Good question, and so many great responses.
I had to change the way I see/view the word responsible in my brain for it to finally feel somewhat attainable in my world, and to more clearly see that I have much more power over it than I ever knew, or had been taught was possible, be it at home, in school, in the churches, in the workplace, etc..
I was so used to being convinced I'd never really amount to anything viewed as being valuable/helpful/necessary/wanted by others based on prior programming/conditioning/the old reel of self-hating verbal vomit that plays through my head often thanks to the hurtful words/actions of self and others throughout my life.
I began believing it, too, and would talk myself out of things without entertaining the thought of giving it a try, would talk myself out of getting help because I didn't want to be a bother, etc., etc..
I now view it as being "response-able" and try to do my best each day by making choices that genuinely help me to better recognize and heal actual root issues vs. temporary symptom suppression that was ultimately making things worse that I'd grown so used to, by nurturing my whole self from the inside out via thoughts, breath, and all of my consumption choices, and hopefully being more able to healthily respond to life in general....or knowing how to most efficiently and kindly bow out until I'm better prepared to be on that scene...or fully dismissing my energies due to knowing it simply isn't a healthy scene for me.
I still trip over my own best intentions and attempts, but I've never been very graceful in life, overall, so I expect it to continue to be one hell of a bumpy ride.
I try not to kick myself in the ass along the way anymore, either, as there are way too many scars and painful reminders of how that never really worked to actually heal or help anything anyway....that method only served to complicate and resonate even more hate, of both self and others.
Being the love I never received has been the most complicated and heart-wrenching task I've ever taken on, yet is just as equally rewarding, most days. I never realized how much stuff I needed to unlearn before any real healing could take place, though. I think the fascination in connecting those dots helps keep me motivated.
Being fed a bunch of shit through the years, in more ways than one, left some intense life-long damage to try to work with while rebuilding my foundation to hopefully stand a little stronger from here on out, as much as humanly possible. Never a dull moment in the mind/heart space, that's for sure.
