Relationship Why am i being punished when i'm the one whose feelings are hurt?

[anon1234]

Why be mad at me for feeling hurt?

I suggest that you might have touched a raw nerve, without realizing it...

 

[NaeNae75]

@Friday How I understood it OP and partner discussed the matter and OP, being reasonab...

Yeah, I pretty much took it this way too. That the point trying to be made isn't "blame" or wanting to change her mind regarding her doing what she wants for her birthday, but wanting acknowledgement for the OP's feelings too.
Like, the OP didn't want her to cancel her plans, but was looking to be allowed to be hurt by it. I think the OP is just wondering why expressing their feelings caused such a big uproar.

I totally get it. We have this happen a lot too. Basically it often feels like I am only allowed to share my opinion when it's happy and stroaking my S/Os ego or something. If I express displeasure about a situation, even if I don't blame him, or I'm not angry, but hurt.... he goes AWOL.

We just had something similar happen tonight.

All I can say is that for my SO, it takes a lot for him not to feel guilty about everything anyway. That his default seems to be guilt as it is. So he's super sensitive to anything he deems as critical, even when I'm not being critical.

It sucks, and I too am left feeling like I'm not allowed to have any feelings, or at least not share them. I don't know the answer, I wish I did right now because maybe I too wouldn't be dealing with the latest shut out.

But the one thing I do know is that this isn't a normal relationship, and I forget that sometimes. When you ask why other people can do x,y,or z but you can't even have a gentle conversation about your feelings. .. That's the answer, because your relationship is different than theirs. It isn't fair sometimes , maybe not even most of the time - but it is what it is.

I wish I had am answer that could fix it, but I'm 8 years into my relationship and even when things are going good, some crazy monkey wrench gets thrown in and it's two steps back.

So I guess all I can say is , I have no clue, but I do understand what you're gong through. Sorry it sucks. .. sorry for ALL of us.

 

[Buttercup]

Yeah, I pretty much took it this way too. That the point trying to be made isn't "blame" or wanting to...

Nailed it for me here, NaeNae . And yes, totally sucks! I get the same treatment all the time. Can't express unless it's positive, fun and ego strokes. What to do???