So my mother recently took my two sister to see my therapist, and it infuriates me to no end. I don't know why, it's not jealousy. I get jealous of his other clients and it is not the same feeling I get in regards to this. To me this seems like a bad idea and I'm not sure why. When she texted me saying she took one of them to him it triggered my anger so badly I had to leave the house for a while so I didn't break anything...so, what do you think? Am I overreacting or is there some truth as to why it bothers me so much?
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Whole family sharing the same therapist
- Post starter Wyska
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UnicornSightings
Platinum Member
Omfg it would really bother me as well! I had a conversation with my T about her hypothetically seeing my mother at the same time. I think I somehow brought it up and ended up getting really pissed at her for nothing lol. But my rationale was that I wanted my therapist to be on my side. Period. And I didn't want her to hear anything bad about me or wonder who she believed or didn't believe. The conversation ended with her obliging to said hypothetical situation lol!
I think it's definitely something to talk to your T about. Maybe he can help you uncover why you are so upset and maybe he can alleviate your concerns. I wish you luck.
B
BipolarWhispers
Sounds like a conflict of interest to me.
Did your therapist talk to you about this before your siblings had a session with him? You should not be finding out that this happened in a text message from your mother. If he did not, that's an ethics violation.
Either way, I do not think that you're overreacting. Personally, I think there can be reasons that a therapist would be willing to see members of the same family but it is a bad idea most of the time.
Either way, I do not think that you're overreacting. Personally, I think there can be reasons that a therapist would be willing to see members of the same family but it is a bad idea most of the time.
A
Abigail7
I agree that it's unethical and will likely create conflicts of interest. If this therapist refuses to let your sisters go, I think you should move on and find a new therapist. From this day forward, as long as he is seeing you and your siblings, you will constantly second guess who's side he's on, if the guidance he gives is in your best interest or your siblings, and if he accidentally let something private about you slip in his sessions with them. It's infuriating that your mother would cross such a boundary, but unacceptable for a therapist to accept this situation. You were there first, you are the priority. Your therapist can let your sisters go.
ladee
VIP Member
I would be upset !!! Let's just hope your T is professional, and uses this as a time to refer your sisters to someone else... but by all means,bring this up !!! If my sisters would be talking to my T, I would feel I didn't have a beggars chance in hell of having a safe place after that... so I understand what you are feeling... hope you get to have a voice about this.
desiderata310
VIP Member
When my son needed to see a therapist I spoke to mine about who he could see. He was actually very clear with me: he could NOT see my son. It would be a conflict and he wouldn't do it. That was fine by me because I would have been terribly uncomfortable with it. I just wanted someone that he felt was good. There was a brief time where he was possibly going to do EMDR with my son but that was because he was the only one in the group who does EMDR and he only CONSIDERED it after a long conversation with me. They wound up not following through.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
No. Totally unacceptable.
In my opinion, it's possible that it can work. If your the first client, you should get a vote. If your T thinks that they can do it, then that's the other vote. But you both have the option to veto it, because your being first client makes you the priority.
If you don't feel comfortable, then you need to tell your T. I think you have to have absolute trust in your T to give the ok.
A huge positive, is that it can help the T understand all the different perspectives and experiences and work towards healing the family as a whole. It takes a really great T that you have a lot of faith and trust in to be able to do this, but I believe it's possible and worth it with the right T.
If you don't feel comfortable, then you need to tell your T. I think you have to have absolute trust in your T to give the ok.
A huge positive, is that it can help the T understand all the different perspectives and experiences and work towards healing the family as a whole. It takes a really great T that you have a lot of faith and trust in to be able to do this, but I believe it's possible and worth it with the right T.
Friday
Sponsor
It's really common for parents to bring all their kids to the same therapist, at least initially, and some therapists even specialize in "family therapy". Like couples therapy, but with whole families. Or parts of families / groupings.
It's also really common for therapists to refer siblings & parents to other therapists.
That said, do I think you're overreacting? Not exactly. By definition if you're triggered you're overreacting. But just because something is an overreaction doesn't mean it's wrong, or come from a valid place. Like if I'm triggered by house fires? That doesn't mean that my hosing down the kitchen with the fire extinguisher is the wrong thing to do. I may be overreacting action-wise (if it was just a paper towel in the sink, I could have just turned on the tap, instead of white foam everywhere), or it may be the exact right thing to do (if it was a grease fire that slid into the air vent), regardless of my mental/emotional state.
So you've got some moving pieces there. And it's not quite as black and white.
