Relationship Why Did He Push Away?

[kabeh394]

Yes it is very confusing, and tiring. I did not want to give up on him but there's no use in chasing somebody who's already left.Who talks to me like I did something to him. I don't know him anymore. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in this position. I really don't know who this guy is. He is even trying to get his ex gf back who cheated on him while he was in basic. Really? I just feel stupid for everything I've done for him. Waiting on him to come home, trying to comfort him, make him feel at home. Staying up all night trying to find ways to help him out without over standing my boundaries, and have it end like this? I am just worn out.

I am at that place currently, he left me and started a new relationship. A decision his family supports which is even harder. He left our situation and never looked back, as if it, or the responsibilities that went with it. And either, he lied to his family to make it all my doing or they support his decision to screw me over (if you knew his mother, that would make sense to you)... Either way, he appears to hate me, for what seems to me a bunch of concocted theories in his head. The whole thing is so cruel and yet, I'm just a victim!

 

[AS1975]

I don't agree to this (anymore). This is an important topic in my therapy currently and I have finally arrived here: If a person shows signs of agitation (or anger or or or), the he shows those signs. What I mean is, that supporters have a right in feeling what they feel in response to that.

Certainly, it is only natural that you'll feel pain and frustration, you'll note I also stated not to be a doormat. But is anger or aggression an appropriate response, or something that will benefit the relationship? There has to be a step back by all parties, then I'd suggest working on improving communication by both parties. Anger and PTSD DO NOT MIX, it is a weakness and it is an almost automatic response from others dealing with someone to attack weaknesses, this is not such a weakness, trust me please.

 

[mrod]

I'm sure he turned the story to make it seem like I was the one who did something for him to kick me out from one day to the next. I am really shocked most of all. I can't believe I would ever be so disappointed at someone that I used to be so proud of. Everything he reached was because of me pushing him and telling him he could do it and motivating him. But completely taking me out of his life, deleting me off facebook...really? Don't worry guy, I've got much better things to do than try to make you stay. I've got so much to say to him, but I won't waste my breath on him. I won't bad talk him because I'm not like that. I know this sounds cold...he might have made it physicaly back home, but to me, he didn't make it out of Africa.

 

[Abstract]

. .he might have made it physicaly back home, but to me, he didn't make it out of Africa.

I think that is often how it feels after one has been traumatised actually.

 

[mrod]

That is what I figured. But I've done all I can and I'm not sure if his behavior has anything to do with PTSD. regardless. He's apparently moved on. I've wasted a year of my life waiting for this guy to come home so we could get a move on with our relationship but he changed his mind. I just won't be there when his new ex gf cheats on him again with the guy she originally left him for. I know that guy is still in her life and he is really insecure and jealous and even threw a fit for me talking to some of my guy friends. She flirts with a lot so good luck with that. I know that I did more for him than she ever did, little and big things. She couldn't even stay loyal for 3 months that he was away.

 

[kabeh394]

I'm sure he turned the story to make it seem like I was the one who did something for him to kick me out from one day to the next. I am really shocked most of all. I can't believe I would ever be so disappointed at someone that I used to be so proud of. Everything he reached was because of me pushing him and telling him he could do it and motivating him. But completely taking me out of his life, deleting me off facebook...really? Don't worry guy, I've got much better things to do than try to make you stay. I've got so much to say to him, but I won't waste my breath on him. I won't bad talk him because I'm not like that. I know this sounds cold...he might have made it physicaly back home, but to me, he didn't make it out of Africa.

I think we may have been in a relationship with the same person... This gives me comfort. Not that you have been taken advantage of, but that I am not alone first of all, and that this isn't you or I, we didn't do this, that victims or not, these men took something from us, whether on purpose or because they couldn't help it. There are way too many similarities here, thank you for sharing that!

 

[p-no]

Same here.

 

[mrod]

As much as it hurts, I don't ever want to be put in this position again. I don't know him and I'm not even sure if he knows who he is. I've never seen him act like that, even when he was upset at someone. He talks to me with so much frustration and what seems like pain and hatred...I've always talked to him with patience. He doesn't see that all I've ever tried to do was help. But I'm done.Well he's her problem now, good luck with that. :)

Kabeh, if you don't mind me asking, when did your situation happen?

 

[kabeh394]

February of this year, he went into the hospital, they recommended intensive in patient treatment after a 16 day stay which he denied. I went to pick him up, he was a zombie, on so much medication, he was angry and it was all aimed at me! By his third day at home, I was running out the door, he had become abusive and I don't think I will ever forget that look in his eyes, it was like his soul had been stolen! It's been difficult to move forward because this seemed so senseless, and Luke and I were so good together for such a long time, he was wonderful to me, but I am getting there, and trying to forgive. The possibility of me ever trusting somebody in that way again seems so bleak. My hope is that will pass with time!

 

[celia]

Hi Everyone,

I have not been able to post past several weeks...due to some drama I have gone through with "HIM". He has done the most unthinkable disgusting things to me. He needs to be admitted. He's actually delusional and trying to make my life hell. He has even emailed my boss at work for no reason...has made up all these untrue things and you know what? I'm absolutely done. So all you great supporter saints out there who are putting up with abuse , neglect, and downright disrespect... I hand it to you. #1, is me, and no one is worth this, no one. I was his modern day angel and I have let him think that I would take it and take it until he has crossed every boundary there is to cross and then flat out denies it and blames me and has completely betrayed me. I will never ever wait for someone who doesn't want to help themselves and denies that he is responsible for any of his tactics. I'm disgusted. Everyone has a limit and I have sacrificed me, my well being, my productivity, my health all to chase around a mirage. Its my fault that I put myself in this position and didn't respect myself enough to have given up earlier.

I wish you all much peace and happiness and hope for all of you. This life with someone who refuses to manage himself will only end in a bad nightmare. I'm moving on...and I'm not looking back. I'm now at the stage that even if he did contact me and said he was in treatment and apologized....TOO LATE! I will never trust him again.

 

[mrod]

I know...it's almost as if he felt as if it were my fault. Whatever happened to him. He started blaming me for why it wasn't going to work. And he just really doesn't want to even look at me. From one day to the next. It will get easier once you let go.

 

[mrod]

Celia, that is exactly how I feel. Everything he's done is just...wow...that's all I can say. He's put me through so much, emotionally and mentally that I am just numb and worn out. I don't even feel anything anymore just disappointment. But I can't keep dragging myself through hell for someone who doesn't give two craps about me.