FauxLiz
Sponsor
Okay short story, I became friends with/casually dated a guy starting in the fall of 2019. When COVID hit due to both of our jobs as essential workers and both dealing with large populations of at risk individuals we agreed not to see each other duing the lockdowns. Well, lockdowns ended and he continued to have a never ending supply of reasons for us to continue not seeing each other. By the end of 2020, I had accepted that he did not consider me as anyone other than someone that could assist him with answers to issues he was dealing with for a side project that directly relates to my job at the time. By the time spring had rolled around I had stopped calling him, texting him or sending him useful information that I came across for his project.
The thing is, and I hate this about myself is that I had feelings for him. I know that there will never be anything and I have done my best to move on. But about once a month he calls me. It is always during the workday, it is always when he is in his vehicle on the way somewhere so the conversation has a defined endpoint but I just can't get myself to stop taking his calls.
There are a lot of things that from early on pointed toward this friendship never really going anywhere: he was adamant that our friendship not be public knowledge and would only meet me in other communities or at his place in the country without any close neighbors, and he never denied that he was still very much in love with his late wife (she passed 6 years ago now). I feel that I have moved on, I have moved away from that area and have no intentions of returning other than to clear out my storage unit later this year when my life stabilizes. I don't reach out to him and though he offered me an opportunity to earn some extra money working for an organization that he supervises, I chose to cut my expenses rather than to continue to have regular contact with him. He called me today, out of the blue to see how things are going. He told me that he has heard rumors about where I am and what I am doing, which is funny as I have not tried to hide where I am, I am visiting my dad, for an extended trip as the result of a car accident while I wait on vehicle repairs.
What I don't know how to do is just shut him out. I have had to remove so many people from my life and I am tired of not having people I can talk to (my children are grown but they are my kids not my peers and don't need to be my entire support system). It hurts and I know I need to block his calls so that I don't keep letting myself get sucked in but I am tired and just feel so defeated.
The thing is, and I hate this about myself is that I had feelings for him. I know that there will never be anything and I have done my best to move on. But about once a month he calls me. It is always during the workday, it is always when he is in his vehicle on the way somewhere so the conversation has a defined endpoint but I just can't get myself to stop taking his calls.
There are a lot of things that from early on pointed toward this friendship never really going anywhere: he was adamant that our friendship not be public knowledge and would only meet me in other communities or at his place in the country without any close neighbors, and he never denied that he was still very much in love with his late wife (she passed 6 years ago now). I feel that I have moved on, I have moved away from that area and have no intentions of returning other than to clear out my storage unit later this year when my life stabilizes. I don't reach out to him and though he offered me an opportunity to earn some extra money working for an organization that he supervises, I chose to cut my expenses rather than to continue to have regular contact with him. He called me today, out of the blue to see how things are going. He told me that he has heard rumors about where I am and what I am doing, which is funny as I have not tried to hide where I am, I am visiting my dad, for an extended trip as the result of a car accident while I wait on vehicle repairs.
What I don't know how to do is just shut him out. I have had to remove so many people from my life and I am tired of not having people I can talk to (my children are grown but they are my kids not my peers and don't need to be my entire support system). It hurts and I know I need to block his calls so that I don't keep letting myself get sucked in but I am tired and just feel so defeated.