Within

[Miss_Understood]

I wish I never hurt you, but all I have is pain
Can't seem to find shelter from the rain
I am here still waiting barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
Betrayed by the shadows in my mind
How did I become so blind

blink back the tears, take a breath...please not now...not again...
...its there...burning...
this heavy burden within...

the mind wants to forget,
but the body remembers;
...the body knows,
this body that carried life within...

Trying to identify the voices in my head
I'm being mislead
I see you when I close my eyes
Not knowing why everything I touch only dies
I only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only feel high when I've been low

blink back the tears, take a breath...please not now...not again...
...its there...burning...
this heavy burden within...

the mind wants to forget,
but the body remembers;
...the body knows,
this body that carried life within...

Ghosts with only voices
No words mostly noises
Your memory penetrates my silence
As I try to find reason in science
I'm ripe with things to say
Yet the words rot and fall away

blink back the tears, take a breath...please not now...not again...
...its there...burning...
this heavy burden within...

the mind wants to forget,
but the body remembers;
...the body knows,
this body that carried life within...

You're taking me over
My crimson and clover
I'm like the desert tonight
I'm not your fearless knight
Curse me, I've failed you
Hex me, if only I'd of been true
My soul saving promises spoken like a prayer
I've entangled your heart, my demons ensnare

blink back the tears, take a breath...please not now...not again...
...its there...burning...
this heavy burden within...

the mind wants to forget,
but the body remembers;
...the body knows,
this body that carried life within...

 

[Wolvescry]

Amazing.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Should I send it to my wife?

 

[Wolvescry]

Aw, are you away from your wife now? It really depends on the kind of relationship you two have. Personally, I think most people would appreciate the insight and beauty behind what you express.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Physically I am here with my wife, emotionally, spiritually and mentally however I haven't been with her for a awhile. I didn't get help for my ptsd, I denied and ran from my problems. I have completely hurt my wife and others I love due to my selfish and immature ways. I feel as if I have seen a new light. I found Jesus and as corny as it sounds it's helped. I hope my wife will open her heart up to me again eventually when I've proven I can grow as a human.

 

[Wolvescry]

I'm sure your loved ones will forgive you. The first step is most important. You are headed to better things for yourself.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Another day to my diary, I've had a rough couple of weeks. Had a seizure at work, a lot of changes happening, starting therapy, wife is working while I stay home and fix house, father is having heart problems, grandmother is having bad migraines. Just recently got back in touch with my bio family who kicked me out at 15, tried to pray to Jesus and be religious but I know that is not for me.

Basically feel a little overwhelmed with all these surfaced emotions I've repressed so long. I wasn't ready for help when everyone was offering it, so now I go it alone and with help from my diary.

 

[digger]

Really glad to hear you've managed to sort out some therapy for yourself. I hope it will be helpful. Hang in there.

 

[Miss_Understood]

My wife and I had a fight tonight she got fed up and hit me in the arm twice, it scared me. It wasn't hard but it still startled me.

A lot of changes are coming for me, hope I get through them in relativity good shape.

 

[tillybee]

Are u okay? :(

 

[Miss_Understood]

I'll be fine, it just kinda startled me.
I'm a whirlwind meeting dust storm right now. I don't know if I should bring it up again or just let it go.

Feelings are funny a thing
When our scars are whispering

 

[tillybee]

Agreed, sometimes our loved ones aren't sure how to re-act, cope or understand. Perhaps it's frustration? You are supposed to make the people you love better when they are ill. Perhaps she feels abit helpless too. X