Where Is God In Trauma?

[Jacnic]

Dear all,

I know that talking about religion can be a dangerous topic, and I hope that members on the forum will not take this the wrong way and turn this into a heated anti-God and religion mud fight. But, I really would like to hear about other people's experiences, because I struggle with this one....

Going through a traumatic event is hard enough as it is, but so much worse for a child who through it also loses the support and/or ability to rely upon the adults who would otherwise provide stability and understanding of what is happening. But what happens if the child also loses their only other anchor – their trust in God?

I was brought up in a family with a strong Christian faith; God was our loving heavenly Father, who always knew what was best and would always care for us (i.e. the good shepherd that cares for the sheep). In the midst of all the darkness, pain and unpredictability of crisis, when my parents were themselves drowning in our particular traumatic situation, I was hurting and isolated. Mum and Dad were not available for me, and I could not find God – he was absent. I think this actually hurt far more than anything else. He was my final line of support, but he let me down. I think that was when I shut down emotionally on everything that was happening.

At the time (aged about 10/12) I remember rationalizing it by deciding that there must be more important things going on – more important than my needs. But the implication of this is that I felt that I was not important enough for God to love or care for me! I could not handle this – it was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
I buried it down very deep. My world had completely shattered.

Funnily enough, so many years on, I am still a believer and my spirituality is very important to me...... But if I go deep I wonder if God is really there.

What have others experienced?

Jac

 

[nimkekaa]

rationalizing it by deciding that there must be more important things going on – more important than my needs

I am not a traditional religious person. I have a spiritual belief that I follow. But I have heard people say that God never leaves you if you want him there but sometimes you just need to trust that he sees the bigger picture and has a plan for you.

I have questioned where God (whom I actually refer to as the Creator) was when I was being hurt. I look at it from the viewpoint that my abusers did not allow the Creator to influence their actions. They choose to hurt people instead of love. I believe we all have the gift of choice so the Creator isn't pulling strings from somewhere so it's not like the Creator who feed me to my abusers. But he was there in other ways to help me through things. I had a neighbour who didn't have any grandchildren who spend hours with me. Not a normal neighbour relationship but a gift from the Creator.

When I look at all the abuse that I went through and I can see how it helped me greatly understand and be able to help many foster children that came through my house. I had children that self harmed and was able to understand them with a unique perspective. I was told many times that I have a gift. (a gift given to me from the Creator from the horror that I experienced)

I don't know if this is the feedback you were hoping for but I understand your quest for understanding a higher power. At one point in my life I went to many different churches and religious organizations to try and see which one felt right for me. I went to a Baptist church, Catholic and even a Buddhist temple. I believe that all religions have similarities. Most believe in peace, do unto others as you would have them do unto you and similar beliefs.

I hope you find some peace with your spirituality. I worked hard to find what fits with me and it has been a great comfort.

 

[Tinyflame]

I grew up with positive, practical thoughts that God was lov(ing). I had total trust. I too felt lost, abandoned. Because God can't do anything wrong, I figured the fault was with me. Still do, at some level. Wondered what I had done 'so' wrong. Thought God just didn't want to have anything to do with me.

I just realized wednesday, however, for example, that hearing "God always has His eyes on us" (meaning we're never alone, or abandoned), has always made me feel badly, for some unknown reason. But the reason is, so many stand by and watch abuse, neglect etc. Just old things (for myself) getting in the way and distorting what should not have that connotation. So I have a lot to learn or try to work on. Similarly, oddly enough, I don't recall the Good Shepherd and such as a kid, but now, my heart or self or beliefs or understandings now are more childlike than then. Not sure how to explain it. Or- I don't know. But it makes me feel better.

Hugs to you Jac, if that's ok, nimkekaa said it well. (A hug for you too, nimkekaa, thanks :hug: ).

Maybe God was there, but too close to see.

Just my 2 cent thoughts.

 

[Grace511]

As a Catholic I believe with my whole heart God is right there with us. Through the good and the bad. I believe His only Son suffered and died for us. In doing so, He not only took on the sins of the world but also took on all the joys, sadness, pain, etc. that go along with sin.

Only one word can describe how much God loves you and the entire human race and that is Jesus. He loves us so much and wants us to be with Him so badly that He sent His only Son to die for us.

God is always with you and will never abandon you. "Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6)."

I am often reminded of this when I feel the wind on my face.....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I didn't find my faith until later in life...about age 30 or so. Thus, questions like this spin my head. I guess it's just something I don't want to contemplate as in "where was he when I was being traumatized?" I believe that God gave us free will. As a part of free will, people do bad things. And one of those bad things happened to me.

I prefer for my spiritual musings to be present-centered. I can debate the God issue regarding my trauma, but it doesn't bring me healing or comfort.

My spirituality has been one of the things that has helped my healing the most. I can deal with a lot of crap from people, but when someone feels that they can come in between my relationship with god, that's where I draw the line. (This was the final straw in my relationship with my mom.)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I too feel the only thing my 'own' is what is in my heart, SoL.

Was thinking Jac, when my own father died, was slightly older by then than the age you mentioned, he told me one piece of advice and asked me to make one promise. I was already aware of the advice and said so. Thought we would get on to say something that mattered, considering that might be the last time we spoke (it pretty much was). It did not, however, cross his mind to tell me "I love you". I said it, knowing he was dying. He said "I love you too", but just kind of brushing it off. Didn't have me convinced, almost like a bother or incidental, words said but no meaning, no emotion, just because I said it, not true.

