Women Make Better Supporters? Better At Sympathising

[Jestadud]

I hope I have not been misunderstood again, I was not differentiating between emotional and logical with my comments. I cannot see a place for logic with either sex, there seem's nothing logical about this problem!
Maybe it is just me but I think blokes need and use humour to disguise their responses where as women are more honest and forthwrite.

I do think it is harder for most blokes to understand their own emotions so it is hidden with humour, like a safety valve.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think sometimes humour helps much.
Mostly I think what counts is truly being genuine, regardless of gender.

I think men verbalize less, but if the woman doesn't verbalize either (as a sufferer), it works out better because they are not expected to give what they can't.

I also prefer the 'problem solving approach' and despise to openly just 'talk about' how things 'are'- makes me want to crawl away if I do say anything, and clam up or deny if the other person is more 'open' about talking about it than I am and wants to introduce it- I just can't handle that, it's too hard to talk about things/ have no desire to. Seems not helpful/ horrible.

i guess it depends simply on how people communicate, regardless of gender. And if you trust or mistrust them, or if they listen or if they have experience and 'sane' (and honest) feedback.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yikes, can't 'edit'- I don't care about the 'cup of tea in bed' so much as the Big things, trust, truth, abuse etc, present or absent.

 

[Tinyflame]

Was thinking, except for AlAnon, have only had (and have) one female friend I would trust implicitly- and she 'responds' more like a man's way. Otherwise always my best friends were male- right from 5 years old up. Plus there was never any back-stabbing/ jealousy etc.
I would suspect however many people (women) on here I would find to be the exception- a ~'shared grief/ struggle', perhaps?

I do recall once a very nice woman I knew coming to me and asking what was 'wrong'? - I hadn't said anything was. I really liked her, but unfortunately, I had no idea what she meant by that- thought to myself, "....hmm, does she mean re: (what 'shows') regarding the physical abuse, the ptsd, the 24- hour care I was giving (with risk of iminent death of relative), the grief, the (my) body falling apart, the Suicidal Ideation, or what..?" (etc etc). The upshot was I could never speak to her again without feeling grossly uncomfortable and 'clam up'- still can't- feel like running for the hills.

Whereas 'men' don't do that- they don't say 'you look horrible'/ are falling apart etc (even if you 'do' or are), they just seem to find ways to make it easier/ not add to it/ carry on.

 

[MyStarryNight]

My husband has been truly amazing and supportive through everything that I've gone through with my trauma and PTSD. I've had a lot of girlfriends that have bailed on me or just plainly let me know that they can't handle me talking about my trauma or how it's affecting me. Honestly, I don't think that gender has much to do with determining whether a person is a good supporter or not. Being a supportive person requires thoughfulness, an extreme capacity for patience, understanding, empathy, wisdom, and the strength to enter into another person's world and share their pain. These qualities are all things that any person can have, but sadly I think that many people in this world do not possess them or at least not to the degree that is required to support someone with PTSD. I think all of us who have a truly supportive person in our lives are truly blessed.

 

[maddog]

I think Junebug's comment about men being less inclined to directly call you on your appearance/coping/problems etc is a very valid one and one which I hadn't consciously considered. I think it probably contributes to why I do tend to relate better to men - I respond better to an indirect subtle approach, and whether intentionally or not, men do tend to be much more subtle about confronting our problems or inviting discussion of them than women do. Nothing makes me run and hide more than a direct, perceived threatening request/demand that I "tell them what is wrong" etc, and seemingly too many of the women I know do just that.

I work in an overwhelmingly male-dominated workplace in a very male-dominated culture, and no doubt this familiarity has also contributed to my preference.

Maddog

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I was raised in a family of all girls but we were raised very independently and in some ways I think more like men would be, so I'm more comfortable with that. My mom also was very independent, direct, but kind and listened empathetically- said what she meant directly in very few words (to the heart of the matter), but let 'you' come forward about it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't think women are better.

I find women a bit less logical. And as a very logical and direct driven person...I tend to find woman ( not ones on here) annoying.

For some reason I have faced more 'bad' reactions then good from woman then men. My T is a man, my husband is man and they support me better then the few woman in my life. For some reason woman my own age ( I am 23) have there priorities all messed up, and mine are a lot more developed and complex then there's.

I have faced more why's from woman, I have even had women ignore me after they found out, more "you need to get over it" from woman.

My mother is supportive..sort of. She can be very critical of everything I do, and she doesn't seem to recognize completely that I am mentally ill. That I have to take things I bit slower because of my health, she pushes for the unrealistic from me even when it's oblivious to me that its wrong. For example; right after I quit my job when I got out of the hospital I knew that it would take months for me to fully recover. She told me I should look for another one. I think this is from guilt, she knows she did wrong by me, so then ignores most of the problems. She tends to blame me while supporting but she sees as all my doing. While all my doing is also wrong...

This attitude I have noticed in women. I also have noticed lots of leaning on me, when no intention of doing the same, and just blowing off what I do say.

But then there is women here...who for oblivious reason would give me the support I need.

So I know the women problem is not universal.