Why Must I Obsess?

[risingsun]

Since I have been traumatized, I have gone into the land of obsession far too often. Usually it is brought on by severe stress. Sometimes it just leaps on me, an unwanted obsession. It takes hours or days or weeks sometimes before it is out of my system. It is all related to health or body parts. Sometimes, though, it is related to "should of, would of, could of" thinking.

I jump from one body part to another. Pain in my pinky finger. I am led to the internet. I must have damaged the nerve. Pain in my jaw. I am led to the internet. What is causing my clenching? My tooth feels funny. What did the dentist do? Pain in my thumb. I must need surgery. It goes on and on and on. I spend a lot of time when I am supposed to be focused on other things looking these things up on the internet.

I just want to feel content knowing that in each and every moment I am alright and okay in every way. I worry about little things all of the time. I suppose bigger things are just too difficult. Does anyone else have experience with this? What can I do?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, I do obsess about my health both mental and physical since I had a severe overexposure to chemicals at work. Not an organ in my body was spared damage and I lived online for years trying to heal from that and the with my PTSD I was online reading everything I could.

All this time online did help me get to a place of healing and since I was on medical leave I had all day to do it. I also obsessed about my sons dyslexia and read everything I could find on that too.

I came to the conclusion that I would make a good researcher for a lobbyist and looked for work in that realm but most lobbyists for social legislation don't have money for researchers and I didn't want to work for corporate America.

My mind gets obsessive about memory and dissociation and my consciousness. I have great difficulty in putting those areas in words. I'm just coming to after a bad spell of memory dysfunction. Feeling more connected to here and now.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Yes, I have that experience, too. I try not to allow myself to search on the Internet. I had a health issue last winter that I obsessed over constantly. I searched on the Internet all the time. I scared myself. The health issue was really nothing to be worried about, but I let myself get carried away. I am more careful now. However, as I have been on the Internet tonight, I have been feeling this bump on my head and it's sending me into thoughts of "what if it's a tick bite or what if it's cancer or...". I try to keep myself off of the medical sites and distracted with something else.

 

[somethingsomething]

Yeah, I do that too. I only worry about health if I'm actually having issues though. Like right now I'm having some fairly serious health problems that I'm pretty sure is the result of Type 1 Diabetes - I have all the classic symptoms. But yeah, this weekend I cried for like two days because I did way too much research and was convinced I had pancreatic cancer.

But regardless of the health aspect, I'll go through obsessive thought patterns in general. Like there's always some guy I'm hung up on like a freaking teenager. I'm starting to get better at letting things like that go, but jeez, it can take over everything if I let it. I'll obsess over new things and do a ton of research and learn everything about it. Which can be a good thing, but obsessing over things like I do has really just become a hassle. I try to control it as much as possible and focus on the present. It's definitely better now than it was a year ago, but it's hard. I still obsess. The main thing I try to do is obsess over things that I can manage, like right now I'm writing an article and doing a ton of research. And for the most part it's working and keeping me focused.

 

[risingsun]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It makes me feel less alone in dealing with this excessive "worrying" that takes over sometimes. I have to always remember my mantra of "All is well." I know that the obsessive worrying mechanism is what I use when I get stressed about big things in my life and I then move toward obsessing over little things. I suppose the big things I don't have much control over so I go toward what I think I can control; my body. Then I realize that it is all just too much worrying whether it is big or little. Time to surrender it. Time to surrender it for good. Worrying is a Waste of Time. Warmest to all of you and my prayers for all of us to be able to just "lay it all down" and know that in each and every moment we are all truly okay. Rising.