General Why do so many with combat PTSD have issues around the holidays?

[stormyweather457]

Hi, this is my first thread outside of introductions, I apologize if it's in the wrong place.

I'm a supporter of a combat PTSD sufferer. He's really, really struggling right now and the holidays are making everything 10x worse.

Veteran's day I completely understand, especially after talking to him and reading a few threads on it. But what is it about Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. that makes this time of year difficult for so many?

Anniversary triggers aside, can anyone (combat PTSD in particular but I guess anyone who has issues around the holidays could help) elaborate on why the holidays are so incredibly problematic and sometimes triggering? I just want to understand.

 

[Kubash16]

My PTSD isn’t combat related. However, my thinking is the depression portion of the PTSD is what is activated. Let’s say he has no specific triggers with holidays. Then it’s most likely the stress (have you seen the stress cup thing?) and seeing all the happy, happy, happy when you just flat out don’t feel happy. So you fake it a bit but that gets difficult and adds to the stress.

 

[Starfire]

Good question. Effects lots of people with mental health issues not just PTSD. Holidays require people to be happy, grateful, deal with lots of people usually also acting happy. Not upset anyone else with your problems, not rock the all-is-well-with-the-world boat. Also busy time. Running around with prep, planning, executing. Little time to be quiet. Self care gets lost in the chaos. Holidays are easily overwhelmed time for perfectly normal...if there is such a thing!..people. Also usually T's, doctors other regular supporters are not as available. They have lives too! Hope this helps.

 

[Sweetpea76]

On top of holiday stress, there are often times a lot of trauma anniversaries around the holidays with vets. Mine says the insurgents loved to ramp things up around our holidays.

 

[Freida]

Too much going on. Too many people, sounds, sights, smells. Way to many safety issues -- crowded noisy stores and restaurants, over enthusiastic people who want to hug and yell about what a great time of year this is, everyone racing around like chickens.

Now add worry about how I'm acting, expending WAY to much energy trying to look normal, trying not to drink to excess, family dysfunction, financial stress (a huge trigger for me) and I'm melting down

I'm not combat but I was overseas for 3 years and the holidays can be really tough. You are pretty much on your own - with just your battle buddies to keep you company. We did "orphan" parties (all the single folks got together) at Thanksgiving and Christmas which helped a bit but it can still be very, very lonely. Military people often feel forgotten by the very people they are trying to protect. My memories around the holidays from those times are really sad - even with the parties we held to try to forget.

 

[stormyweather457]

Thanks so much for the insight. I'm hoping things get better after Christmas. I've always loved this time of year, so it was difficult for me to see it from another mindset.

 

[LuckiLee]

Trauma. Trauma. Trauma. My guy received his first bronze star on Thanksgiving in Mogadishu. He spent many holidays fighting for his life and the lives of others. He often thinks about his fallen brothers during these times. Not to mention all the holidays he spent away from family. When he was serving? Christmas was never "Merry".

 

[LuckiLee]

btw. I let J decide what he's up for. I don't pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to do. (learned that the hard way) ;) My family spends days on end with each other and I have no problem if he doesn't want to be involved in all of the festivities.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I let J decide what he's up for. I don't pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to do. (learned that the hard way) ;)

Likewise here. I do my thing, and he’s free to participate or not if he wants.

 

[Friday]

Combat Vet here... But only speaking for myself.

I LOVE the holidays. :D :tup: :inlove: :sneaky:

It’s behaving I’m not totally kosher with.
And drama can f*ck right off.
And stressed out people can bite me.
And stressed out people -pretending not to be stressed out, which sets off every warning alarm that someone is lying &/or up to something that I have- make me want to bite them. Seriously. My teeth itch, and my shoulder blades won’t relax, and my everything just starts cramping. (If you don’t know what this is like, ever sat 3 feet away from “mean girls” pretending not to notice as they make fun of you? Like that. X1,000. Especially because I know “why” people are on edge, it’s harmless, so I’m also arguing with myself the whole time, trying to back my instincts down )
And being exhausted from having to behave, missing out on the stuff I actually want to do, because of minding my manners around f*cktard morons wrapped up in the bullshit drama, stress, and nonsense? Outstanding. Yep love that part. :shifty: Or, you know, not f*cking one bit.

I really do loooooooove the holidays. For true. Usually. Mostly. But I have a finite capacity for stress. Which means I usually/mostly BUILD my holidays into something **I** think is fun... and then go about other-people-things very, very warily. Sometimes other-people-things are stellar & amazing & I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, and it now becomes part of “my” holidays. Other times it’s still stellar & amazing, but I had to miss it because I was flat out wrecked from bullshit I had to deal with earlier. Sometimes other-people-things are just bullshit & drama I wish I’d taken a pass on, because now I’m going to miss out on stellar and amazing. Shrug. It’s all highly variable.

Before even adding in the variable of how I’m doing minus the holidays.

If I ‘m already doing badly, for whatever reason? It’s going to be an uphill climb. Much like it’s not impossible to have a good holiday right after your mom dies, but the entire holiday is goin to be coloured by it. And things that normally make you happy will choke you up as you miss her being there, and things that are usually easy become hard, and there may be more tears than laughter this season, and a lot of plans will be cancelled to go gentle on yourself and not make the whole thing miserable.

I can love the holidays, and they can still be hard.

 

[IceQueencop]

I am not a combat vet, but I have talked to some, and the issues can really depend on the person. Besides the overwhelmingness of the holidays, some also feel remorse and conflict about their actions overseas. There is a religious element to the war and winning it on the front lines tends to color, or maybe flatten, one’s perspective. From there it’s easy to question the meaning of things, including life.

 

[OrangeJulius]

Just wanted to bump this thread back into circulation as we approach the holidays. I know the holiday 'tude has started in in my home as veterans day closes and the rest of the holidays are imminent.