sun seeker
Diamond Member
Hello, it's me again...
On another thread we got to talking about how to work with body memories, and I thought it would be good to have a thread on that specifically.
If you have worked with body memories, I am interested in what that process is like for different people. There seem to be various approaches depending on the individual and how the memory first presents itself. Sometimes the physical sensations come first and images and explicit memories come later; sometimes they don't. Other times a flashback gives us the story of a trauma and the sensations that go with it come later.
I understand that implicit memories are fairly reliable. Our bodies remember pretty accurately while our minds sometimes alter events. Sometimes beginning with what our bodies are giving us leads to a narrative that makes sense, and sometimes that narrative never comes.
A few questions arise from this. One is are you able to come to peace with not knowing? Another is when there is no story to go along with the body memory, is it still possible to release it so it isn't affecting you so much?
Still another is, is there a way of assessing the accuracy of the stories that go along with the body memories? Is it possible, specifically, to have strong reactions indicating severe trauma while working on a memory, while being inaccurate in how we explain that reaction to ourselves?
That last might be confusing. Here is the story that explains why I ask. It's a bit long.
Over a year ago a sentence in a book triggered a horrifying childhood memory. It "downloaded" almost complete, though I did recover more details when working on it later. (For now, I'm not ready to say what it was about, until I am more sure. Maybe someday.) It was so outlandish, so horrible, and so far from anything I was aware of having ever experienced that I took it with a large grain of salt, but I did still want to know what if any of it was true. At that point it was memory without emotion, but with detailed sensory information. In it, I kept changing vantage points, as if going in and out of my body. At no point did it feel exactly like it was happening to me. It's hard to explain.
The content of this memory was close to some things I know do happen, but I had never heard of anything exactly like what I was seeing in it. Soon after that however, I picked up a book on art therapy for this particular kind of trauma that had copies of drawings by survivors, and one of them was very much like what I had remembered. I had never seen a drawing or any other representation like it, as far as I can recall.
I later told a few friends about this memory and one of them told me she had a recovered memory of her own with eerie similarities. We had never talked about the specifics before this time.
Later I worked on this using somatic breathwork and experienced a very intense flashback that was mostly physical. That is, I was getting images of what was happening, but it didn't feel like it was literally happening to me in the moment. What I did feel were very vivid physical sensations and an intense emotional reaction, and an outpouring of adrenaline so intense that it felt as if my limbs were connected to a strong electric current. This last continued for about a week afterwards every time I breathed in.
Later another piece fell into place and I had a body memory related to it that was very upsetting. This sensation has stayed with me, off and on, over the past year, especially when I am thinking or reading about things related to this kind of trauma.
When I did the somatic breathwork it became obvious that there was a serious trauma there. There is no way I could have made up the reaction I had. But I so much don't want to believe it that I started wondering whether it was possible that the trauma was something entirely different and I had made up a story to explain it. I know that with some of the body memories, the images I get to go with them are not necessarily accurate, but perhaps symbolic. But these are very simple symbols. Recently for instance, I started getting an image of a fist rammed down my throat. Obviously that isn't accurate, but it could stand for something that felt like that to me. But the story, as I say, was detailed and came to me all at once.
Is there a way of telling? I know sometimes people never do know, and for some things, I would be okay with that. There are other memories that are coming to me mainly as repeated physical sensations and urges without a story, and I'm more patient with these, though I would also like to understand them. But this other one, the one with the story attached - I feel a bit like a part of my life is suspended until I know more. I can't begin with the physical and work from there with this memory because the story part came first.
Sorry this is so long. Believe me, that's the condensed version. I'd be very interested in anyone's thoughts and experiences with things like this.
On another thread we got to talking about how to work with body memories, and I thought it would be good to have a thread on that specifically.
If you have worked with body memories, I am interested in what that process is like for different people. There seem to be various approaches depending on the individual and how the memory first presents itself. Sometimes the physical sensations come first and images and explicit memories come later; sometimes they don't. Other times a flashback gives us the story of a trauma and the sensations that go with it come later.
I understand that implicit memories are fairly reliable. Our bodies remember pretty accurately while our minds sometimes alter events. Sometimes beginning with what our bodies are giving us leads to a narrative that makes sense, and sometimes that narrative never comes.
A few questions arise from this. One is are you able to come to peace with not knowing? Another is when there is no story to go along with the body memory, is it still possible to release it so it isn't affecting you so much?
Still another is, is there a way of assessing the accuracy of the stories that go along with the body memories? Is it possible, specifically, to have strong reactions indicating severe trauma while working on a memory, while being inaccurate in how we explain that reaction to ourselves?
That last might be confusing. Here is the story that explains why I ask. It's a bit long.
Over a year ago a sentence in a book triggered a horrifying childhood memory. It "downloaded" almost complete, though I did recover more details when working on it later. (For now, I'm not ready to say what it was about, until I am more sure. Maybe someday.) It was so outlandish, so horrible, and so far from anything I was aware of having ever experienced that I took it with a large grain of salt, but I did still want to know what if any of it was true. At that point it was memory without emotion, but with detailed sensory information. In it, I kept changing vantage points, as if going in and out of my body. At no point did it feel exactly like it was happening to me. It's hard to explain.
The content of this memory was close to some things I know do happen, but I had never heard of anything exactly like what I was seeing in it. Soon after that however, I picked up a book on art therapy for this particular kind of trauma that had copies of drawings by survivors, and one of them was very much like what I had remembered. I had never seen a drawing or any other representation like it, as far as I can recall.
I later told a few friends about this memory and one of them told me she had a recovered memory of her own with eerie similarities. We had never talked about the specifics before this time.
Later I worked on this using somatic breathwork and experienced a very intense flashback that was mostly physical. That is, I was getting images of what was happening, but it didn't feel like it was literally happening to me in the moment. What I did feel were very vivid physical sensations and an intense emotional reaction, and an outpouring of adrenaline so intense that it felt as if my limbs were connected to a strong electric current. This last continued for about a week afterwards every time I breathed in.
Later another piece fell into place and I had a body memory related to it that was very upsetting. This sensation has stayed with me, off and on, over the past year, especially when I am thinking or reading about things related to this kind of trauma.
When I did the somatic breathwork it became obvious that there was a serious trauma there. There is no way I could have made up the reaction I had. But I so much don't want to believe it that I started wondering whether it was possible that the trauma was something entirely different and I had made up a story to explain it. I know that with some of the body memories, the images I get to go with them are not necessarily accurate, but perhaps symbolic. But these are very simple symbols. Recently for instance, I started getting an image of a fist rammed down my throat. Obviously that isn't accurate, but it could stand for something that felt like that to me. But the story, as I say, was detailed and came to me all at once.
Is there a way of telling? I know sometimes people never do know, and for some things, I would be okay with that. There are other memories that are coming to me mainly as repeated physical sensations and urges without a story, and I'm more patient with these, though I would also like to understand them. But this other one, the one with the story attached - I feel a bit like a part of my life is suspended until I know more. I can't begin with the physical and work from there with this memory because the story part came first.
Sorry this is so long. Believe me, that's the condensed version. I'd be very interested in anyone's thoughts and experiences with things like this.
