Where Do You Find Courage To Open Up?

[Cool Cat]

@shimmerz that actually makes a ridiculous amount of sense. And disassociation, is that where you just randomly start staring blank into space?

And furthermore, I think I have gone beyond that before and been damaged. Definetly, there have been times when I went really deep into something and for the rest of the week being completely in pieces.

Early this year (with my last therapist, who I dumped after because he was rubbish) went really into stuff that I wasn't ready for; and caused me to start self harming.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, on the lower end of dissociation you stare - on the higher ends it can be much more dramatic. So if a therapist digs too deep they may bring out a deeper (or higher on the dissociative scale) reaction.

This would be bad. Keep away from these types of therapists. I would even ask about how they judge your 'window of tolerance'. If they stare at you with mouth agape, (unless they are surprised you are aware of this term) then they aren't the therapist for you.

 

[Cool Cat]

@shimmerz staring into space is generally what happens to me. Sometimes I stop being able to speak, although that might be anxiety? What are deeper reactions? Does everyone have a window of tolerance or is it only relevant to trauma people?

Yeah I'm always a little bit unsure as to whether to tell my T that I research trauma, psychology and stuff we talk about on a fairly regular basis.

 

[Karen12]

I needed so badly to connect with someone and to be listened to that that overrode my fear. It wasn't courage so much as need, I guess. It's very hard. Keep communicating with your therapist about how you're reacting to the therapy, Cool Cat. The therapist should listen and adjust accordingly.

 

[Suzetig]

@coolcat deeper reactions may be that you dissociate to the point where you lose time, feel yourself differently in the physical space you are in or detach emotionally from the situation. For example, if I go too fast I can't stay present, so I continue the conversation but have no idea what we talked about, the room we're in might look different to me (smaller/larger) or I might feel like I'm outside of my own body watching the conversation. The danger of being in a dissociated state is that you're not fully in control of yourself so driving home might be dangerous or you might revert to less helpful coping mechanisms that you wouldn't draw on if you were fully present.

The other reason for therapists watching for dissociation is that there needs to be some level of connection or contact between you both for therapy to be effective. If you can't stay present and engaged in the conversation, you can't take in what's being said between you and process the thoughts and feelings properly. A good therapist will work at your pace and will help you slow down if need be. This is one process where slow and steady is a good thing.

 

[Cool Cat]

@Suzetig Yeah about a week ago a few days after a session I was so disconnected that I very nearly got hit by a van.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and start letting things out.

 

[shimmerz]

Sometimes I stop being able to speak, although that might be anxiety? What are deeper reactions? Does everyone have a window of tolerance or is it only relevant to trauma people?

I would say your being mute is a deeper form of dissociation. Losing control of your muscles (not being able to move or moving 'sloppily'. Anything that shows your regular control over your body and senses I would say is a sign you are dissociative. The more areas affected, the deeper the dissociation, from my experience. I used to play wii if I caught myself dissociating lightly - to get back into my body. It worked well. Not too strenuous but got my body and mind working together.

@Suzetig gives other good examples of deeper dissociation. I don't feel myself go out of my body (I go inwards because at the age of my trauma I had no perception of my body yet) so everyone is different.

Everyone has a window of tolerance (some call it 'pushing people's buttons) but people who are traumatized rely on the signs of this in order to push through therapy sessions, without pushing too much so as to walk in front of vans ;-) (look at bubble-zing thread for ways people gauge this for themselves). A good therapist imho is one who can see where your window of tolerance is and doesn't flirt with pushing too hard. It is a form of art imho. I see my T-doc watching me like a hawk when we talk to see signs of it.

Almost getting hit by a van after a session means, to me, that you need to let your therapist know that he is pushing too hard. Where you not aware when this happened or did you bolt in front of it? Let the therapist know what your experiences are after the sessions and if they don't adjust then it will be up to you to find a different therapist or learn how to train them to watch for your window of tolerance better. We don't want any funerals around here.

Yeah I'm always a little bit unsure as to whether to tell my T that I research trauma, psychology and stuff we talk about on a fairly regular basis.

I trained T-doc that this was who I was, I research. I am an invested partner in my healing. He used to balk but now (years later) giving me credit for it. Try if you can to put on a thicker skin with this one. He is not the one that wakes up in your skin every day. Follow your inner voice and do what seems right to you (as long as you aren't hurting yourself), whether anyone agrees or not.

Sorry for the late response. I hope this is helpful to you.

 

[shimmerz]

Which is why I open up to close friends and family just a little more each time because the more I talk about it, the more I feel relieved and less likely to go back to that dark place.

I am so sorry @survivornotavictim91 I didn't see this posting until now. You make a really good point about it festering. It sounds to me like you have an inner voice that lets you know your window of tolerance intuitively. Just enough each time to 'let it out'. How do you know how much you can say each time do you know?

 

[watundah]

I really appreciate this threat because my T and I just had a big discussion re: dissociation and about how it is my biggest speedbump in recovery. I can talk about things that happened to me, but as soon as she asks me about emotions or feelings, I shut down. I have wondered in the past why I would mention something that happened to me and she would have nothing to little to say about it, while in my mind I felt it was a big red flag that needed attention. Now I understand that she is keeping the pace slow. We need to find a way to deal w the dissociation. I think we are on the same page now that this needs to be the primary focus. We've done body work, centering exercises, etc. It is taking a verryyy long time, even to get to this point.