Will Some Of Us Always Battle Suicidal Thoughts?

[Jeffrey Visser]

for me it feels like a never ending circle sometimes it goes up but will always go down again whatever what i do... its a constant struggle for me atleast...

 

[Canticle]

This may be in the wrong spot....

But I'm looking for a discussion on the constant struggle with su...

I have struggled with this for a very ling time. I call it the hell firw within. It is the entensity of the pain that my path of trauma inflicted on me. Sometimes it is a tidle wave that I can barley endure, other times it is a soft wisper within my soul. I do nit know if I will ever heal this wound, but I know that I will adhere to my love within and say hell no everytime. Just know that love is greater then all these and never let go my friend!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I think you have to look at this as a spectrum.

my whole life has been SI/SH/HOSPITAL

but me recent pair of hospitalizations it was different, I was suicidal but I had better control over my impulses. In the past I had to do was act or say something that indicated I had SI and I would be put in the hospital, but this time around I had a whole month where I was checked on daily until I got admitted to SP.

Even with the progress I have made, where I stay grounded, and are serious about my therapy without my past drama (being a dramatic patient was an avoidance technique when things were hard or uncomfortable). I still get the thoughts, I know I will improve, I know I can probably feel less pain. all in time, I also know I will probably never be normal or full recovered, and I know I probably will always have SI.

So when I say spectrum, it means at different points of being in time, where improve might mean less SI or the ability to manage impulses.

 

[Canticle]

Finding the right person is the most important factor I believe. They need to really understand EMDR and ke...

Are yiy referring to radical acceptance regarding the ability to create ir destroy the way we perceive reality?

 

[Jody]

hi again thank you for your experience in detail on emdr for you. I haven't been doing that long maybe three times so far. It's very difficult for me and I tread doing it. The emotions not memory is what I fear which turns into a full blown panic attack. There was one session that worked. I processed a memory or I guess you would call it one incident I could not talk about and I didn't. My therapist said I didn't have to tell her what it was in order to process it worked but not without terrible terrible panic. I kept going and finished left with a weird/calmness I guess it didn't bother anymore I went from a 10 to a zero. So I know it works emdr is
Good but I hate the body/emotions I get when doing it. It's extremely hard for me because it seems I've held all this in my body. I did have another session that I didn't finish left a mess. The night after I felt I had a
"Memory" laying in bed. Now it seems I can't believe myself trust in what it was I "remembered" was it real or am I nuts? Sorry for all this but want to say thank you for your response. I also hope for you to get to a place a peaceful place where you're no longer with your husband. I feel horrible that you still have to deal with trauma living with him. I don't know if you believe in Reiki heaing or not but it's another way of healing and healing others. I want for you to heal so bad cause.know one deserves to live the way you are living! God bless stay strong again thank you

 

[MisterCatLady]

My suicidal ideation is WAY more under control than ever before and I'd say I've been on the better end of wanting to live for a little over a year now. It still comes up in waves. Now I know what to look for and treat my suicidal thoughts as an injury of sorts. if I know it's coming, I make a point to tell my closest friend because I know once it gets to a certain point I won't be interested in taking care of myself. So yes, I think I will probably experience these thoughts for the rest of my life but I think I get better at managing them each time and so far I have had wonderful months in between episodes.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@MisterCatLady I suspect having some SI all our lives applies to a large percentage of us, I like your strategy, I use a similar approach, all my therapists know that I as a constant would welcome an early end, as to having SI, they don't worry about that, they know I have at times, they also know I tell them is I am having problems controlling it, but by then they will see the signs in my functioning during sessions. Its not something you can hide in a therapy session. Even without saying anything.

 

[Knak]

Are yiy referring to radical acceptance regarding the ability to create ir destroy the way we perceive...

I suppose it's different for every person but I don't like to be objectified or lectured. I want to feel very comfortable, safe, and confident in the therapist's intelligence, understanding (not just pretending).
It's important they understand the theory behind the technique and I need to know too, so approaching it to teach me what is going on and she did a less devastating event first just to practice and experience the procedure.