Working To Help People If You Need Help Yourself

[Anrish]

As some of you might know, I work as a police officer. I don't perceive myself as the bad officer who is only in this world to arrest people. I chose this profession to help and support people - and to find the truth when it comes to difficult cases.

I dissociate, I'm often not stable, I cry and I'm scared of people when it comes to my private life. I do great in my job and it's like I'm two different persons.

Sometimes it feels like I help myself when I was able to help a victim. Is this just compensation?

I also often have the problem that some conversations shouldn't get too personal - especially when some people begin to trust you and tell you horrible truths about their lives. It's hard to tell them "I understand" without revealing too much of myself.

I often don't know if I just run away from my own unsolved problems when I focus on my job to help people.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there anyone else in helping/supporting professions? How do you deal with the pressure and your work when it could become a trigger?

Thanks in advance for any response.

 

[scout86]

My T says his biggest tool, to do good job, is just being himself. I think maybe that's true for lots of people, in lots of professions. Your background, good and bad, lets you bring something special to your job.

The potential trigger part? That's got to be tough. My T actually talks about having found ways to separate himself from some of the stuff he deals with. Not so much in his office as in his own head.

 

[Tinyflame]

To remember it is a trigger- their situation is not yours or what yours was, they may also have other supports, generally speaking they can't really 'get it' from your perspective of ptsd, or what your age was, etc. But that might give them more support= that wasn't your situation = therefore not the same= therefore not the same situation for them as you/ trigger. If that makes sense. JMHO. And take days off.

Lucky the people have you there. :hug:

 

[Anrish]

@scout86 : Thank you for your answer. I'll try to find something to distance myself more from certain stuff that triggers me.

Your T's advice is a very good one. :notworthy:


@Junebug : Thank you. I'll keep that in mind that I'm in a different situation - it made perfect sense to me. :hug:

And I'll try to take more days off since I normally use over time every day...:alien:

 

[Moonie]

Hi, agreed about taking time off. I did the same kind of thing and got way too involved and burned out. I'm trying to switch from the helping profession to a different area in the same professional field--so I guess I can tell you what not to do as it didn't really work out for me. Except I'm much happier and stable since I left the job. It was important to take breaks from the work that was the hardest--in my case severe domestic violence and child abuse cases. If it's possible to avoid taking too many of the cases closest to your own situation/trigger, at least take breaks from it for a while then do that. And exercise to get out of your head helps too. Hope this helps--and thanks for bringing so much compassion to your work :)

 

[Mytime]

Have you read the stress cup, it my help with understanding why you
can function well in your career, but not personal life. sometimes experienceing others situations that are similar to your own, may help you see thing from a different point of view . Just like talking to others here.
In your job your trained how to deal
with situations and can follow protocol. In your life there isn't training or protocol. So your left with
trying to figure it out on your own.
I feel therapy is the best way to do that. I would also look up compassion fatigue to help with internalizing. Doing the job you do it's one of the hardest things not to do.
Hope I made sense, thank you for the great job you do :)

 

[Richie]

helping others often helps you to not deal with your own problems. I have been doing this for years but I find it very easy to be emotionally detached. If I am asked a question then if its relevant, I will ask if they want a personal or professional opinion because they could be very different answers or sometimes opposite answers. I would imagine being a police officer would make this relevant to your job too. On or off the record kind of thing

 

[Anrish]

@Moonie : Thank you for sharing your experiences. I don't work cases connected to violence - I mostly work fraud cases - so all connected to making money without violence. :p I also stepped back from my additional function as a tactical communicator (you walk along (violent) demonstrations and try to communicate with people...) because I couldn't stand it anymore. Thank you for your suggestions, make me feel like I'm the right path with doing Yoga in my office to calm down. :)

@Mytime : Thank you recommending the stress cup. I haven't heard of that before. :notworthy: I will check on it - and yes, acting according to protocol ain't that hard - I usually only mess up as soon as situations get too private.

@Richie: Thank you for sharing your experiences and how you offer people your opinion in those two different ways. Never thought of that possibility. I'll keep that in mind. :)

 

[Suzetig]

I think we get drawn to roles that help other people, at least I do. I think it's part of making sense of my experiences and finding a purpose in it all. People who know me say my experiences make me good at what I do because I truly "get it". But I also know the potential for me to get caught up in my own stuff with awful results.

There are 3 different roles I'm involved in - all working with vulnerable people in fields relevant to my own traumas. I need to be able to manage and have a number of things in place to help that which might be useful to you.

The first is keeping balance between the different job roles - not too much of any one thing. If I feel one area starting to get to me, I'll do less of that and more of something else.

I stay in therapy, my T knows about my work and potential triggers and she helps me talk through the impact my work has on me. In each of my roles I have regular supervision - an opportunity to talk about my work and how I impact the people I work with and vice versa on a professional level. I wouldn't do any of my roles without these supports.

I also have a good group of friends who know me well and who know the way I work. They'll tell me if they think im getting over involved or am acting out of character and, most importantly, if they tell me they see me being affected by my work - I listen. Whether I can see it or not, I'll listen and start to pull back, take it to therapy or supervision and really respect their views because I know I have blind spots and I trust them to have my interests at heart.

I also pay attention to sleep, nutrition, leisure, social stuff. Lastly, I'm not afraid to stop work and take some time off if I need to either holiday time or sick leave. It's not easy but it's important for me not to drag my own stuff into my work, so I have strategies to keep me balanced.

 

[Ronin]

Is this just compensation?

I often ask myself that (social work / volunteering, here) though I think ultimately that doesn't matter as much as if it's coping that helps you move forward, or coping that doesn't and the impact you're having on others while doing it.

I think it's natural to compensate for something, as simply a way to connect with own life and others, so it isn't as much about compensation / exchange but about how healthy a compensation it is and how productive.

You have a right to be a different person personally and professionally, one doesn't invalidate the other by their difference. They're both you, in different situations and for different kind of an audience. Of course you're different, when the situations require it.

 

[Friday]

You have a right to be a different person personally and professionally, one doesn't invalidate the other by their difference. They're both you, in different situations and for different kind of an audience. Of course you're different, when the situations require it.

This.

So much, this.

As in bookmarked. Because it's so true. And something I forget.

 

[Ronin]

something I forget.

Something I forget too, not gonna lie.

So posting to others because I remember things said to me / I've said to others. :facepalm: