General Who Do You Turn To And For What Kind Of Support? How Do You Do It?

[anonymous]

Hi,

I was wondering who you turn to for getting support for yourself and what type of support do you ask from the people you turn to?

Just to give an example:

If you support someone with PTSD who has trouble with compassion, empathy, showing he cares for you, and you have hurt your knee and may need surgery but don't want your partner to worry (as much as he would), but you would still like someone to know and care about you actively which your partner may not be capable of, where would you go for support? What would you ask for and how would you ask for it? And finally, does then getting what you asked for from a person actually make you feel better and does it really give you what you need? Can another person's compassion and care be a true replacement for what your partner can not give you?

I'd really appreciate honest replies from those who have made experiences as supporters with issues such as this.

Thanks so much!

 

[kahlan]

Personally I am lucky that my aunt a cousin and a close friend have experience with either ptsd or mental health in general(cousin has ptsd, aunt is his mom, and friend is a social worker). Speaking from a supporters view, we need strong support too so we dont fall down and stop caring for ourselves.

I would still let my N know that something is wrong but in a way that lets him know that its in the realm of things I can handle while utilizing my support system. It cuts down on his worrying and odds are he's going to notice somethings not right and probably worry more if I don't at least give the cliffnotes version.

Having support for yourself isn't a bad thing as long as boundaries don't get crossed.

 

[nomedic1]

Nobody.......

 

[stephanie44]

I turn to my mom, my therapist, my doctor, two friends that have PTSD, a few other friends, and my pastor. I usually just need someone to listen and offer encouragement and it helps me when I can offer the same to some of them.

 

[anonymous]

Just saying: This is a question for supporters, not sufferers (if they're not supporters as well). Thanks.

 

[ashdawn8287]

My mom and sister has ptsd. I dealt with it my whole childhood. I have it now (I think I have cured myself from it because I have worked hard). The biggest importance is learning how to take care of yourself emotionally. Relaxation. And to remind yourself that your partners emotions from the past are not your responsibility. Keep being you. Let them handle there own issues. Yes offer a supportive hand but do not waste your time trying to fix it because you can't. Only the sufferer has the power to do that.

I find self care crucial. It helps you find clarity, peace, stillness. You feel more in control of it all and rely less on others.

I think maybe a therapist would be a good support. They would understand, educate you, and help you take care of yourself.

A lot of people are misinformed about ptsd so I think its important for you to get support with someone who has experience.

 

[amethist]

I am a supporter and I turn to my 2 daughters, my friend, the girls I work with in the carers office and also my husbands CPN, {Community Psychiatric Nurse}.

All of the above as and when I need the support myself. His CPN being the best as he understands it from both sides.

 

[Nicolette]

Don't really have a lot; I talk to people here when frustrated about needing support and getting little. I must admit that over time I may get more at the time of the 'event' but often deal with him falling over afterwards.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I have friends and family who can offer me support in their own ways, but they cannot replace the type of support you would get from a loving partner.

My vet works very hard on this. He can support me and help me if I need help, but it is hard for him sometimes. Like Nicolette said, there are times he will work himself up into a bad spot afterwards. Sometimes he takes things as a reflection on him and how they will effect his world before he thinks about me. We've had to talk about this, and now he is aware and working on it.

I've had to learn to let him in. He gets upset if I hold things back from him. He thinks I'm placating him or treating him like a child or invalid. As much as I'd like to keep stressful things from him, it makes him upset if he thinks I'm hiding things.

Of course this is all very individual to my sufferer and where he is in his treatment and management of his symptoms.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you very much, everone.

It cuts down on his worrying and odds are he's going to notice somethings not right and probably worry more if I don't at least give the cliffnotes version.

Yes, this has proven to be helpful. I find this easy when it comes to my (or others') physical issues or lesser emotional issues. However, I find it hard when it's about the death or severe illness of a loved one. I can give the cliffnotes version, am stuck though with the whole story and need to go somewhere with my own emotional response.

Keep being you. Let them handle there own issues.

I really think this is very important. I find it hard sometimes though.

I turn to my 2 daughters, my friend, the girls I work with in the carers office and also my husbands CPN,

How do you do it? Do you actually literally ask for a hug? Do you talk to the CPN and they give you advice? Or do they rather help you with compassion and that true understanding that can be expressed by just listening and being there? If you don't mind me asking.


I find it good to have a therapist, and very helpful. In my country, we have to have a break of at least two years after having completed a long-term therapy (roughly three years with an average of one session per week).

 

[LizardViolet]

How do you ask for support? You ask. It's OK to ask for exactly what you need.

There's a terrific blog called Captain Awkward that talks about this sort of thing a lot.

You can ask a friend or loved one for a hug.

You can say, I need to vent but I'm not looking for advice.

You can say, I am in this situation and I want your suggestions.

You can ask someone to take you to a doctor's appointment, you can ask for someone to lend you a book, you can ask for WHATEVER you want.

It is the other person's choice whether to give you what you are asking for, but one of the qualities of a good friend is that they pay attention when you say that you're not looking for advice, and they keep their opinions to themselves and just listen. Likewise that they show up on time to take you to your appointment and don't just drop you off and abandon you.

The more specific you are in asking, the easier it is for your friends and loved ones to give it to you.

You can also be very specific about your boundaries. If you don't want someone to touch you, tell them not to. If you prefer email rather than phone calls, say so.

You have a right to be here (wherever here is -- how about "on the Earth") and you have a right to ask for what you need and set limits on what you are asked to give.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks, LizardViolet. Your post is spot-on. I have only two people I can ask and who will give me what I actually ask for as opposed to all those things I do not ask for like a lecture. :sour: I guess I should stick with those two.