Working Is Soo Hard

[aka]

I really need to rant a bit so here goes. I have been working at my first full time job for a year now. I got a coffee mug to celebrate the anniversary last week. The people there are friendly and the managers have been extremely accommodating. But I am so tired of fighting the panic attacks and the fatigue everyday. I was doing well at the job until we moved to a new location a couple of months ago and since then it has been nothing but a constant battle to keep myself functioning well enough to do my tasks. My therapist asked me today if I thought I could handle doing a full time job. I am not sure but I do know I have bills and pets that depend on me so I feel like I don't really have a choice anyway. :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead: I have been thinking about applying to other jobs but I really am having a hard time getting enough energy and courage to do it.

I feel bad for being so miserable at this job. It has good pay with great benefits and all the people are pretty nice. I have been trying to get on a different anti-depressant but I am very sensitive to medication. I keep having bad side affects to the new medication which does not make work any easier.

 

[arfie]

I have the luxury of being retired, aka, and still get tired of fighting the panic attacks, etc. There are allot of levels on which the lack of social interaction and structure make it even harder.

If it ain't one thing, it's two. I reckon life never is going to fit my notion of perfect.

Gentle validation, aka. Hope you find a sustainable balance.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Do you think there could be indoor air quality problems in the new place? I ask because I was poisoned by chemical fumes at work and the four of us that worked in the same area all suffered from severe fatigue, anemia, brain problems, and ultimately our immune systems failed.

If your new place is newly constructed there can be many sources of toxic fumes in particleboard, adhesives, inadequate ventilation, etc.

Something to think about. If you're tired all week then feel better by Sunday then get fatigued the next Monday, well, you see what I mean.

What is it about your current job that another job would be easier? Finding compassionate managers is tough. I wish you well, your health, physical and mental, depend on your environment.

 

[Underdog]

I hear you. I volunteer 4 hours a week (and do more for them at home) for one non-profit and am the publicity chair of another. It keeps me busy, but when things are in control I can handle it. When things aren't in control like in the past 2 months, it's difficult if not near impossible. I'm lucky to get an hours work in everyday before I collapse. Yesterday, I left the office 1 hour early, came home and tried to write a story for them, hit severe brain block so tried to do something else and ended up realizing I couldn't do anything further. Was so tired and my heart pumping so fast, I went to bed for the rest of the day. Today, I will be talking to my T about doing more outside of the home, but I am sure she will come back with "are you sure that is a good idea for you right now? I've already said while I understand the stresses not having a job creates, I'm glad you are in a space where you can work through some things before getting another job."

Could it also be a side effect of the new meds? Just wondering.

 

[KwanYingirl]

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with PTSD. We are just wired that way. I work several hours in the morning then take three hour break at home and always get a nap, then I go back for a couple more hours. That midday break helps me reorient myself and I'm rested for the afternoon. I don't mess around with my meds so all I can say about that is that they do help me stay stable. I think we just need to stay mindful not to get overstimulated. That's when the anxiety kicks in and we end up with too much adrenaline in our system. I know from my experience that you can find a healthy balance of work and rest. It takes an open mind on the managers part. Fortunately I am self employed so I call the shots. Good luck to you. Work is good but too much is toxic.

 

[aka]

Thanks for everyone's relies.

Do you think there could be indoor air quality problems in the new place?

No it is not the air quality because everyone one else have adjusted fine to the new working environment. The job is the same but instead of all of us in my group working in different places we all work in the same room. At the the old building I had maybe one to two other people in a small room with me now I have nine to ten people in a larger room. This has greatly increased my panic attacks, depression, and fatigue.

What is it about your current job that another job would be easier? Finding compassionate managers is tough.

It would defiantly be easier for be not to have to drive a hour twice a day. But yeah I think I got lucky with the managers I have so I really don't feel I have the right to complain too much.

Could it also be a side effect of the new meds? Just wondering.

I don't think so the meds I am current on barely work. Hence trying to switch to something more effective. But every change I have made in the last couple of months has lead to some real nasty side effects so I had to go back to the meds that somewhat work. It became so bad that the doctor that had been treating me for about ten years basically told me that she had no idea what to do for me anymore. So I got assessed by someone else last week to get a second opinion on my medication.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with PTSD

Yeah this is my biggest problem. I get to overwhelmed at work and have to fight to stay functional all day which is exhausting to say the least.

 

[KwanYingirl]

So now you have ten peoples energies zipping around your atmosphere. That can be too much for some people. Not to add more chaos, but would music or white noise help you tune out the people in your group?

 

[Go Hungry]

So feeling this right now. I chose my job for the insurance and benefits, then stayed in the one I got for nine years because it is low stress and I can do it. Or at least fake it. But still I get little tiny anxiety attacks dozens of times a day. I want to run out of the place and go home and sleep it off. I wonder how much longer I can keep up the charade. And I don't know what I'll do when it all comes crashing down, which it seems like it could do at any time now. I just got word that somebody from HR who seemed kinda friendly is in fact timing my every move to try and find a way to screw me. I'm just so tired of trying to fit into 'their' damn world, you know?

Sorry I'm not more positive. Hah.. Anyways.. ((((((HUGS))))))

 

[aka]

@Go Hungry I feel the same way. Thanks for the Digital hug and if you like I will extend one back to you. (((((Hugs)))))

That can be too much for some people. Not to add more chaos, but would music or white noise help you tune out the people in your group?

Each of us at work has a computer so we take turns play music for the entire room. Though we are allowed to us head phones to listen to our own music if we like. This is the main coping mechanism I have employed but sometimes I just get too panicky and the music just makes it worst and I have to step out of the room for a while.