Relationship Wow.. Had A Talk With My Sufferer Last Night.

[Angus McGee]

She just told me her first visit is set. It's a ways off, but at least it is set. July 25

 

[HopefulChristian]

The card game analogy is perfect. I get more confused with each conversation with my hubby.

 

[Angus McGee]

I met my wife for breakfast today. After watching our son overnight, her symptoms seem worse. She moved out to isolate, and she isn't able to while taking care of our little man. He's only 1.5 years old, getting into everything, and he doesn't understand "No" very well yet.

it's been part of our regular schedule for her to watch him Sunday into Monday, and that doesn't seem to be working for her. So, I sent her an email telling her I'm making a change. I hinted at it during breakfast, and she said "No, that's fine." However, now it's not a suggestion. In our umpteen years of marriage, my making a firm decision without any sort of agreement is far and few between. However, her mind is not working right at all. She gets flustered very easilly. Her memory isn't nearly what it used to be. The limited affection we have had, which consisted of holding hands while saying grace has ended now too. That one hurt.

So, with her thinking ability diminished, albeit temporarilly, I've made this decision on my own. I'm sorry if she doesn't like it, but I'm the one with the clear head, and I know that this is for the best. The thinking behind it was to give me a break, and as it turns out, I sat and cried yesterday more than once out of sheer loneliness. I'm a dad. I need my kids around. I know the day will come when they move out, and are on their own, but for now, their place is with me. Of course, I'd love it if my wife AND kids were all together, but that just isn't going to happen for a while.

 

[heidi]

Hi, I don't know you or your situation personally. I always feel like this is a dangerous form of communication.. when a person is opening up and a stranger can just come along and say anything. guess I'm just saying I'm not someone who knows you so please don't be offended if I say something that presumes too much or whatever. Anyway, I am surprised that your wife can have it together enough to communicate so well and so rationally. I couldn't do that. I think maybe it's difficult to manage so much stress in life. I think if I had so much responsibility I also might feel the need to get away so I can limit the amount of stress and deal with a more sizable chunk instead. I honestly don't know how people with kids, jobs, spouses do it. I suppose they were put into a role where they had to try to cope with all of that. I couldn't do it.

Also I have no idea at all but maybe she sees this as a temporary step. Isolating herself to build up her strength so she can take on more later. Taking on more still might not mean getting back together though.

 

[Angus McGee]

Heidi, I so hope that she sees this as temporary. I've asked her about that, and her answer time and time again is "I refuse to make promises. I can only take things one day at a time."

I understand her thinking, but this whole "limbo" thing is very hard. We are still married, but for all intents, I'm a single dad.

 

[Nerdanna]

Angus,
I do hope things work out for you. I know how you feel when you say you are "married" but a single dad.

My situation is very similar and I know the lonliness and the pain of feeling like I and my son were non-existent at times.

 

[Angus McGee]

Thank you.

 

[KMT]

Angus, I am new to this forum and have finished reading this thread. My heart goes out to you on this very difficult journey. You may feel very weak inside, but you are incredibly strong. In your loneliness and hurt, you are taking care of yourself, your children, and your wife. It has been very difficult to read this thread. My partner is a sufferer and I am the carer and I am only now coming to understand what has been happening in our relationship through these years. My partner will frequently say that they don't know if we can live together, and will go online and look for apartments, and I felt it as a sign that I have failed. I am understanding better now that this is a cry for help. But it still hurts. My stomach and heart literally twist up when they bring it up again. My heart hurts just thinking of the possibility of it ever becoming real. I don't know how I would manage it.

I don't think anything can prepare us for the loneliness of loving a ptsd sufferer. I feel so alone so often. One mistake, one thing said at the wrong time and in the wrong way, and the person I love is gone (and I am often blamed for it) and I am left alone with all my feelings - anger, resentment, abandonment, fear but mostly... a growing loneliness. It can happen at any time. I am always thankful for the apologies when they come, but the damage cannot be undone. I can't remember if you said you are in therapy. That is my lifeline. As it my prayer life when I remember to access it. I don't want to talk to family and friends anymore. They aren't any help because they either change the subject, tell me what to do, or offer pity. Not helpful.

I will keep you and your children and your wife in my prayers and hope that her visit this weekend is as good as it can be.

 

[Angus McGee]

Thank you very much. I'm not currently seeing any therapist. I am not against it, however. My wife will be getting a call from her therapist to start treatment next week. I would say that this current situation is a form of it's own therapy. I am learning a lot about PTSD, and progress is being made, if not in our relationship, then in my understanding of what's involved in the healing process.

Thank you for your prayers.