Childhood Why Is Childhood Sexual Abuse Damaging ?

[anthony]

How to uncompound?

You can't undo compounding trauma. Compounding trauma simply refers to multiple traumatic events, and they build-up upon you and eventually crush you. When that happens, all of them and even non-traumatic events, suddenly become critical issues swamping your brain. You work through the trauma, one aspect at a time, just pick one and fix it. Then move onto the next, and healing is a compounding process too, in that the more you do, the better you get at it, the faster relief comes.

 

[katz]

You can't undo compounding trauma. Compounding trauma simply refers to multiple traumatic events, and they b...

Anthony, I found your statement about how the events can "crush" you, to be interesting. Do you have any particular "things" that are "crushed"? I was hurt many times, from very young an age. I can remember running on the way home from one "incident" and actually thinking to myself "that wasn't so bad". I was actually comparing that attack to the previous ones!

I remember riding my bike past a place that I had an incident at. I just sat there on the bike and told myself that "I guess I'll be alright".

I can also remember when I quit fighting. I gave up. I just lost all arguments at home and expected to lose all the battles, with strangers or friends. Is this the "crushing" that your referring to? The crushing of the spirit, so to speak.

 

[anthony]

I can also remember when I quit fighting. I gave up. I just lost all arguments at home and expected to lose all the battles, with strangers or friends.

Yes, that is one example. Everyone is different, and there are many variations to all of this.

 

[RussH]

Do you have any particular "things"

Can I tell you specifically what was crushed? No. However I very much remember the specific time where it became too much and something in me broke. I am still broken.

 

[katz]

I am having a hard time now--many years later. I won't argue or stand up for myself. Even when I have a disagreement with my husband, I tend to just "shut down". I just keep it in. Yet, I'm screaming inside. I'm so afraid to let anything out. I would find it embarrassing to show all the stuff that is inside me. And, right now, I have no T to go to.

When I had my last partner die quickly and unexpectedly I lost it. I became so upset and out of control that they checked me into the hospital to get me under control. I'm too afraid of that happening again. The hospital feels like a prison to me and just the thought of going there again makes me start shaking.

Is it possible to fix this "broken"? I'm afraid that I will always be like this. I can't seem to get myself to stand up for myself. I don't feel like I'm taking care of or speaking out for the "child inside", the one who is broken.

Most of my emotions from my "demons" are all buried. I can't seem to get them to come to the surface. I want to get this stuff out of me. I just wish I could fix me.

 

[Brenton]

The next step in my healing journey seems to be stuck on this point.... That I don't understand the "why...

Part of it is how we learn, or are taught, to blame ourselves. And then there's the secrets, which keep us from having completely open relationships. I finally told my wife about me being molested after 12 years of marriage. I had to, I need her to know that my sadness and rage wasn't because of her. I needed to let her in or lose her. My parents still don't know and its caused a wall between us, and made any real intimacy impossible. But, I just can't tell them.
I remember being terrified that someone would find out and that they would blame me. I was too young to be that afraid and stressed out.
Sexual abuse kills your innocence and makes you grow up too fast, kills your trust, and self-worth.
Just remember, it really isn't your fault when some sick bastard takes advantage of a defenseless child.

 

[Brenton]

I am having a hard time now--many years later. I won't argue or stand up for myself. Even when I have a dis...

I also have a hard time standing up for myself. I let people walk all over me. I don't know how to say no.

 

[katz]

My abuse story is complicated (long repressed memories emerging in middle age). What happened to me sta...

When I first read your post, I was amazed by how much it mirrored my situation. Have you been able to remember much about what happened to you?

I have a pretty good idea what happened to me so many years ago, but no emotions. And, I don't "feel" my memories. I just figured them out using ideas and years of note taking. I don't remember any of them from the first person. I'm always looking down.

In a family that discourages emotion, I, too, just lived by going thru the motions.

I also have a situation that I would love to hear some feedback on. When I get one of my "feelings"..I'm not sure what it is or what caused it. I just feel very nervous and usually have to sit down. The family always thought that it was a petit mal seizure. I now know that it is not. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. Unfortunately, it didn't fix the problem. I was relieved to finally have a name for it, but I don't know how to. ... feel. Do you think that these "episodes " of mine are just memories? I don't know how to react to them? How am I supposed to react?

 

[Hope4Now]

Hi @katz
It was totally weird for me to go back to read a post I wrote almost two years ago! Yikes! I am most willing to respond to your question, but this is not actually my thread so I don't want to spin it off into my responses. Can you start a new thread and tag me in it?

Do you think that these "episodes " of mine are just memories?

No. Far more complex.

I hope I'll "see" you in a new thread.

 

[ghotiff]

@Hope4Now no need to start a new thread, you are welcome to respond here.

 

[katz]

Hi @katz
It was totally weird for me to go back to read a post I wrote almost two y...

I did start one--let me know if it went "thru". I have never started a thread before.

(Thank you for the "welcome", ghotiff.)

 

[katz]

Hi @katz
It was totally weird for me to go back to read a post I wrote almost two y...

hope4now,
I went to "start a conversation" and it won't let me. It says that your box is full.