Wife Of Ptsd Victim Needs Help

[DanielleD]

Hello! I have been married to my husband going on 9 years (together 15). Three years ago, he had a horrible hiking accident and almost died.

This past year he started having symptoms of PTSD--anxiety, sleep problems, night mares, avoidance, etc.

He told me last August he needed some space. So, we co-exsisted in the same house but communicaed very little. He came home from work late every night and would go away on most weekends. He was getting EMDR treatment and seeing a therapist, but didn't do medication. We started seeing a marriage therapist in January also.

Almost a month ago, I found out he has been lying to me and hanging out a lot with another women. He said she is only a friend and someone who isn't biased and could listen. He also moved out to an apartment to be alone for 3 months. He has recently started with a doctor to prescribe medication for anxiety and sleep.

I want to help him get better, but he really isn't letting me in. From everything I've read about PTSD, I am surprised that he can find such a deep emotional connection with someone else.

Do you think there is any hope for this marriage? Any suggestions?

Thanks so much!

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[amethist]

Hi Danilelle

Welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry you are going through all this, unfortunately it does happen. But take the PTSD out of it and a lot of marriages fail because of cheating. Sorry if any of this offends you, but we don't fluffy coat our answers, it does not help in the long term, being honest does.

It is really up to you what happens next. Do you carry on hoping that this is just a passing phase, or do you call it quits and keep your own sense of being.

If you did take the PTSD out of it all, what would you do then. Only you can decide, but cheating is cheating which ever way you look at it.

Letting supporters in is too hard for some to do, as the pain they feel, is hard enough for them to even try to explain to a therapist. But if he can sit and talk to another women, then maybe he should be able to at least talk to you about small aspects of it.

Come down to the supporters area, where you will find a lot of useful information, to help you keep going. maybe your own therapist could help you work through some of what this has done to you too. many supporters find this helps them keep going.

Take good care of yourself, which ever way this turns out.

Amethist

 

[intothelight]

Hi Danielle,

Welcome to the forum. I am going to respond as a female sufferer, and I really do hope you get some input from some male sufferers.

With PTSD, I have a tendency to isolate. Basically, I want to be around no one, because the sheer effort of any type of interaction is exhausting and completely overloading. That being said, most of the time, I am social now and not isolating. In my case, my spouse is not my main support due to the strain it puts on our marriage. However, I do have a network of girl friends that are my support. Cheating is not in the cards and never would be. It is not in my character.

But everyone is an individual and so are you. You need to look after yourself first and do what is best for you. There is a lot of information about this disorder on the site and much support in this community. But you have every right to feel healthy and happy and that is where you will need to make decisions for yourself as to what you can and cannot live with.

PTSD is not a "get out of jail free card" that gives someone the right to behave badly and hurt others. My symptoms and behaviors have hurt others, but that is why I am working on getting better. The goal for all Supporter and Sufferer is to get better and have healthy relationships, but it takes two to achieve this goal.

Wishing you the best.
Debbie