Why Do I Feel This Way?

[Little Flower]

I'm feeling fairly good today but some major life changes are coming my way so my anxiety is kinda high. I keep have these "flash thoughts" (my terminology ). I can see my self doing great harm to my self. One thought may say. Shoot yourself. Then it's just gone I usually have visual. Just now I thought I'd get a nap and I could see myself setting myself on fire. Almost like I'm punishing myself for wasting time or something. Idk. It's confusing and scary. Any feedback appreciated

 

[Pencil]

I hope someone on the forum can give some sort of explanation. I had exactly the same thing right after my daughter was born. While driving I'd have this 'thought' or impulse to swerve in front of oncoming trucks. This then happened at the same spot on the road each time I was on that road. I changed routes. I had 'visions' of throwing her over the balcony, so I moved to a bungalow. My daughter was wanted and loved and these thoughts made no sense whatsoever. Thank God it disappeared after a while, but it was really frightening, and I felt that I could not trust myself.

 

[Glara]

I don't have ptsd but I do get those thoughts occasional around the time of my period, especially when I'm not taking hormones( birth control or hrt) for pencil it sounds like it was related to post partem Depression, which is all hormonal. I know how hormones make me react, and also lack of sunlight. Even people not suffering ptsd can experience these types of things.

 

[City Slicker]

I believe what you may be referring to are called 'intrusive thoughts'. Most humans have them. There are a number of 'calming' and 'grounding' techniques that are used to settle the mind and show yourself that while scary, these are only thoughts and can be worked through.

I use a lot of cognitive processing whenever this happens - while they seem to come out of the blue, when they happen I know I need to pay more attention to my own anxiety, make sure I am not HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired,) hormonal, sad, etc.

Sometimes the thoughts can come when things seem calm and when we have 'peace' for a few moments then, whack, intrusive thoughts. That is also when a lot of abuse happened in my life i.e., when things seemed calm, when I wasn't worried about anything and when there seemed to be quiet in the house. For a long time that peace, quiet and silence would initiate the intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts were my way of telling myself my anxiety was rising simply because it was quiet in the house.

If you are seeing a therapist, let your therapist know and ask for some help with grounding techniques.

 

[WillyKat]

These are known as intrusions or intrusive thoughts. They are one of the classic symptoms of PTSD, if you care to look up the DSM-5 definition.

I have them too, though less often since I went back to therapy a couple years ago. Mine are usually visual where I put a gun to my head or set off a grenade or bomb. They mostly come when I'm having a day that's worse than other days (keeping in mind that having a good day is not very common).

I think that as your healing progresses, or when you start to heal, these will decrease. But rest assured, these are a "normal" part of PTSD.

Hope that helps.

 

[ghotiff]

Would they still be considered "intrusive thoughts" if they are flashes of not self harm but flashes of being harmed by someone else?

 

[WillyKat]

I think so, yes. Here's from the official definition (DSM-5):

"
Criterion B: intrusion symptoms
The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s): (one required)

1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive memories. Note: Children older than six may express this symptom in repetitive play."

Doesn't specify what kind of memory. Note too that an intrusion isn't really all that different from a flashback, except a lot shorter.

 

[Little Flower]

Ok. I'm feel they are intrusive thoughts but not the same as my obsessive thoughts they just flash by then they're gone but I'm left thinking omg I wasn't thinking about hurting myself. What the h@ll
Very disturbing when I'm trying to function

 

[WillyKat]

Yes, they can be a pain. For many, many years I had intrusions to the point where I didn't even notice them. I didn't know any better; they seemed normal to me.

When I realized they were symptoms, I started paying attention. Then it was OMG, this crap happens all the time. Sobering.

 

[Little Flower]

I have been sort of taking a sabbatical after years if care taking sick parents I thought if I worked on healing by writing my trauma diary. That may be triggering these crazy thoughts but I was afraid I was having a reaction to lowering my meds

 

[ghotiff]

I think so, yes. Here's from the official definition (DSM-5

But a "memory" is linked to a past event but these thoughts eg the shoot yourself example, are things that have not happened.
?

 

[WillyKat]

Yeah, you're right. I guess my understanding of an intrusion isn't based on memories. I would still argue they are intrusions though.