Why is the oven so bad?

[lostforgottensoul]

But is it?

Yes, it is. I used to do all sorts of weird shit. Most of it morally wrong. Most of it dangerous. A few I posted on here. Members screaming at me and me not able to see that it was wrong.

One thing my therapist had me do was lock up all of the dangerous items in my home that I would use while disocciated. I don't have DID but I surely did walk out onto the railroad track without memory of it. I had to lock my door in a way that I could not get out of it when disoccoated. I would figure out a way to lock up your oven so that when you disocciate you cannot open it or turn it on. Or figure out what triggers you to do it and change that. Figure out how to reduce your exposure to that trigger.

But it's natural gas. That, in of itself, is insanely dangerous! You know that. So how would it not be an attempt on your life? Even if you don't think you would go that far. You don't have to. You only need enough gas exposure to pass out and the rest is history.

 

[Gs172003]

Yes, it is. I used to do all sorts of weird shit. Most of it morally wrong. Most of it dan...

there are safety locks for kids for those.
Safety 1st® OutSmart™ Multi-Use Lock White

 

[littleoc]

Dissociations that lead to any kind of self harm is something to be concerned about.

I've done it too. Don't worry, I'm better now. It took me a medication change and some therapy, but I'm good now :) You can be too, but you need to find some way to stay away from danger. Stay with someone, if you have to. Go to a hospital if it doesn't stop. Don't let anything irreversible happen.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

So, it’s a gas oven - it really doesn’t take much to build up a dangerous level of gas. You could pass out, and that would pretty much be the end of the building you live in. The gas is much more dangerous than the heat.

I understand this. This is why I'm trying so hard to understand this as a problem.

Also - by doing what you are doing, you’re essentially rehearsing. The more you practice, the easier it will seem. That is a very dangerous thing.

I also know this is true. The first times it happened it was really scary. I do remember that. But now I can't understand it as a problem.

You are trusting that a part that is trying to kill you, won't actually let you die.

I know. But I also know that this part hasn't ever done any real damage. So, in a way, I feel like I CAN trust it, in a weird way ...

I agree with the others, and just humbly offer- do you think the feeling it is of little consequence is a state of dissociation itself?

Probably? It is also a DID thing. Everything in my life is dissociative.

Or figure out what triggers you to do it and change that. Figure out how to reduce your exposure to that trigger.

Trying. I'm trying.

 

[shimmerz]

Why can't I see this as a problem?

You poor thing. People are jamming you for not realizing the danger -- and I totally get what is happening to you. I am so sorry, and notice that you haven't posted since Tuesday... I hope this posting's responses haven't overwhelmed you.

In answer to your question, you can't see this as a problem because it is a very dissociated part that you are unable to connect to unless in that state. It is like there is a steel door between the two parts, or behaviours. So no, it doesn't feel dangerous. And that could be for several reasons.
1. The dissociated part is too young to understand that the body can be killed
2. The dissociated part wants the body to be killed but you (the part that doesn't know this is dangerous) have no access to feelings about that

I was stuck in this exact position with several behaviours.
1. Running outside in winter and hiding in a ditch somewhere
2. Sitting in broiling cars not realizing I was actually frying myself to death
3. Scalding myself in the shower
There are more; I won't bore you.

The thing is, you have described in words that I haven't been able to find for this experience of mine. I literally, could not at all attach to the danger of my situation. People around me were freaking crazy upset at me because I just couldn't attach to why everyone was having a problem. No.big.deal.

As I was healing out of this stage, I finally got to the point where I could recognize that I really shouldn't be running out in the middle of a cold winter night. The only way I could fix the behaviour was by tying myself to the bed. Oddly, this disturbed my peeps more than my running out and dropping in ditches. Go figure. I still don't know that I have assigned a proper 'danger perspective' on these things I used to do.

Because my dissociated self -- when activated -- has complete control over my body and there is f*ck all I can do about it I had to do whatever was humanly possible to stop my body from doing something so dangerous. First there needs to be a form of acknowledgement on your part that sticking you head into an oven, under any circumstances, is most likely not leading you down the road of peace and love and happiness for all.

