Whenever I think I'm ok& making progress, I feel like he'll contact me..

[RavenWine]

The more I get comfortable with myself and let my guard down, I keep getting this feeling in the back of my mind that my abuser is going to try to contact me any day now and it will ruin my progress. I keep hearing thoughts in my mind about how if knew I was doing something he wouldn't approve of, life would become more difficult for me. Am I being paranoid? I feel like the few times I've gotten close to being okay, somehow he sneaks back up to bring me down because he doesn't ever want me to be happy..

 

[osiris]

Sorry you’re feeling like this @RavenWine

What I’ve been recently learning from people here is this whole cyclical thing. Things can do well and then bam! you’re back to something freaking tough.
I think our brains try and process a whole load of stuff and sometimes it doesn’t feel healthy or good when bad stuff comes up, but that’s part of the journey.
Wish it was simpler but as you learn more strategies the better bits in between might get better/longer.
I don’t know, but there is hope.
The good news is you’re saying there are things that make you happy, so you are moving forward and have been doing so up to this point. Which means you can continue to do so.
So even if he would or does disapprove, well, screw him. You being happy is more important than that.

Wishing you more better days soon.

 

[RubyBlue]

A couple questions first:

1. Are you currently in therapy for this?
2. Is your abuser alive? Or do they have any real/tangible ways of reaching you?

I know just how this feels and I can sympathize. It’s hell. There’s always this feeling of being watched, or that you will suddenly run into them somewhere, or someone they know will see you and want to talk to you or worse let your abuser know where you are. I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Some level of paranoia is definitely normal, but it’s something that should absolutely be talked about in counseling.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Block him on any social media. Change your phone #, etc. Allow zero ways of contacting you.

0r

Gimme his name and address. I'll add is to "the list". When I finally snap, he'll come up missing in action. ?

 

[RavenWine]

A couple questions first:

1. Are you currently in therapy for this?
2. Is your abuser alive? Or do they have any real/tangible ways of reaching you?

I know just how this feels and I can sympathize. It’s hell. There’s always this feeling of being watched, or that you will suddenly run into them somewhere, or someone they know will see you and want to talk to you or worse let your abuser know where you are. I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Some level of paranoia is definitely normal, but it’s something that should absolutely be talked about in counseling.

I saw a new therapist probably about a month ago now and have not seen her since because of what's going on in the world. My abuser is still alive, as far as I know and he has ways to get ahold of me if he could. I've blocked him on social media but he could always make a new account to contact me. I have a restraining order but he acts like he doesn't care if he's sent to jail and likes to manipulate me and call my bluff..
Yeah I get super paranoid sonetimes, especially at night.. and I can't go to certain areas of places I've been before with him or places I know he may show up. Thankfully I don't live in the same city as him anymore. I do want to see my therapist again eventually..

 

[Mee]

You have been really proactive in protecting yourself and creating strong boundaries! That’s excellent.


And lol @Truthful_Whispers ..... do you keep a list? ?

 

[Changing4Best]

My abuser did run into me about a year and a half later. I was well along in therapy then to politely tell him off and send him on his way. I just pointed out to him a few of his less than stellar personality traits and things he had done to me that were illegal, like keeping drugs in our room, and he left. I have never seen him since. Fortunately this happened at a bus stop, so there were plenty of witnesses, should he have tried anything.