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Why can i finally cry?

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FauxLiz

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I am meeting tomorrow morning with the Dr. that has been my therapist, lifeline, support, sounding block and at times my reason for living for the past four years. He has treated me better then my FOO, he has treated me better really than any friend I have had, established and held boundaries far better than upper management at my last employer and has treated me, honored me, respected me he taught me that I have value, that I deserve more than discards and I don't know how to explain this feeling. Every time I think that this may be the last time I see him for therapy (I am still trying to see if there is something I can do to change things) my eyes start to well up, my breath catches I keep stopping myself because if I am going to finally break down and cry I want it to be in his presence. And the time has come, less than 12 hours and I am lost. I know that there is not anything anyone can do but I guess I am just here for support as I lose the one man I trust in my life. :(:(:dpressed:
 
@hithere and @Freida thanks for the support. I think the worst part of the session was hearing the words from him "I think this should be our last session". He had good points, I would not connect with my new T as long as I was still connected to him. And he was right, I have spent the last month trying to figure out a way that we could continue to work together. I found a HIPPA compliant video chatting app, I knew that I would have to come back to the area every 3 months for an appointment with another health specialist that works at the University, I even researched what it would take to have him become an in network provider for my new insurance.

So the session was tearful, it was honest I even admitted to slipping the holiday card with gift card for his favorite donut bakery on to this desk last Christmas. That was the perfect thing to do because we were able to end on an upbeat story laughing (he had no idea who had done it and had actually accused his staff of keeping it a secret because he couldn't figure out how it would end up on his desk, not in the mail and be from someone that didn't work there). I don't remember why but he stepped out of the office during a session the week before Christmas and I quick put it on there and sat back down.

I still get teary eyed thinking about the time we spent and the work that we did but it was a good ending. Don't get me wrong if I won the lottery tonight I would return to the area and working with him but I think I can be open to the idea of working with someone new and different.
 
I'm crying just reading this. I'm glad it ended on a good note. I'm thinking of having a celebration/ceremony like graduating from this therapy-- when we graduate from school (for many people not all) it is bittersweet--a time to say goodbye to close friends and and many memories; and a time to celebrate the new horizons. It helps define the moment in that changing season. (I'm not saying goodbye to mine yet though)

Stay strong. It sounds like you had special relationship with your counselor. You are lucky.
 
@hithere and @Freida thanks again. It was a good ending and we did have a special relationship. As I told him that was the longest healthiest relationship I have ever had with anyone in my life. We both had our boundaries that the other respected. He treated me with respect, and I know he genuinely cared. He even got teary eyed during our last session, he told me that I challenged him during our 4 years together and made him a better doctor. I know that whoever I transition to as my next T it won't be the same but I know now what I deserve and what I can work toward.
 
I hope you get a good next T. I've had four since I was diagnosed because I always gravitated toward older women. Lol, but I'm getting older and they all retired in due time. Now my T is 10 years younger than me, but she's really good. I hope the same for you!
 
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