Where are my flashbacks?

[Ladygdala]

Hello all, I’ve been going to therapy and doing somatic work for a while now and I feel like I am not progressing onto the next phase or stage or whatever. I’m still stuck in depersonalization. I’m eating a very strict diet. No gluten no dairy no caffeine and very little refined sugars. Veggies n fruits. Sleeping more now, but dreaming more so I wake up throughout the night. Not bad dreams though. I Take vitamins every day, fish oils, ginkgo biloba, D and B vitamins. I run every second evening after work. And I just started lifting weights. So I am doing lots for my body and mind so that I feel safe. But I am still disconnected. Foggy brained. A little less exhausted than usual though now that I started weights. That’s the only difference that I notice.

It is hard for me to admit that I am or have been effected from my experiences as a child/as a teenager because I do not have flashbacks. My mind is actually very blank. And I do not have flashbacks. Even when I had my panic disorder in my teens, I would panic around people (social phobia/anxiety) but no flashbacks. Uncomfortable memories but no flashbacks. I was chatting with someone online recently about it and she suggested that maybe I dont have them yet because of my dissociation is still lingering And that she had similar issues. My therapist thinks it is because I still don’t feel emotionally safe yet so the dissociation is still there. So I started strengthening my muscles to see if that could help my mind and body have a stronger bond.
Does any one have any ideas or thoughts or personal stories?

 

[Abstract]

Just my take but flashbacks aren't a symptom of connection. They are rather a symptom of certain level of unprocessing of trauma. Of an experience being stuck in a certain part of the brain in a particular way. Where it keeps falling off the bookshelf because it hasn't been filed properly.

There are various ways one can be effected by horrible experiences. Not having flashbacks doesn't mean one isn't affected by the experience. Just affected in a different way.

As a separate issue, one possible reason for feeling dissociation can be because of not feeling safe enough.

 

[One step at a time]

For me, various dissociative symptoms (including depersonalization) have been the last things to go, in this process. Lots of things are repaired or are no longer issues unless my stress cup really spills over. The dissociative stuff has also improved, but much more slowly.

Abstract is right - some people with traumatic experiences don't have flashbacks, so that might be a separate question.

 

[Freida]

I've only had a couple of flashbacks along the way. I'm more the intrusive thought kind -- those thoughts that run thru your head like squirrels on crack. I'm disconnected a lot - just something you have to work through to get to the emotions. There is no right or wrong way to do this whole ptsd thing -- whatever is going on with you is what you address....

 

[Friday]

Not everyone has all symtoms. You may never have flashbacks.

Intrusion symptoms, CriterionB, only requires 1. And you’ve got at least 2 with the disassociation & distressing memories.

B. Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:

1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s) Note: In children older than 6 years, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic event(s) are expressed.
2. Recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). Note:In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
3. Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring. (Such reactions may occur on a continuum, with the most extreme expression being a complete loss of awareness of present surroundings.) Note: In children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.
4. Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).
5. Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

Diagnostic Criteria for 309.81 (F43.10) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/ptsd-diagnosis.87466/

Diagnostic Criteria for 309.81 (F43.10) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/ptsd-diagnosis.87466/

 

[Ladygdala]

Just my take but flashbacks aren't a symptom of connection. They are rather a symptom of certain level...

Thank you, I don’t know why I have it in my head that if I don’t properly fit into every symptom then I have to start looking elseware for the reasoning of my issues. Ive wasted so much medical Doctors time with countless blood work requests that I’m embarassed to go back now.

 

[Freida]

Dont be embarrassed -- it's good to make sure there is nothing else going on....

 

[Ladygdala]

For me, various dissociative symptoms (including depersonalization) have been the last thing...

I’m just so impatient with getting rid of the fog I think. I know It’s there for a reason. How did you figure out your process? What was the first few things you started with in your healing process that helped you?

 

[Freida]

first thing I had to learn ..... Its a marathon - not a sprint. It takes longer than I want it too - but if i push myself too hard I will implode. And that was tough. I wanted to just power through it. But I had to build my coping skills to a point where they started to become automatic before I could really get into the bad stuff and start cleaning out my head. Then it was lots of talking and lots of EMDR....and still is.... its all baby steps

 

[Ladygdala]

first thing I had to learn ..... Its a marathon - not a sprint. It takes longer than I want it too - bu...

Right now it’s as if I am on autopilot life for no reason. So frustrating. Do you think my coping skills are a good start? The gym and running, eating well etc.. also, what do you think of somatic work? Do you think it differs much from emdr? Thank you so much for your info. Just knowing that kinda helps me understand the real ness of how much of a process this is.

 

[Freida]

All of the body things you are doing (exercise, eating well, etc) are great coping skills! Anything that makes you healthier will help in the emotional healing process. Somatic therapies like talking and yoga have been helpful for me to decrease my stress level so I can be more "here" in the emotional process.

Is it similar to emdr? Kind of. here's how emdr was explained to me...
The front part of your brain carries your memories of today, in present tense. When you go to sleep and into REM you process those memories and emotions into long term memory. Trauma stops that process, so the memories/emotions stay in present tense instead of moving to where they belong. That's where intrusive thoughts come from - memories that think they are still happening. EMDR helps you relive the experience so that you can process the emotions that you couldn't process then, and move those memories out of present tense.

I won't lie. EMDR is miserable - because it makes you relive it. The good news is that the EMDR therapist will work with you to set safe places and coping skills so that if you get overwhelmed you can handle it. And when it works it is amazing. Suddenly the trauma just isn't important anymore. It seems very far away, like something that happened a long time ago that makes you sad when you think about it. But doesn't make you sad all the time.

 

[Ladygdala]

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All of the body things you are doing (exercise, eating well, etc) are great coping skills! Anything tha...

I’m so glad emdr is helping you so much!! Wow it sounds very beneficial! I’m sure it took a while. The realization that it’s going to be a long process has been coming in waves for me. One day I’m laughing with friends at work then the next few days, even week after I’m exhausted from having “too much fun”. I’m sure it gets confusing to them. And thank you, I’m hoping to do everything I need to do so that I can start the process right to living my life with emotions and without fear.