I think that moment shortly dove-tailed with what I figured God must (not) feel, and was evidenced how He 'wasn't there'. To this day, I don't have a clue what my father 'would' think of me. Especially having no interactions as an adult. And most certainly I have never been able to imagine 'God' as a 'Father because my own father didn't seem to have such a feeling either. So I think this stuff (at least my stuff), complicates matters, or intertwines, why I have some of the feelings or thoughts I do, as regards 'God' as well. I've never told a man "I love you", hard to say it to God in those words, either.

 

[Barberian]

Atheists may not want to read this.

He is there with you, always if you want him to be. He gave mankind freewill. If he directly interferes by stopping a bad person from doing bad things, he would be taking away their freewill, something he promised us he would never do. The Lord is not a personal Genie, but he will help us through the bad times. Sometimes we may die from bad peoples actions, but not all is lost if we keep faith in the Lord. We just simply transition from a fleshy being to a spiritual one.

I understand he is a loving God. I understand that humanity is full of evil, I'd hate to see how bad life could have gotten if he had abandoned any of us in our times of need.

No matter what I go through, what I gain/lose including all my belongings and even life I will not forsake him.

 

[rainy_daze]

It will sound strange but I was allowed to choose if I wanted to follow religion when I was about seven or eight. I can't remember if I was asked or if I asked my mum; I know I was taught a lot of religion at primary school. My family are not religious.

As a child, I desperately needed God. I needed someone to pray to. I remember a lot of looking out my window at the stars, thinking they were looking out for me. I wished a lot on them. I remember praying aloud and in my head, and praying so hard, over and over, but no one ever came to save me. I carried on praying, for years, but the guilt, the shame, the pain, what was happening, it all remained the same, until my friend was killed and I decided God or any god didn't exist. How could God exist when I begged him to save her? God had always looked after those I cared about, those were always the prayers that were answered, even if no one had ever rescued me. It is one thing not to save me, but it is another not to look after the people that I care about.

I have my own view on the afterlife that I have created, and that is all I need. If someone asks me what religion I am now, I say "I believe in God, but I believe in the theory of evolution as well". This got me into an argument a while ago that resulted in someone telling me my "relationship with God is wrong", which led me to conclude that anyone who judges me for my beliefs is somewhat missing the points that most religions are teaching.

I think any kind of trauma can shake you to your very core. It can make you question everything. I think I have experienced something similar in a way to you, jacnic, except I was never raised to believe in religion, it somehow became my coping mechanism until it wasn't a useful belief system anymore. Now my belief system means I don't worry that I won't see all those I have lost again and I feel comfort that they are safe, but I no longer spend my time praying because it won't get me the things that I want.

I am still a believer and my spirituality is very important to me...... But if I go deep I wonder if God is really there.

Doesn't everyone who believes something at one point begin to question their faith? If it is important to you, your spirituality won't go anywhere. My spirituality never really left me, but I needed to adapt it in order for it to make sense to me, and come up with my own moral values.

 

[rightkindofme]

My mother grew up Mennonite but converted to Catholicism when she married my father. During my childhood I attended a Seventh Day Adventist church.

If God was there hanging out with me kind of patting me on the head saying, "wow that sucks" while I was raped over and over as a child... I really don't see the value in that. I don't have any faith left. My children are learning Christian mythology the same as Greek or Norse or Egyptian. They are all just stories humans have made up to try and make themselves feel better.

I tell my kids that people pick which religion to follow based on which moral code they kind of like the most. Given the lack of evidence of anything becoming fanatically devoted or killing people over religion is irrational and evil. If you grow up to believe--fine. Your belief should only be about you.

My life improved dramatically when I stopped believing in God and I stopped believing I was supposed to suffer in service of some stupid plan. If that is the plan for me I don't want it.

 

[The Albatross]

I had a real struggle with finding God in the struggle for sobriety and in my traumas. I read a lot. I could grasp the idea that I could be more than the sum of my parts with a higher power than on my own. I could understand that willpower fails and depletes but that faith can abide. I was able to refocus my life with faith and faith based principles and work on refining my own character. I can't know what will happen after death, but I do know that in my present, my life is better with God in it.

 

[sol1107]

I felt abandoned when I went through my trauma, but it was just a fleeting thought, as I don't really remember much after it happened, and I had already dove into alcohol before giving it a second thought. I turned my back on Him because I felt that no God would make me go through the things I did, or the things my (soon to be ex) wife had to go through. We spent our entire marriage without religion entirely.

A couple of weeks ago we had a talk about church and how our sons were getting curious. I was against it completely. We decided to let them figure it out for themselves when they get older because we both had it forced on us when we were younger and we learned to resent it, her especially. The day after we had our conversation, I was feeling unusually low. I thought to myself, "This world won't suffer without me, so it doesn't matter if I live or die anymore". It wasn't a suicidal thought, it was more like a grim realization.

It was that exact moment where I felt an enormous pressure lifted off of me. It was a feeling as if everything was going to be okay. It was the same feeling I get when I'm laying next to my wife watching whatever TV show is our flavor of the month. Everything goes away, and it's just the moment that matters.

I certainly wish He hadn't taken His time getting back to me, because I'm still terrified of losing my wife over my suffering, but I know it was Him talking to me, comforting me. I know I'll suffer less now.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Stavi, I am glad. That is something. I undertand that feeling.

In a different way, I too feel as though the suffering will be diffferent, not because for me it will necessarily be less, but I'm not sure, perhaps God will hold me through it?

Just to be clear, I don't think I have suffered because I have a belief in God or a Higher Power, I think everyone experiences suffering. Like you have said, very few things can bring me that internal certitude that things are well, let alone will be well (especially despite circumstances to the contrary during it. Often my doubt doesn't come from a lack of belief as a difficulty imagining 'why' God would want or choose to be there, now.) Those are great moments of comfort for me also.