Thank you. It's kind of nice to know you're not alone even with things that seem to be on the extreme side.I truly relate to every single thing you wrote here ^ It’s almost freaky.
For my part, it turns out I basically lost my ability to function adequately in the workplace, and my symptoms were really going haywire, so I ended up retiring “early”. I have been engulfed in shame and depression ever since. I have a tiny handful of ppl I interact with one-on-one whom I’ve been able to share some of my stuff with, but honestly, I’m mostly buttoned-up. (Had a really jarring therapy saga in that retirement timeframe, too, so I’m a bit therapy-averse for the time being.) Most ppl don’t know what I’m dealing with (and therefore end up assuming the worst about me because, despite my best efforts, I tend come across as...abnormal, in certain ways—and ppl do notice...). I’m so tired of feeling judged and ridiculed... And yeah, I feel lots of fear, too [wow, it sure does feel weird to be so vulnerable]
Anyway, I won’t blather on anymore about myself, but I wanted to paint a bit of an image for you, just to reiterate that I hope you’ll not feel too alone in this. It’s a hellish quagmire, indeed
Thanks for the kind words, and the links. I will check them out.So pleased you've written about it here, must be so hard to do I'm sure I relate to quite a bit of what you say too. Welcome to the forum, I hope you'll be able to write about everything here.
I think you might find Pete Walker's site really helpful, here's his page on the inner critic. Check out his pages on emotional flashbacks too.
Also, an exercise you may find very useful when your emotions get too much is the dropping anchor exercises based on Acceptance and Commitment therapy. You can listen to them free here