What does your therapist have to say?
It's also really common for therapists to refer siblings & parents to other therapists.
That said, do I think you're overreacting? Not exactly. By definition if you're triggered you're overreacting. But just because something is an overreaction doesn't mean it's wrong, or come from a valid place. Like if I'm triggered by house fires? That doesn't mean that my hosing down the kitchen with the fire extinguisher is the wrong thing to do. I may be overreacting action-wise (if it was just a paper towel in the sink, I could have just turned on the tap, instead of white foam everywhere), or it may be the exact right thing to do (if it was a grease fire that slid into the air vent), regardless of my mental/emotional state.
So you've got some moving pieces there. And it's not quite as black and white.
What does your therapist have to say?
- Post starter
- #11
Ultimately he said he will not see them if it makes me uncomfortable, but I've yet to say it because I feel guilty. The other therapists in the clinic are really boring and dull, and he seems to be the only 'good' one. I know my mom would be too lazy to find a completely different clinic to send them to, so I'm not sure what to do...why do you think it is unethical? He isn't allowed to tell them anything and vise versa.
barefoot
Diamond Member
For me, I think I would have two issues with this.
The first is that, if I knew my siblings were seeing my therapist in my therapy room, it would feel like it's not really "my space". That would be regardless of whether I had started seeing the therapist first or whether I was the late comer. My partner used to see her therapist in the same building as mine. And a therapist friend of mine also worked in the building - for several months, her room was next to the room I had my sessions in and we would often bump into each other on the stairs before or after my session. I actually found both those things really challenging. Even though my partner saw a different therapist to me in a different room on a different floor on a different day, it somehow felt that somehow it wasn't "my space" anymore. I actually asked her in the end that if she and her therapist ever had to swap rooms temporarily and she ended up in my room, could she please not tell me as that would freak me out!
Second thing - I would see this as a conflict of interest from the therapist as you are not doing family therapy together. A therapist needs to be on a client's side, must remain objective, should not have their own agenda and has to stay out of judgement. I think that's an incredibly difficult thing to manage and keep "clean" when you're dealing with related people and hearing all sides of things and different perspectives on the same situations/people.
I'm not a therapist but I work on personal development stuff with clients and I wouldn't do individual work with individuals who are related, partners or possibly even who are very good friends. One client coming up in discussion during a session with another client just doesn't work. And you can't really listen to something objectively and with total, clean, open curiosity if you've already heard about it from someone else. It's just potentially really messy and very it's hard for the practitioner to totally be in best service to each client all the time if clients are in close relationships with each other.
So, for me, it would be an ethical no-no.
I do think it's worth a conversation with your therapist. He has said he won't see them you are uncomfortable with it so I would encourage you to be honest with him and explain that you're not comfortable with it. And to then also let him know that you feel some guilt about that and let him work through that with you.
The first is that, if I knew my siblings were seeing my therapist in my therapy room, it would feel like it's not really "my space". That would be regardless of whether I had started seeing the therapist first or whether I was the late comer. My partner used to see her therapist in the same building as mine. And a therapist friend of mine also worked in the building - for several months, her room was next to the room I had my sessions in and we would often bump into each other on the stairs before or after my session. I actually found both those things really challenging. Even though my partner saw a different therapist to me in a different room on a different floor on a different day, it somehow felt that somehow it wasn't "my space" anymore. I actually asked her in the end that if she and her therapist ever had to swap rooms temporarily and she ended up in my room, could she please not tell me as that would freak me out!
Second thing - I would see this as a conflict of interest from the therapist as you are not doing family therapy together. A therapist needs to be on a client's side, must remain objective, should not have their own agenda and has to stay out of judgement. I think that's an incredibly difficult thing to manage and keep "clean" when you're dealing with related people and hearing all sides of things and different perspectives on the same situations/people.
I'm not a therapist but I work on personal development stuff with clients and I wouldn't do individual work with individuals who are related, partners or possibly even who are very good friends. One client coming up in discussion during a session with another client just doesn't work. And you can't really listen to something objectively and with total, clean, open curiosity if you've already heard about it from someone else. It's just potentially really messy and very it's hard for the practitioner to totally be in best service to each client all the time if clients are in close relationships with each other.
So, for me, it would be an ethical no-no.
I do think it's worth a conversation with your therapist. He has said he won't see them you are uncomfortable with it so I would encourage you to be honest with him and explain that you're not comfortable with it. And to then also let him know that you feel some guilt about that and let him work through that with you.
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