Yeah, i was nervous like that before too

[Stephernovas]

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with PTSD after a life threatening car accident with a moose.

Yesterday morning I was travelling to my sisters (I don't often drive these days, so this was me pushing myself). She lives in a wooded area, so I was exercising a lot of caution and always drive a bit under the speed limit (to whatever my comfort level is that day). I noticed well enough ahead of time, but to my right (same side as my crash), there were a herd of deer headed for the road I was travelling on, ready to cross. I hit my brakes, and as I did, the leader of the herd started turning around and the rest followed. I immediately burst into tears and started hyperventilating. Then of course the lightheadedness and shakiness followed suit.

I am writing this because I am still pretty damn depressed today, and miserable. I messaged a friend for support, and I got the comment of:

"After I had a deer jump on our car, it was hard for a while... everytime I saw a deer I’d freak out. I eventually realized that it’s part of where we live. We can’t control it but I can control how I react to it"

The part I am angry about is that I wish people could realize I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD as a joke. It's all fine and wonderful that this person was able to calm her anxieties so easily (before this big crash, I did that too), but now it feels a trillion times harder to simply 'realize it's part of where we live'. I KNOW IT'S A PART OF WHERE I LIVE, BUT I'M STILL EFFING TERRIFIED I MIGHT DIE....CAUSE I AMLOST DID!!!!!!!!

Ugh. sorry. deep breaths.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Aww I'm sorry people are being like that. The same thing happens with my traumas too sometimes. "Not all guys are like that, you are safe, youll get over it soon" ugh I could just go on and on and I don't want to because it makes me angry.

It's startling to see a moose get hit, fly through the air like a rag doll, flipping over and over. Im an alaskan, Ive seen it happen. I can't possibly imagine hitting one yourself, and I wouldn't try to. I sure as shit wouldn't want it to happen to me, and furthermore, I would never try to compare that to anything I've been through, cause I have no common frame of reference other than the fact you and I have PTSD from bad shit that happened to us.

It's not right for your friend to compare your trauma to just some regular fear. Especially when you have PTSD from what happened to you.

People just don't get it, sadly.

And sometimes what they says hurts, and feels alienating. They'e trying to compare but they have no frame of reference. To them, fears being eased can be as easy as some magic words. "Oh it's common around here" "Not all guys are bad" so on and so forth.

That shit makes me want to never talk about my PTSD problems. No shit, of course I know that most guys are not f*cking psychopaths. But the fear will not go away no matter how much logic I chuck at it.

 

[Gs172003]

My mom told me yesterday "smile, life isn't that bad" after I had been telling her how much I was struggling with panicking over the crowds. She knew this before I ever got there.

They just don't get it.

 

[Stephernovas]

The thing that ticks me off the most is that it's suggestive to that I am not trying to make things better for myself. Prior to my crash, I was the one people would call when horrible crap was going on and they needed help. I was the one who would face the terrible shit for them. Because I had seen and experienced so much, I would willingly throw myself in the face of danger or whatever, just so others wouldn't have to experience it.

Now, I crumble at the slightest trigger. On top of it, I have people going, "oh, yeah I was nervous too but I got over it" or, "you're not recovering in the expected timeframe, so we have to keep reviewing what we're doing. We're just looking out for your best interests (worker's comp)".

I want to blow up. I hate others.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hang in there. Good job pushing yourself. You confronted your fear and came face to face with it and lived to write about it. :)

We got a lotta deer out here too and I've lost count of the times I've almost slammed into one. At night I'll drive around honking down long roads I'll honk like every 1000 feet if I see one lol if I suspect they may be thinking of crossing. Also a loud exhaust helps with wild animals jumping in front of you.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think everyone with ptsd has to learn this lesson.

We can’t go to non-ptsd people for support and expect them to get it. If we want support from non-ptsd people we have to be careful with our words so that we don’t get what feels like an invalidating response. Sad, but true. If we want to be more free with what we say, then we have to choose our audience carefully——those who have ptsd/mental illness, a psychiatrist, a therapist, etc.

