Why Don't I Listen To Myself?

[maria]

I discovered yesterday, after the fact, that I had reacted to a situation as if it were something that had happened in the past. I felt that people who were supposed to do things for me weren't there for me. I felt angry, upset and frightened too.

The situation yesterday was just a couple of screw ups back to back. Yes, I'd been let down a little, but it has more to do with the way the world is than anyone actively trying to undercut me. But I reacted as though I were still a child and my parents were hurting me. My anger was toward them. My upset was that I literally needed them to survive, they weren't there for me. And my fear was that if I complained they'd hurt me more or abandon me.

So why don't I recognize this in the moment? Why can't I take a step back and ask myself if I'm really reacting to what's happening now? Why do all those emotions take control? How can I distinguish between the present and the past?

Maria

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi Maria,
I think you have found the solution. It just takes practice. Even "healthy" people do not always recognize what is really happening in the moment. With experience you will see that very few situations require immediate responses. Take your time if you can.
What you've written sounds like a trigger to me. We rarely see them coming. Our brains just remember an old situation,feeling or sensation-sometimes even a scent and automatically connects what it thinks is an appropriate response. I know how frustrating this can be, but please try and be patient with yourself.
There are some exellent older threads on here under the tag "Humour" that are full of stories of how all of us have ended up making fools of ourselves. Try and not be too hard on yourself and have a laugh about it if you can. "Roll with the punches" so to speak...You are doing a better job at this than you may realize.
O

 

[maria]

Hi onebravegirl,

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I'm also going to take your advice about waiting to respond. I'm gunna be the slowest responder you ever saw.

I've been so down and close to tears. My shrink confirmed the diagnosis of c-ptsd today. I'm sure that's part of it. I was sure of the diagnosis, but having him confirm it makes it even more real and seemingly insurmountable.

Then there's the afternoon meds that always make me feel sick. Yuck!

maria

 

[onebravegirl]

It takes time to find a med that suits you. I would mention to your Therapist that the meds make you ill. Don't worry, they are bound to have another type to offer!
Therapist are usually pretty sympathetic.
With hope,
O

 

[seaworthy]

"I discovered yesterday, after the fact, that I had reacted to a situation as if it were something that had happened in the past."

So glad to read your sentence. What progress that you discover your reactions. I am trying to get to this point...to have my actions
and emotions present to what is happening presently and to know the difference. You can see how the effects of the Trauma in your
reaction. You can see that the emotions from the Trauma can take over. You are at a point to make changes. I'm doing my best to get
where you are.

seaworthy