Zero Self Esteem When It Comes To Other People

[EveHarrington]

I'm finally building up my self esteem in many areas of my life. I cannot seem to do this when it comes to other people. I am currently envisioning my life as always being alone and flying solo. I don't have any thoughts that other people would want to know me for any reason. I don't feel that there is a reason why people would want me in their life. I constantly think that I have nothing to offer anyone. Sometimes I think I'd like to have people in my life but then I feel incredibly selfish and push those thoughts away. The rejection issues are incredibly triggering and soul crushing so I don't even venture out of my shell. I'm still not ready to handle rejection when it takes me forever to recover-----something I still can't afford. I think this is the dumbest post I've ever written but I'll submit it anyway. I don't even know what kind of feedback I'm looking for. :-/

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hey @EveHarrington Rejection is tough to deal with. It tends to cut a person to the core, and then slice us from asshole to appetite. It was one of my bigger triggers when I was dealing with my daughter. She would reject me, I would become suicidal. I finally learned that I can't control how others act, how they think, or what they say. I can only control how I respond/react. Rejection isn't fun, but it's also part of life. People everyday get rejected for something, but they get back up and keep going. People apply for jobs, and they are told no. Authors write books, and they are rejected by the publishing company. The list can go on and on. It's just part of life.

It's safe to stay inside our comfort zone because no one can get to us, but it can be a very lonely place too. It sounds to me that you want to break out of your comfort zone, but you don't quite know how?!?!? Baby steps. Try something very small. Talk to a new person, go someplace new, try interacting with someone. The point is, that if you want to break out of your shell, you have to start the process.

And your post wasn't dumb either......

 

[Nevermore]

@EveHarrington building up self esteem in other areas sounds like a positive move. I suffer the same fears of rejection, but I have the opposite fear too - that someone will like me, or the idea of me, and then hold me up to all kinds of expectations etc that I won't be able to fulfill. Double whammy!
I find it's easier to take people on a person by person basis as for me anyway, some people I can relate to much more easily than others.
And take it sloooooowwly.
Many people have the same fears.
Someone told me once it's all about reach and withdraw - knowing when to reach, when to withdraw.
And if you honour yourself and your own feelings, it's a whole lot easier and safer than kind of throwing yourself out there.
i don't think it's dum either! I'm much more wary these days too - don't want to be broken again!!
But lonely is not so great either (:

 

[aut555]

@EveHarrington building up self esteem in other areas sounds like a positive move...

Right now in US, over half of the population in big cities is over the age of 43 and single. It's ok to be alone and not lonely. It's ok to enjoy your company. As we age, sometimes it's harder to tolerate someone who may try to change us, when nothing is broken.

 

[Nevermore]

@aut555
Good stats! I didn't know it was so common!
I don't want to change anyone tho or vice versa, just good to be human together... I think it's still possible w the right kinda people

 

[Sideways]

I live my entire life at the back of the room, watching everyone else make friends and having fulfilling, rewarding relationships. Sometimes I wish I could be like that, and have friends around me, calling me up, "Come over for coffee Ragdoll".

It's not gonna happen any time soon.

But sometimes, if I'm paying attention, I notice that I'm not the only silent and solo person in the crowd. And maybe it takes us longer to build really basic connections, and maybe we'll never have as many. But I'm not giving up completely. Time changes things, time changes me and my perception of myself and others. Maybe one day I'll have someone inviting me over for coffee. Maybe you will too.

 

[Friday]

I don't have any thoughts that other people would want to know me for any reason. I don't feel that there is a reason why people would want me in their life. I constantly think that I have nothing to offer anyone. Sometimes I think I'd like to have people in my life but then I feel incredibly selfish and push those thoughts away.

Excluding the bolded part (which is where we diverge), that's me. I don't have any problem being selfish, as long as I'm not hurting people by doing so. Ditto, couldn't care less about rejection unless on Valium.

Hedonistic to the nth degree... I just enjoy the hell out of people. No f*cking clue why anyone would want me around, but I don't need their reasons, because I have my own. Of why I want to be around them.

 

[aut555]

Some of us are loners and quite comfortable in our own little way. Usually you figure this out quite early in life, that you maybe a little different then other people. But acceptance of who you are is so important, whether you need space or you need another. I respect both kinds of people. I just prefer to walk my path myself.

 

[Dana1010]

The rejection issues are incredibly triggering and soul crushing so I don't even venture out of my shell.

Wow, almost everything in this post resonates with me. And it isn't just that I feel I have nothing to offer them, but also vice versa. I feel that 99.9% of them have nothing to offer me, and the infinitesimal number of exceptions wouldn't have me anyway. So it's eat tripe or go hungry, and right now I'm choosing the latter. Only it's been this way for so long, I can't even really feel the hunger anymore.

I spent many years lying about every detail of my life since the day I was born to try to get some acceptance from people. Now it's obvious that I never had their acceptance --I was just fooling them. I'm hollowed out. Uninterested in their games.

Needless to say, I don't understand this:

I just enjoy the hell out of people.

Shallow, lying, dissembling, phony, scheming, status-whoring, vain, narcissistic, petty, superficial, materialistic, backstabbing, thoughtless, out-of-control, avaricious, animalistic, ready-to-leave-you-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-something-better-comes-along people?

 

[Friday]

Needless to say, I don't understand this:

I just enjoy the hell out of people.

Shallow, lying, dissembling, phony, scheming, status-whoring, vain, narcissistic, petty, superficial, materialistic, backstabbing, thoughtless, out-of-control, avaricious, animalistic, ready-to-leave-you-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-something-better-comes-along people?

LMAO. Some of those, for sure. Mostly not. I said "people" not "everyone". There are people I wouldn't piss on, if they were on fire. Others who merely bore me, irritate me, or in some other way I don't get on with. My standards may be my own, but I still have them. That doesn't mean I hold everyone to the same standards, either. My standards for a mate are very different from my standards for a teacher (instructor, therapist, coach, etc.), or acquaintance vs best friend, as a few examples. I don't want to be around people just because they're people. I want to be around people because of who they are as individuals. My reasons for wanting to be around someone vary from person to person. And then, yes. I enjoy the hell out of them.

 

[aut555]

Wow, almost everything in this post resonates with me. And it isn't just that I feel I have nothing to...

You described Los Angeles perfectly.

 

[Nevermore]

So it's eat tripe or go hungry, and right now I'm choosing the latter.
:
Shallow, lying, dissembling, phony, scheming, status-whoring, vain, narcissistic, petty, superficial, materialistic, backstabbing, thoughtless, out-of-control, avaricious, animalistic, ready-to-leave-you-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-something-better-comes-along people?

Ha ha that really made me laugh. there should be a poster made out of that - to look at when feeling vulnerable or afraid.
I'm still laughing (:

Funnily enough, I'm the only kid I know who loved tripe (until I found out what it was). I've eaten heaps of tripe in my time - metaphorically too.