I think that would be a good place for you to start. Not necessarily focusing on how dangerous what your dissociated part is doing, but do you recognize you have no control when in that state?
That this dissociated part of yourself may be unable to acknowledge that your body is important to you?
That this dissociated part of yourself may be asking you to protect it by taping up that oven or unplugging it or disabling it somehow?
That if that part of yourself doesn't have an oven it may act out in a different way?
That this part of you is not under your control and someone needs to protect you when it takes you over?

Please feel free to PM me if you feel I can assist you at all. I feel for you. I know how completely disorienting this can be.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m not trying to be rude but it feels like you want others here on the forum to convince you that sticking your head in the oven is dangerous.

You’re not taking responsibility for yourself by contacting your therapist.

Please contact your therapist in order to create a plan to keep yourself safe.

Or else, before you know it, a month will go by without you logging in and everyone will just say oh, I guess she chose to not keep herself safe and her home blew up.

Ultimately it’s up to you to keep yourself safe. People here are telling you that you’re not safe. Please just do some radical acceptance in regards to this behavior being unsafe and get yourself professional help.

 

[Freida]

@shimmerz that was brilliant!

 

[joeylittle]

@shimmerz has some great advice.

All I’d add is -

The first times it happened it was really scary. I do remember that. But now I can't understand it as a problem.

I can find it incredibly frustrating when I can’t wrap my head around something that I know is supposed to be obvious.

My advice is to not worry so much about understanding it - instead, put that energy into just changing the behavior. You might need to get out of the groove of seeking the why - that can often reinforce a self destructive loop.

You don’t need to believe it’s dangerous. It’s enough to act as though it is. If you treat it like it is dangerous, and part of that is how tempting it is - you can avoid it enough to get stronger in your ability to have some perspective on it.

I don’t know if that helps...

 

[Sideways]

Hugs to you. Sounds like things are overwhelming.

Can you call a plumber to come in and disconnect the oven? That would give you the time and space you need to work this out with your distressed part. You may be able to turn off the gas at the source as a temporary measure. Safety first, that gives you time to figure the rest out:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It is also a DID thing. Everything in my life is dissociative

Trying. I'm trying

What happens right before the alter takes over? What, everything big and small, happens right before it happens? Think. Even the smallest things can be triggers. What is the same right before it happens?

We have to figure that out in order to stop exposure to it. Again, things I had to figure out for myself. I don't have DID but I do disocciate deeply and also redid cult rituals. It's hard to figure out but there is something or things that trigger this.

 

[Ronin]

So, in a way, I feel like I CAN trust it, in a weird way ...

Likely yes.

About things that do not involve this concrete form of suicide and self harm, and safety around it.
Because in that one, no, you really cannot trust that someone.

If they are responsible in other areas, can you figure what is it about this one that is setting them off? From a distance and safety if possible, as mixing dissociation + compulsive destructive behavior is a bad juju.

And yes, it is a problem, still one, bigger one since you seem to become habituated to thinking styles around it that are not helpful and realize less and less it is a problem.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

The thing is, you have described in words that I haven't been able to find for this experience of mine. I literally, could not at all attach to the danger of my situation. People around me were freaking crazy upset at me because I just couldn't attach to why everyone was having a problem. No.big.deal.

I'm not glad you had to go through this, but it is nice to hear that I am not alone. It feels like my experiences are really foreign and weird.

Because my dissociated self -- when activated -- has complete control over my body and there is f*ck all I can do about it I had to do whatever was humanly possible to stop my body from doing something so dangerous.

This is the exact problem. I know this is a problem. But I'm not the one doing it.

I’m not trying to be rude but it feels like you want others here on the forum to convince you that sticking your head in the oven is dangerous.

You’re not taking responsibility for yourself by contacting your therapist.

Please contact your therapist in order to create a plan to keep yourself safe.

Just a bit of an assumption here that I didn't talk to my therapist. I did, in fact. And yes, I was looking for feedback. That is why I posted in the first place. I see this as taking responsibility for trying to figure things out and fix them.

My advice is to not worry so much about understanding it - instead, put that energy into just changing the behavior. You might need to get out of the groove of seeking the why - that can often reinforce a self destructive loop.

I'm trying.

Can you call a plumber to come in and disconnect the oven?

Joys of apartment living: it is someone else's space, so no. I can't. I have to figure this out another way.