Why is it Important to Have Someone Understand?

[upstream]

I see a lot of recurring posts, where someone who has PTSD is frusrated because someone in there life does not understand what they are going through. It seems to be worse if the person doesn't try to understand, and even worse if the person misunderstands and won't listen.

My questions are;

Why is it so important for us to have this understanding?
Why is it so painful when we don't?

 

[sisu]

Upstream,
I am a carer, so maybe I shouldn't be here replying to your question...but I am going to anyway...:smile:

In my situation it is the opposite problem. I totally understand ptsd and how it changes a persons perceptions. My ex decided a couple of months ago that he did not want to involve me in his terrible problems and that he was best to go life alone. Now he is slightly emerging from his low point and realizes that he screwed up by pushing me away. He said that he had it all and threw it away.

I have always been the type of person who accepts others for who they are faults and all. I know that I am not perfect nor do I want to date someone who is. However, I will not accept abuse (verbal or physical) or any other type of dis-respect.

Maybe my ex was odd or maybe I am odd....but our situation was apparently not the "norm".

Sisu:dontknow:

 

[moog]

The critical thing that you forgot in your post is that it's not just "someone" in their life understand what we are going through but "someone important" in our lives; whether it be family or friends. Having someone close to you, not understand your pain; in the end just causes more pain. I've seen in many times, that is why PTSD education/therapy in the military community tries to encompass the family now.



[DLMURL="http://www.vac-acc.gc.ca/clients/sub.cfm?source=mhealth/family_assist"]
[/DLMURL]

 

[cellardoor]

Maybe because we just don't want to feel alone...?

 

[linasmom]

I think people in general inherently want to be understood. It is something that all people crave. I do think that when a person has a "defect" that "we" want it just as badly as the next but because "we" aren't as easily understood, we pine for it more - we tend to over-explain or try without success to conform to the norm and then we are usually left feeling badly which then leads us to want to be understood even more. It's a cycle, like most everything else. We have to try harder, therefore we want it more.

Best,
Rachel

 

[cherryblossom]

I feel like I'm always desperately searching for someone who understands me.

Everytime I have tried to explain it to either a boyfriend (at the time) or a friend, I have never felt understood. It has resulted in the boyfriends leaving me and also in some cases, friends either disappearing completely or just becoming aquaintences.

The couple of friends who have stood by me (when I've told them I have PTSD from rape), still don't understand, they tend to concentrate on distracting me, taking me out etc, but don't ever want to talk about it.

I have had 3 people in my (real) life, who I feel have understood me. One died, another let me down big time, and we no longer have contact, and the other left me also.

The only friends who have ever understood me, are friends that I have met online, who also have PTSD from similar circumstances.

I find it really tough going on my own, and would really like to have someone in my life who understood.

I find it hard, when I confess all, but people don't understand. I feel like they look at me as though I'm crazy or something. So then I have to put on my 'happy mask', pretend that all is well, and continue my life of lies. Any type of 'mental illness' caries a stigma, be that with friends, relatives, or work, etc. You can try to educate others, but unless they have been there, or know someone who has, it seems to fall on deaf ears.

 

[upstream]

Upstream,
I am a carer, so maybe I shouldn't be here replying to your question...but I am going to anyway...:smile:

Anyone is welcome to reply to anything I write, I'm glad you shared your experiences here.

I have always been the type of person who accepts others for who they are faults and all. I know that I am not perfect nor do I want to date someone who is. However, I will not accept abuse (verbal or physical) or any other type of dis-respect.

I find that to be commendable.

 

[upstream]

I think people in general inherently want to be understood. It is something that all people crave. I do think that when a person has a "defect" that "we" want it just as badly as the next but because "we" aren't as easily understood, we pine for it more

This rang true for me.

 

[upstream]

The critical thing that you forgot in your post is that it's not just "someone" in their life understand what we are going through but "someone important" in our lives; [DLMURL="http://www.vac-acc.gc.ca/clients/sub.cfm?source=mhealth/family_assist"]
[/DLMURL]

I would agree with that. Perhaps when it's someone important, not being understood feels very un-loving.

 

[upstream]

I find it really tough going on my own, and would really like to have someone in my life who understood.

At my last place of residence I found an abuse survivor group. It was a great experience, any time anyone said something it was like we all understood and had been there. It was also a lot of fun at times.

Perhaps there are similar groups in England? It might be worth looking into...

 

[becvan]

I know for me that this question runs into all the secondary wounding I have received over the years. I was considered to be crazy by the entire community I lived in, along with most of my family. I was alienated often due to the way I reacted or didn't react to certain events. Just having someone understand that I have a disorder that accounts for these reactions means the world to me. All of my close friends whole-heartedly understands. My family tried their best. Mostly they have just come to accept there is something wrong with me and I'm getting help. Good enough.

Also being understood means that you are being heard. I think many of us have lost our voice due to abuse. Getting that voice back is a very powerful thing.

bec

 

[2quilt]

I believe that it is human nature to want to be loved, accepted, included and believed by those people whose opinions we value. Nobody enjoys being excluded by a majority group, rejected or 'different'.

Although some people do live lives that can appear that they want to be separatists, inside, they want their views and experiences to be understood.