Why do you choose to stay alive?

[Gadgie]

When I’m feeling at rock bottom, and wonder if it’s worth going on. I think back to the time when my late wife was in a hospice, and saw just how desperate some folk were to keep on living, just for another day.

It was an emotional place to be, and I learned quite a lot from the time I was there, visiting my late wife.

Even though we both knew that she was terminally ill, and talked openly about it, and what to do when the time came, it was still a shock to me when she did die.

 

[Freida]

Sometimes I can't find a reason - even though I know they are out there. I just can't see them. So I make a deal with myself. If I still want to kill myself tomorrow I can, but I have to make a list of all my blessings first. Either the blessings smack me out of it or the 24 hours of waiting gives me strenght

 

[Gadgie]

With you on that one, it’s like making up a, For and Aginst list, like positive or negative lists. We all make up these lists for other choices in our lives, but not everyone does it for a, live or die sinareo?

I know that sounds btutal and blunt, but,........... life is like that, we make many choices in our lives, sometimes we make the wrong ones, .......,........and when it comes to suicide, we can’t afford to get it wrong?

So, keep adding to the For side of the page, or visit a hospice, before you decide.

 

[ninja]

I guess partly because I know a bit about what it is like to live feeling horribly suicidal and like my life doesn’t deserve space to exist. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t commit suicide and so I won’t. Now I live because I want to see what living is like without the nasty pain in the drivers seat. Even if I don’t or can’t get there I decided I was curious and wanted to give it a shot.
Sending my best and take really good care.

 

[LuckiLee]

J says he has seen what hell is like and he doesn't want to spend eternity there.

@Freida, you can't go anywhere! You're my PTSD mentor. You're one of my "needs".

Be kind to yourselves! XO

 

[scout86]

I forgot to mention "spite". There's a part of me that doesn't want to let the bastards win. :ninja:

 

[Supervixn]

No exaggeration, but-- no one in my family would or could take care of my 7 year old; nor would I ever trust them to. I hope to find other reasons by the time she's grown. So far that's all I got

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I attempted it once in my life so many years ago and scared myself so bad that I chose life, I want to live!

So it is not an option for me and since I made the commitment, my mind has not gone there again, luckily so far so good.

I have to much to hope for. I do not want to hurt my family with those kinds of wounds they would leave. I do not know what good stuff is waiting for me around the corner. Yes, I have too much to hope for and I love my family and am living for them too.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Why do I choose to stay alive? Such a weird question to me. I could tell you why I haven’t killed myself, or at least my roadblock to that but your question is throwing me for a loop.

I really don’t know. Maybe for the moments between the fear, anxiety and pain. I saw a beautiful sunset tonight. Maybe hope hasn’t completely withered in me.

Guess I’ll edit this space as I think more because I can’t fully answer the question.

Very thought provoking.

@Justmehere I'm so sorry you are going through these suicidal thoughts. It's just so taxing on the soul and I hope you can maybe get out of the loop. Sending good vibes..

 

[Freida]

@leehalf that's so sweet!!

 

[Cyberluddite]

I made a promise to someone very important to me, and still working to fulfill it; I really hate breaking my word.

Having that NDE a few years back eventually made me understand what Dave used to discuss about Buddha's teachings.

And I came across this one day... true motivation to face my storms head-on:

"You are a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space... fear nothing!:tup: "

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I love the meat-coated skeleton reference!! :)

I tried a few inadequately attempted overdoses through the years and I continually placed myself in multiple situations where death was just a moment away at the hands of others, but something has kept me around.

I feel it may have been the slowly acquired ability (luck) to finally (and now much more healthily) tap back into the awe-inspiring beauty and abundance that surrounds me each day and magical moments I missed as a kid/teen/young adult, so now I need to make up for some lost time.

Something inside me always wanted to escape, and still very much do at times, but I've always been highly allergic to pain in all forms and could never follow through, but my brain sure seemed fixated much more than I would have liked.

I'd sleep a lot instead, whenever I wasn't verbally/silently kicking my own ass on a consistent basis. It was as close as I could get to death without the commitment. When I was awake I'd work really hard at numbing my pain via alcohol, sex, street drugs, prescription drugs, food, or whatever distracted me away from myself in the moment.

Then my aunt took her own life in her early 60s. Never EVER saw that coming. I knew right then I could never make another feel the way I was feeling as I tried for years to wonder how I didn't see the pain...how no one saw it....what made her hurt so deeply.....why didn't she feel comfortable asking for help....so many things...so much pain. Such a powerful mirror to see myself in...to see us all in.

Not so sure why I stayed in all the years past, but now I stay for the love I finally feel for my own being, for a change....and eventually began to feel I'm able to healthily receive the love and help that's offered along my path...most days....and I'm afraid I might miss something, too. lol