Score"...I have somewhat dysfunctional reading habits but will try to stick this one out!)

 

[Chava]

"You don't need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers--but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens." --Bessel Van Der Kolk

OMG I LOVE THIS.

Okay, no more hijacks, promise.

 

[Ronin]

Depends what it is. Usually somewhere dark, a step aside of myself (don't know how to describe that, kinda dual sensation me/my body), behind my eyes or back to the worse stuff in the past. It usually kicks me back up. (If nothing else the past has still too many people I promised to live for... so whatever it is I'm dealing with now, move the hell out, I've got promises to keep and air to breathe and sun to admire and rain to dance in and a poem to write or something similarly mission oriented about super small crap.)

 

[StarChild]

I think it (my dissociation) happens like @Oasis wrote:

when every thing gets too overwhelming especially when reliving memories in EMDR therapy. A mixture between meditation and dissociation.

Often, it happens after a rough time with flashbacks or panic attacks, or when I'm very overtired.

Not present. I don't know. 'Removed'? ............ 'Away'.

Yes, away I would say too... - I don't know "where" I go = if it is inside or outside or wherever... But where I am at, is kind of a silent, empty, but beautifully sunlight-flooded room, with a gentle summer breeze in it. The room is all white and there are also soft white curtains, that move a bit from this gentle breeze. In this room, everything is silent. No screams anymore, no "movies" of all those horrible childhood incidents, no body pain, no fears, no feelings. Everything is just silent, gently bright and calm. Everything is okay, is fine, is safe and peaceful finally.

Other times, I find myself on a meadow, laced with blooming flowers. Sometimes I'm deep down in the warm tropical sea. Just floating, and watching the sunbeams moving in the deep water. I just am and watch. I actually cannot choose where I'll go. It just puts me "there".

 

[Melp283]

I don't leave my body, but I no longer control it. It starts with confusion... then it's like my whole self, my being, shrinks into a tiny dot in my head. I can't think, breathe, or move with any sort of purpose.

 

[crystaltear]

When I disassociate, the energy of my emotions get trapped within, and I go numb. This is a particularly uncomfortable place for me. I get muscle spasms, lose my sensitivity toward others and get bombarded by a deluge of negative thoughts. My inner critic/persecutor starts to beat the crap out of me, as well!

OMG YES. I couldn't have explained it better. I don't go off somewhere, it's more like the conscious me is slightly out of sync with the rest of me & I can't access my emotions or think clearly. I just realised that I have been bouncing between 4 "alts" all day. Each time in convinced it's the normal me, but my behaviour, thoughts & desires drastically change with each jump, & I have that numb spaced out feeling that something's wrong & the answer is out of reach. And the build up of nervous energy one it's actually awful. Sometimes I have to binge eat sugar until I wanna throw up just to offset the discomfort,

 

[Crissy87124]

I think for the most part I go numb. I feel nothing, and I am aware that there is nothing happening-no emotion, no response, no information getting in or out. I watched a roll over accident the other day happen right in front of me, and I just sat there wondering exactly when my brain would process what I saw. Nobody else in the car seemed freaked out. We kept driving and arrived at our location, and after being numb for half hour or so I had a panic attack and complete meltdown.

 

[shimmerz]

Okay, no more hijacks, promise

Please don't promise. It adds flavour to the posting. :hug::hug:

 

[y5L]

I'm always in the upper back right corner of my head... Always holding my knees. It's a safe place.