We can’t get them to understand, so when we want support, it’s imperative we go to the right people.

Hugs.

 

[Stephernovas]

We can’t go to non-ptsd people for suppo...

I know this, but it's still upsetting. Said person I was talking to struggles with anxiety and depression, so I figured she'd get it more so than others. I didn't mention it to my sister or anyone else when I arrived. I called a supportive friend (this one seems to know how to handle it and is nothing but supportive) and gathered myself before going inside and pretending to have a happy Easter (for my nephews - although they could tell I was sad and when they asked why I told them the kid version of what happened. In doing so I'm hoping to instil compassion, empathy and understanding in them for others struggling). My nephews came over and gave me a big hug.

Later on I tried telling my brother-in-law. I figured he would be the safest to tell, as if he didn't know what to say, he likely would just let it go and not even bother to tell anyone about it. It was almost like a test, and my hypothesis proved true. He just kind of went "oh, really? Jeeze." So, back to isolation I went. I hid in their bedroom for most of the festivities. I just wanted to go home to bed and be sad/thankful I was still alive.

 

[EveHarrington]

I know it’s upsetting. Sometimes I forget and go to the wrong people, only to end up kicking myself later. Hugs.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Sad, but true.

Yep, it kind of hurt to learn this on my own, but it's true.

Thankfully there are places like this forum, or therapy/support groups IRL, my therapist, etc. Those are a given, assuming you have access to them and use those resources.

However, like all "truths" and rules and such, there are always exceptions. :)

One of my friends always knows just the right things to say, and talk about, to pull me out of anxiety and panic attacks. I didn't have to ever explain anything or tell them to do anything, they just do it automatically. They're the same way with a lot of my other issues. As far as I'm aware, they have no trauma history. They just know the right things to say.

There are a few other people I know who are like that. They just say the right things, they don't, inadvertently or otherwise, invalidate what happened to me by trying to spit logic at me thinking it will magically make my PTSD go away.

Yeah sure, I'm safe now, there is a 99.99975% chance that nothing bad is going to happen to me, sitting here in this house. But I don't feel that way, and nothing I do (and I have tried) can make me just feel that way. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's not so bad. I legitimately don't think the chances of me being safe are that high, my abuser -is- free and knows where I live. He's threatened to kill me so many times, and for all I know, one day he's going to get suicidal or something and then come f*ck my shit up and kill himself.

Every noise, has the chance to make me think it's him. Even noises from inside the house. Sometimes, it's a really powerful, tangible fear, like I'm being watched, and I have to be careful about how I move, to check things out and make sure it's all safe. Sometimes the feeling is too strong and I have to just go and leave my house. Oh god does that f*ck with my head SO much. I might actually -be- safe, but I can't -feel- safe, and for all I know my life is legitimately in danger. I want to put an exclamation point there so bad.

Sorry, I kind of rambled there lol. Just highlights one of my unquenchable fears, which people often do not understand and think they can actually reason away.

 

[Marinna]

I think it comes from discomfort. It's not just a PTSD thing. I have been guilty of it before (for non-crit A stuff). Quickly learned it was a major no-no but I understand it I guess. Bringing the convo round to our own experience can be a way of avoiding the 'awkward' what the hell do I say? Moment?
At best it is a piss poor attempt at empathy (what I did)
At worst it is a disregard for another persons experience and a one upmanship deal.

Totally invalidating. I'm sorry you were confronted with that. You could have lost your life. Try not to take comparisons to heart. :(

 

[lizbeth27]

I think sometimes when people just aren't that emotionally affected by something they take the fact that they coped pretty effortlessly simply as proof of their own strength. Because, why not? :O_o:

They aren't really thinking about all the nuances of their situation, or of the other persons. Obviously the event was different, for a start. And maybe this person could have also been downplaying their anxiety for some reason, and not in the mindset to really support anyone.

From the quote there, it doesn't seem like they were necessarily invalidating you, but just not really available at that point.

Panic attacks are horrible and draining, and make you feel especially vulnerable and confused. I hope you're feeling a bit better at the moment.